Uncomfortable with new manager but colleague disagrees

[MManchesterrain]

We’re getting a new manager next week. I’m a manager myself, working alongside 7/8 others, and we will be reporting in to him.

He is moving across from another part of the business. There is always gossip in our company and it’s a fairly small town we work in so lots of people know each other.

Anyway, it’s known that he went through a disciplinary process recently during which he was suspended, and people were surprised he kept his job. What happened is something people are aware of, and he is being moved across not through his choice.

4 of us are women and would feel uncomfortable being managed by him. 3 of us want to speak to our senior manager to see explain this and that we are uncomfortable being managed by him, but the other is strongly against this and thinks it will mark our cards and make us appear difficult.

Would it be wrong to proceed against her wishes?

No, you wouldn’t be unreasonable at all to proceed against her wishes. She doesn’t get to dictate your concerns. But you do need to make it very clear that she wants nothing to do with it and that she doesn’t share your opinion.

Out of interest, was the disciplinary to do with his behaviour towards women in the workplace? Is that why you don’t want him to manage you?

While I understand you don’t wish to be managed by him (presumably there was some sort of sexual harassment or discrimination element to the disciplinary) the senior manager is likely to frown on you for gossiping.

and you absolutely shouldn’t speak with anyone on behalf of the fourth member of the group. You have no right to speak on her behalf or imply that she might be part of the complaining group. I’d take a very dim view if I was a manager and some of the team came to me with an argument which started with “we’ve heard that x and we all agree y”.

its a difficult situation. But you need to address it professionally, particularly as you are in a management role.

What was the disciplinary for? That’s what whether YABU hinges on.

Sometimes people can be victims of gossip. Just be aware and ready to react if he does do anything, but only if he actually does something. If a friend/family member of yours had been falsely accused, you wouldn't want their life ruined.

Sexual relations with a direct report (who appears to have left the company, unsure if by her own accord or dismissed)

But it was a consensual relationship? No suggestion he was harassing her?

Sounds a lot like a recent thread where the ops husband was suspended for similar reasons…..🤔🤔

I don’t know. There was an age gap and he was married.

does she lack capacity or is under the age of consent ?

I'd think it's perfectly reasonable for you to say us three are concerned, but very unreasonable to say us four are or we all are, or the department is.

It is possible that he could manage another team in another part of the business? Is that what you're hoping for?

So what’s making you uncomfortable with being managed by him? If there was no suggestion of coercion or harassment and everything was entirely consensual, he’s just your standard grubby little sleazeball. Are you expecting your manager to go to his managers and tell them that you feel uncomfortable because the new bloke has the morals of a Tom cat? What are they supposed to do with that? Have you thought about the likely outcomes of this scenario?

So future boss has had a morally questionable but not illegal relationship at work. What has that got to do with the three of you, exactly?

FFS just mind your own business and wait to see what he's like as a manager.

YABU. Your opinions on age gap relationships, affairs or workplace romances are immaterial. We all have to work with people we don't like or have very different values to us and it's unprofessional to pretend otherwise.

And the 4th member of your group is wrong about one thing if I've understood you correctly. If you are the manager under him and the other women report to you it will be you who will be seen to have encouraged gossip and you will be seen as the ringleader. It's your card that will be marked.

I think you are overreacting. I'm not sure why you're uncomfortable being managed by him unless he has history of sexual harassment. Sexual relationships are rife in organisations. Unless you are suggesting he will use his position to coerce you to provide sexual favours. In which case report it when it happens.

Yeah, I am not sure what you are uncomfortable about.

It sounds like he had a questionable but consensual relationship, was investigated, and allowed to stay employed but not in that area. Which suggests there wasn't untoward behaviour.

If you were say, gay, and he had a history of homophobic remarks - I'd say you had cause for anticipatory concern.

But there is nothing to suggest he has a general issue managing women.

What are you uncomfortable about exactly? You seem to know bits of whispers.

So what exactly are you uncomfortable with? What would your complaint / worry actually be?

His sexual relations outside his marriage have nothing to do with you. He is a manager in the organisation where you work, not your child's godfather.

They were at it in the office which is why there was a disciplinary. A bit different to happening in hotels etc.

Again, what’s making you and the other two women uncomfortable about him managing you? If you can’t articulate your concerns here, what are you going to say to your current manager that’s going to make them take you seriously? His lack of morals and his behaviour are reasons not to be friends with him, but they are not reasons not to be managed by him.

I’ve either forgotten or didn’t see the other thread, have you reported it Roo?

What’s making you think it’s the same poster? Was talking to her like pulling hen’s teeth as well?

Even if it was consensual it can still be inappropriate/an abuse of power in the workplace