AIBU to opt out of health visitor visits

[HVinterfering]

I have a very overbearing HV who has told me that she is ‘concerned’ by how I’m weaning dd!

we have a lot of allergies in the family - she has told me to give dd these things to ‘ desensitise her and stop an allergy developing’ that early exposure will mean she won’t be allergic . I said no early exposure will just risk an earlier reaction !

She also said baby led is now the default and she isn’t happy that we are doing traditional weaning. I’ve heard you can opt out - if I do this will it cause problems? I simply don’t want her interfering anymore and criticising me .

If your other children have severe allergy and have epi-pens as you say - they’ll have an NHS paeds allergy clinic.
I would seek their expert advice on introducing allergens to your baby. My middle son has an NHS paeds allergy clinic that is great.
if you don’t get on with your HV simply request another one.

Haven’t seen a HV once and have had 3 babies. Sack her off you know what you’re doing

I mean, she’s right- but it’s up to you if you engage with her advice or not.

Nothing has said that early exposure to allergens will completely stop a child developing allergies but the advice is that it’s likely to help. 100% of allergies won’t be eradicated by early exposure but some are likely to be. Perhaps could be the difference of a child having 3 allergies or 1… worth that, no?

As for weaning, there’s reams on the benefits of BLW, but none for spoon feeding. I like a combo of both methods as I find positives in them both.

We had a different HV every visit for each child. You could opt out or maybe just request a different one?

The route HVs support is not generally hard line BLW as in put a piece of steak on their tray on day 7. It's more early promotion of finger feeding and exploring and having family meal times. Also not encouraging pouches and prepped ready meal type stuff.

The top allergists?!!! Please link me to the top allergist peer reviewed research. Here’s where I look for evidence based allergen advice https://www.bsaci.org/resources/allergy-management/food-allergy/allergy-prevention/early-introduction-of-food-allergens/ ps it’s my job.

Health visitors are optional so you absolutely don't need to see her if you don't want to, you can just tell them you're opting out. Unfortunately many of them are pretty useless and some have a very overinflated sense of their own importance!

I doubt this is the case.

Op, not sure where you are coming from and to but I never kept any advice and ate in pregnancy absolutely everything and mixed everything in my daughter's purees and she does not have any allergy

I had a poor experience with a HV and then moved counties (not related 😂). Once I registered at the doctors in the new place a HV phoned and offered a home visit, I declined as I didn’t feel she would add anything to my life. Nothing bad happened.

BLW is just the latest trend. It'll be out of fashion soon enough and I think most of us who weren't weaned in that way have perfectly good swallowing and co-ordination skills.

How on earth is it a trend? I did BLW with my DD 15 years ago! When is it supposedly going to go out of fashion?

My HV in 2012 gave me a printed out link to an advice website with multiple letters etc cut out with scissors. Literally a line of text cut out complicated website. I looked at her like wtf? There had been abuse in my relationship before I gave birth but she put in my records that I was post natal, which was completely false, never had any issues with my baby. Interesting to hear that 14 years later they’re still hopeless. I went once to get DD weighed and the people there were really weird so I didn’t go again. Seems the service is still a joke. It’s ridiculous in this day and age!

Don’t most people do a bit of both. My oldest is nearly 30 and my DF loved giving her a chunk of crust of bread with butter. Not sure how much she ate but she enjoyed it!
I also started weaning at 4 months! I also use to put chunks of different food on high chair but I fed her food. Plus I gave her a spoon to play with.
I’m also glad the internet wasn’t really a thing as I would have an anxious mess!

Actually pureeing food is a more of a trend than BLW which had been the way of weaning throughout history. Do you think the Romans got their nutri bullet out 🤭

Of course not everyone who is pureed led has mouth and swallowing issues. Medical reporting of issues doesn’t work like that. They work on averages. And on average those that aren’t BLW report a whole lot more of these problems - and often they impact into adult life.

I find the HV service bizarre. The whole thing was started in the 1860s by the Manchester and Salford Sanitary Reform Association when wealthy ladies decided the poor needed guidance, so they started sending women around to tell mothers how to care for children. The aim was good - to reduce the very high infant mortality rates - but it's hard not to see it as essentially busybodying from people who believed the poor were lazy and in need of 'reform.'

The service carried on and was formalised as a government requirement because it was seen as a way of plugging the gap between birth and five, when a child starts school. Essentially a way of ensuring children didn't disappear due to lack of state involvement. Again, a good aim, but there seems to be a lack of clarity about what on earth they are supposed to be doing. In theory they're there to support everyone, but in fact all they can really do is flag up the families who seem to be struggling or the children who appear to be abused/neglected. For everyone else they're mostly an annoying and pointless interference.

It's good they exist - they're better than nothing - but they seem to suffer in the same way as all services from women suffer, from a lack of knowledge and direction as well as a lack of funding. It results in overworked people who have no real power or remit making women feel criticised rather than supported.

The HVs I came across were clueless and unhelpful. When I needed help - my DD didn't sleep and I was insane from sleep deprivation - they didn't seem to know what to do. I very much got the sense that as long as a box was ticked - i.e. everyone was alive, clean and fed - they weren't interested. The offered advice I didn't need and then fobbed me off. What was the point of that?

Anyway that's a long-winded way of saying yes you can tell them get fucked. I'm sure a lot of them are trying to do a good job, but they're working in a misogynisitic system that has no idea what women need.

If your older one has serious allergies, take the advice of their consultant. I know one such family where the older child and father went away for a weekend so mum could eat the allergen and see whether breastfed younger child reacted to the change in her milk. The advice, of course, might be different now, but it may also be different where there is a particularly severe allergy in the family. You need consultant advice on that, not HV or mumsnet.

You can opt out
They are interfering and a lot of them contribute to pnd
With their fussing about nonsense
And threats of social services bogey man

I opted out.

Had the "head of safeguarding" call me who was actually really nice and there was nothing done.

First HV I had was lovely. Second one would always be late or not turn up at all and I got sick of it.

I sacked mine and wrote a stonking letter of complaint I swear she sent me crazy - cant believe you’re still putting up with her at weaning age!! Call the HV team, quote what she said to you about wanting another child with allergies and say you’ll see them at the next official development check.

I understand you nervousness with allergies - my second had immediate, severe reactions to pretty much every food I gave him so we waited until we had both a peads and dietician/allergy clinic appointment. We ended up having to thicken everything due to a previously unknown medical issue, start again with allergens and attempt multiple ladders. Your eldest seem way worse than my second and I’d be incredibly cautious if I were to do it again, especially as you have a higher natural risk hereditarily. Despite not weaning my second until almost 9 months - so no allergens after the initial doomed exposures - he now only remains allergic to soy, and is a bottomless pit! I think it’s really easy to say “the advice is x”, but the lived experience when you feel like youre poisoning your child and needing to dash to a&e is so different. I actually went back to the HV who was useless just told me to get through the allergies, my GP was amazing and so were the consultants when we were admitted. I would encourage speaking to a GP or a dietician for advice given the risk factors, they might do nuts etc in clinic/on the ward. And they medically properly understand and see families like it and can advise, HVs are pot luck! X

What does your doctor say re introducing foods earlier? Just based on your family history, wondering if you are under allergist doc, if not, please request referral due to family history for baby.
Have
you begun milk ladders for CMPA for older two, with paediatric support/input?

You can opt out of HV. Or change HV. Like others say, evidence suggests earlier rather than later for introducing allergens, especially if family history, however you may feel safer to do this within clinic environment which you can ask allergy team at local trust to accommodate.

Every health visitor would have hated me if l told them the truth. My son was fully weaned at 6 months old. Never did him any harm, he is 29years of age now, six foot 9inches and a very healthy young man.Only problem he as ever had is he wanted to become a pilot in the RAF , he went through all the interviews etc. He got a letter saying he had successful, but they could not take his application any further, due to his height he wouldn't be able to eject from the aircraft, it would rip off his knee caps. They offered him to train as an air traffic controller, he was devastated, he declined the offer. He is now an engineer with a private pilots licence.
Do what you like, tell the HV what they want to hear...you know your child

my daughter opted out, we used to take my dear granddaughter to the clinic. she wasn't crawling or even rolling at the assessment and the HV visitor said oooo we have to be careful she is near the red dot, i asked what that meant and she said it means she is over weight. i said she isnt even crawling. safe to say we never went back and got a HV form saying 2 year check we declined. they didnt like it wanted to know why, then said we are going to have to let your doctor know, then the doctor messaged saying about it. but i agree with you, opt out. women have give birth and raised kids for thousands of years without having to answer or listen to HV. you know your child and if you are concerned you can visit your doctor.

I wanted to with all of mine but felt they’d find it suspicious, like I was hiding something so didn’t. I was fortunate that Covid hit so I think I saw one twice with my youngest, and once was because I requested it due to him not walking by 20 months.

They’re just often a bit useless. I found them quite intrusive and nosey. Most often middle class older women filled with outdated advice and anecdotes which aren’t overly helpful or relatable.

i wouldnt opt out
you wont have to see her much anyway
and she sounds up to date with her advice