AIBU to opt out of health visitor visits

[HVinterfering]

I have a very overbearing HV who has told me that she is ‘concerned’ by how I’m weaning dd!

we have a lot of allergies in the family - she has told me to give dd these things to ‘ desensitise her and stop an allergy developing’ that early exposure will mean she won’t be allergic . I said no early exposure will just risk an earlier reaction !

She also said baby led is now the default and she isn’t happy that we are doing traditional weaning. I’ve heard you can opt out - if I do this will it cause problems? I simply don’t want her interfering anymore and criticising me .

You can opt out of any and all healthcare.

Nah, get rid of her.

Rightly or wrongly, the NHS does suggest exposing babies to allergens to stop an allergy developing. However, your relationship with the HV doesn’t sound very productive and it’s within your rights to opt out. https://www.nhs.uk/baby/weaning-and-feeding/food-allergies-in-babies-and-young-children/

She’s right on the allergy front - there is robust evidence that early exposure to potential allergens reduces risk of allergy.

Of course you can refuse her visits. It’s also fine to just thank her for her advice, do your own research, and make your own informed choices.

My other dc reacted the first time they had their allergens under a year old so I just can’t do it as for us it seems the advice isn’t correct. I tried to tell her this and she said ‘you need to follow the advice - or do you want another child with allergies ‘

She sounds awful. Ask for a different one.

You've no basis to argue against the evidence re allergies. A reaction when young doesn't mean they won't grow out of it, or not react when older. All the evidence points towards exposure rather than limiting exposure to allergens.

She's also right about BLW. It doesn't have to be 100% BLW but it's important for developing coordination and swallowing skills to eat from non purée materials.

However yanbu to refuse HVs if you don't want them.

There is evidence that suggests early exposure to allergens can stop allergies from developing, but at the same time if you’re uncomfortable with that, that’s your decision to make as a parent and I don’t see it as a reason to be concerned. I also see no problem with traditional weaning as long as everything is being done safely. It sounds like she’s overbearing and is trying to force her ideas onto you. YANBU to opt out of future visits. It shouldn’t cause problems as the visits are not compulsory.

Why does it matter so much how you wean your child?? I went the traditional root, when my son was born in 2010. There were plenty of women going down the baby led weaning path, as there were more the traditional method. I probably did a bit of both to be honest. My son is a healthy, unfussy eater, 5 ft 11 nearly 16 year old!! Do what you feel is best for your child.

The allergy side of things, I have no advice. I have an intolerance, which is different to an allergy, and appears to run in my Mum's side of the family!

Puree-fed 80s and 90s babies have grown up to be perfectly competent eaters. Fashions in weaning come and go. In a decade there will be a new way of doing it and BLW will be all wrong.

This woman does sound rather overbearing and I can see why you’d rather manage without any more of her advice, as is your right to do so

you can opt out

The advice sounds correct to me, the evidence is that it's best to expose to allergens orally (not via skin) early. Of course for some children they will still react as it doesn't eliminate allergies but reduces likelihood dramatically at population level

I think you mean finger foods and a self feeding rather than blw. Spoon feeding is fine and some puree but lots of children are becoming "stuck" on pureed food and staying nursery not taking actual food which can cause wider issues. Again might not be your child but she is giving advice for everyone

I opted out for DC2. Totally useless in my experience with my first.

Most of purée generation had finger food alongside. It wasn't just purées. The new purée feeders don't do the finger stuff alongside ime because they view it as BLW. So you get 3yos unable to chew and swallow correctly. OP might be including finger foods too, but HV is right to give the advice.

She's right on the allergens - before 6m is ideal (4-6m is the sweet spot for allergens), if you're waiting until over a year, as you seem to be suggesting, you are increasing the risk even more. Saying it didn't work for your first is daft- people get run over daily, we still look when crossing the road. Reducing a risk doesn't mean eliminating it. Anyway, it sounds like you introduced them late the first time round.

But it's your baby, and that's your risk to take, and you can legally opt out if you want.

Where in the Country are you that has enough HVs for you to be getting multiple visits from a HV, at any stage, let alone at (presumably) 6months+, and with a 2nd child ??

Because, if you are having these visits due to some previous concerns, then 'opting out' raises flags for safeguarding.

Mine told me I weaned too young despite being under a paediatric consultant who advised weaning at 17 weeks due to other conditions dd had - my goodness she was a far happier baby from day one of weaning. He disagreed with consultant so I stopped those.

Re baby led - I did both and it really depends on the dc. I personally think a combination of purées and finger foods work well. Purées were more for early weaners so if they’re 6 months then they need those motor skills and textures. But sometimes you just need them fed. I was still feeding dd1 at a year whereas twins were feeding themselves (and each other) from 6 months.

allergies - if they have an allergy then early introduction won’t bring it on as such but identifies it. Avoiding foods increases chance of allergies. Allergy household here trying to establish if ketchup is the latest culprit for dd3 at age 14. It’s something new each year for her.

If your first child's allergies are so serious, they must be under an allergist right? What has your consultant said? Because I know they absolutely would have advised exposure to allergens.

The top allergists do not recommend giving children allergens especially when there is a family history of it and as the mother that is YOUR decisonn NOT the health visitors!

you can just tell the health visitor dept that you don’t want or need a health visitor and that you will contact your gp or whoever if you need them!

The advice is correct and fine HOWEVER you are not obliged to follow it and her threat that if you don't do what she says you will be to blame for an allergy is worthy of a complaint if it's exactly as you describe. It's not acceptable in the way you describe it has having been delivered.

Personally in your shoes I've be very wary about giving your child something high risk if I already had children with allergies because there is an increased risk due to genetics. It would make me nervous and I'd want to try certain things at a time and place where if they did have a reaction I could do something very quickly about it. That's what is discuss with a reasonable HV. In this case though the relationship and trust isn't there so it's utterly pointless as an exercise.

However I say this as a parent who had a baby who was refusing all food only for him to be left near some open peanut butter which helped himself with his hands in the jar when we weren't looking, with a huge grin on his face. We were like "I guess we are about to find out if he's allergic to nuts then". (He isn't. My brother has a peanut allergy though so we had been putting it off). I do not recommend this method.

I stopped seeing the HVs when my second child was born. The woman hadn’t turned up for our arranged appointment at my house, I waited 3 hours but had to go to another appointment. She had the nerve to have a go at me for not being home. I of course pointed out she was 3 hours late and hadn’t even had the common courtesy to advise me she was running late. We rearranged for another day and during that visit she told me I looked too glamorous for a new mum (I had put some mascara on to try not look like absolute shit) and asked me whether my children both had the same dad. Wasn’t so much what she said but how she said it that I found incredibly rude. So yeah we never bothered with them again. I’d just go to the drop in clinic to get him weighed every month or so but just didn’t respond regarding any further home visits or checks and there were no consequences for want of a better word

This nonsense of “growing out” of allergies is just that! Utter rubbish!!! I’m 65 and still
waiting on growing out of mine and all 4 of my children who inherited my allergies and health conditions unfortunately also didn’t “grow out” of them! I’ve met many a useless twat of an allergist who tried to force me to give my children allergens when they were tiny and we even went down that road and tried it and all that happened was those children ended up having worse responses to those allergens that the ones we
had avoided.

The current advice is to introduce the main allergens early and keep giving them regularly to maintain tolerance but it doesn't sound like your relationship with this health visitor is worth continuing as you're not getting anything positive out of it.

I’m not surprised you or other OPs want to opt out due to these rude people. I would first try asking for a change of practitioner.

It is not ‘utter rubbish’ to say that some children really do grow out of allergies, and some don’t.

HV service is optional. If you decide you do not want any future contacts email into their duty line and state child(ren)'s full details and inform them that you wish to decline the service and all future appointments and that you are aware of how to contact them if and when you want to in the future.

Depending on how your area is running you may get a phone call, they notify your GP out of professional courtesy and that's that.