AIBU to think school should allow reduced hours for my son?

[teenagerlegproblems]

Ds (year 9) is having a lot of leg problems, pain, fatigue. We have seen the GP and have a referral to physio. In the meantime we are just having to manage as best we can. DS is not sleeping well due to the pain so until the physio appt at the end of the month (on the Gp recommendation) we let the school know that DS will need a reduced timetable.

They’ve said no. That he has to attend or it won’t be authorised. I paid £60 for a GP letter to explain and they still said no. We had said that he can only manage each day up till 130 (so he will miss the last two lessons), we checked his timetable and these are the ones that are less important (all double lessons) PE, citizenship, French (he is already fluent) and RE (he can do this work at home).

I feel they are being very difficult. They’ve said they won’t ‘release’ him to us as he’s legally required to be there till 330. So far they have done but have said from Monday this will not be the case? Do I just keep him off then ?

I'm I'd just go get him every day. Fake an appointment every afternoon that requires him to leave school. Schools often say no repeatedly until they learn you won't give up.

They ask for proof of appointments before you collect so this won’t work

My ds has ME.. Secondary school made absolutely no allowances at all. Even asked for a letter of proof from his consultant.. I once emailed pics of ds asleep on the dining room floor with ddog when he literally couldn't make it to his room after school.. They cared not one shiney shit..

Can you speak to someone in your LA for advice?

That’s awful. Surely they have a duty of care to make sure children are helped in any way possible? I’ve been shocked so far at the attitude that he has to just put up with it ?

Sorry he's having problems.

Will two hours less make that much difference? it's sitting down and listening rather than physical activity. I wouldn't pick this as my hill to die on.

I would assume they cannot actually refuse to let you pick him up.

Whether it’s marked as authorised or not may be a separate issue - I’d probably speak to the local authority. But if he’s being picked up at 1:30 it might be after afternoon registration anyway, so wouldn’t go down as an absence.

So far they have done but have said from Monday this will not be the case?

@teenagerlegproblems I'm not sure what you mean by this. So far they have let him leave or not let him leave?

It includes PE!

Surely he’s going to be sat down in those lessons so doesn’t make any difference?

I would say that he won’t be partaking in PE (they cant force this) but otherwise he can stay in school if certain things can be put in place due to his mobility issues. I’m assuming it’s the moving about that’s the issue not sitting down or it would be no better at home? Can they look into him being in classes on the ground floor, less walking, leaving lessons 5 mins early to take his time getting from lesson to lesson, lift pass etc?

I suppose the other option is to not take him into school until 11:30? They cannot drag him into school but I suppose they could be obstructive in letting him out?

What is the plan long term? Would he see any benefit from not doing PE? Having a quiet room to rest on breaks? It’s unfair the school aren’t being supportive but I can understand that missing 10 hours of school per week is not a long term solution for your son.

Yes he’s getting both marks each day

This week they have allowed it but told me it’s stops on Monday that they won’t release him

It may be worth talking to the governors about. Sorry to hear he's feeling so ill. Rest is important.

He needs to rest at home he’s exhausted from not sleeping properly at night.

I'd be getting him back to the GP for painkillers that enable him to function. Whatever condition they think he has, the first physio session isn't going to get him better immediately. Obviously no PE but to miss so many lessons over the medium term is not something to take lightly.

I don't think they can prevent you from picking him up. It's going to be just a case of authorising it. So it wouldn't achieve anything to just keep him home.

You can stop him doing PE. Write a note or get the gp to do so.

what pain relief does he have? If any?

school can be arsey about you picking him up but maybe it would be easier on you (and him) if he stays off one day a week.

schools can be very fussy about giving meds so if you have prescribed painkillers just get him to carry them and take them at lunch/break on a schedule.

look at his schedule and work out which days are less likely to matter (eg have PE, French if already fluent etc).

my daughter had ME and yeah it’s tricky.

You might find it helpful to get advice from IPSEA on this https://www.ipsea.org.uk/illness

This isn’t a comment about school but how is his pain being managed? Has the GP prescribed appropriate pain meds, and tried different ones if the initial ones have been ineffective?

I was in agony for 2 months during sixth form due to a serious health condition and I was waiting on the referral to the specialist - my mother was in tears sending me to school (she never cries) and said “this is going to be with you for life, and as awful as it is to live with, it’s something you will need to learn to cope with, which is why I’m making you in”. Best thing she ever did; it taught me resillience and I’m flying through my career despite the health challenges I have when it could be so much easier if I gave into my problems and didn’t work

Surely the real issue here is getting him decent pain relief so he can sleep properly? It seems crazy to let him risk falling behind at school rather than address the root cause of the problem.

Look op you need to teach him resilience. Who knows how long this could go on for, he won’t be able to do this in a job. It’s coming up to his gcse years, he needs to learn to push through a bit. Get better pain medication, this isn’t the answer and you know it isn’t.

And your mother was right.

Contact your local sendiass team - i think they should be able to mediate with the school.