AIBU to think my widowed male friend fancies me

[playthepianomakemeswoon123]

A fairly new friend of mine (M65) invited me to stay over, (seperate bedrooms) because he knew I was having a really tough time. His wife died about 3 years ago. We all went out for the evening with my parents who were weirdly visiting and had a good laugh together.
When we got back to his house around 11pm, he sat at the piano and gave me a private recital. At one point he said “Oh, this one’s called <myname> actually. It felt very intimate but I sort of spaced out as I do that with emotional intensity. Now kicking myself.
Now I’m wondering… does this sound like he fancies me too, or am I reading way too much into a kind gesture from a friend?

Because we’ve all, at some point, been subjected to a man Doing Music at us. I give you the looong piece guitarist, the self-accompanying piano balladeer, and once, a private organ recital in an Oxford college chapel which felt like being Christine Danae in Phantom.

F

It seems you've had one to many negative experiences which has coloured your judgement. That's fine. But not everyone has been subjected to it in a bad way. And in this case, it certainly isn't an ick factor.

Imho there is a very strong chance he fancies you.

If you are newly single, it could be this is all too soon for you which is why you felt spaced out.

And yet several other posters on the thread have said similar.

Some of us are musical ourselves and have been fortunate enough to attract musical men who perform well. There's a reason love songs are so popular.

Not your thing, fair enough, but it's popular for a reason. And yes, if a man invites you back to his and chooses, out of his whole repertoire, to play something in your name... actually I am surprised that anyone, even if they hate the idea, would find that completely platonic.

I am musical. Singer. I have lots of musician friends — opera, opera director, Irish traditional music, academics who work in music. Lots with pianos and other instruments at home. Not one would think a ‘private recital’ at 11 o’clock at night when the recipient is sleeping over and can’t get away was some kind of compliment or adorable romantic gesture.

Well, that's you.

I've been working on the assumption that OP was at the house of her own free will after an invitation; if a butterfly net was involved, that might be different.

It sounds as if there’s potential there. He sounds very interesting - a squash playing 65 yr old who can carry off a piano recital, clearly sociable as he’s in the squash club, accepting of your other commitments (dinner with your (presumably old) parents).
Now try to get him out of his box - suggest a day out somewhere not connected with sport or pianos, see how it goes on unfamiliar territory. But take it slow, zero to hero is for the youngsters - at our age we walk sedate to a date.

Ooh OP, that was a romantic thing to do I think. He sounds lovely and so do you. He might think he’s too old for you, so you might need to drop a few hints. Or be modern and ask him out! I’m invested in this thread now, I hope you do get together. Keep us posted!

Well a squash playing Piano player who socialises well would definitely float my boat. You already know him quite well from the squash club. You need to ask him to go somewhere with you, a meal, cinema, concert to thank him for his hospitality. You can have a good chat and see if you are on the same wavelength. See what the response is. I wouldn't worry about his age, he sounds quite fit. It's exciting!

While age is a consideration, nobody knows what's going to happen in 10 years.

Younger people can have strokes meaning their partner becomes their carer. People have accidents. Nothing in life is certain.

He plays squash, he could be fit and well into his 90s

They might date for a few happy months then decide its not going anywhere long term.

Nice men don't tend to land in your lap in your 50s, shame to bin him off because of what 'might' happen down the line.

This is all true too.

Maybe OP should just have a light hearted fumble until he’s nearing the knackers yard.

Also , at this stage it would only start with dating. She doesn't need to commit to living together or becoming his carer or anything. Perhaps they can just have a nice simple relationship where they go on dates, enjoy music and have some mutually enjoyable intimacy.

Very few men really want platonic relationships and if they did they'd be highly unlikely to serenade you. Of course he fancies you.

Exactly. There’s a reason all the Kens play guitar at the Barbies in the Barbie film. It’s an experience many women have had.

Well, if your name is Billie Jean, the song makes it fairly clear he's not interested.

If it's Jolene, then things might be more complicated.

I would imagine he might be trying to start something. You’re newly single. You have a chance to get this relationship off on a steady, functional footing by asking him directly if he was setting up a romantic relationship.
(Personally I wouldn’t love that when you’re staying the night supposedly as friends. A nicer man would understand your asymmetrical vulnerability in this situation and shoot his shot in a public place.)

If the song is Leonard Cohen's Suzanne then yes he does fancy you!

Sorry couldn't resist guessing. I think the chances are high that there's something there but I would take it slowly and get to know him more.

Cripes OP. Your name isn't Roxanne is it?

Hard to say but I reckon it's more likely than not he fancies you based on that, yes. Good luck!

I’d never play a song to a male friend I have no interest in, full stop, let along a song with his name! Of course he fancies you.

Jesus Christ spat my tea out 😂😂😂

These replies, I wish the laugh cry emotion was still a reaction option

@Aquagirl123 yeah, he's fitter than me, runs marathons as well, I can't be arsed

Then again, he maybe played Mambo Number 5, though I'm not sure the piano version would have the same effect.