AIBU to opt out of health visitor visits

[HVinterfering]

I have a very overbearing HV who has told me that she is ‘concerned’ by how I’m weaning dd!

we have a lot of allergies in the family - she has told me to give dd these things to ‘ desensitise her and stop an allergy developing’ that early exposure will mean she won’t be allergic . I said no early exposure will just risk an earlier reaction !

She also said baby led is now the default and she isn’t happy that we are doing traditional weaning. I’ve heard you can opt out - if I do this will it cause problems? I simply don’t want her interfering anymore and criticising me .

What?? Even if you just do pureed jars from the supermarket they have solid lumps in them from about seven months - all the babies on jars will be able to eat proper solid food by a year, based on what's in them - usually a mix of puree and lumpy food

Bottom line is you can decide to take or leave HV advice.
She is giving you the latest advice about early exposure to allergens, but it is still your choice how you proceed.
You could ask for a different HV who may be a better fit for you or decide to opt out,if you do completely opt out it may trigger safeguarding concerns as an "unseen child"
Im a midwife and i had a personality clash with my HV, I asked for an alternative and got on with her really well and she was very helpful .
Good luck

Some of them are jobsworths. I had one (no kids of her own) and she was very condescending. Friends had similar experience with her. Thankfully the other ones I’ve had have all been lovely.

I’d just smile, nod and continue what you’re doing. Both of mine were spoon fed purées and they’re on the top height/weight centiles and healthy eaters so it had no ill effect.

I’d imagine opting out could raise eyebrows, especially if she’s a busybody.

You should only have the 1 and 2 year check left.

Some parents aren't progressing beyond the jars, even the 12-18mo ones are mostly mush and very little actual chewing like on a cucumber or carrot stick.

Your older child having allergies does not mean that the research showing the early exposure reduces risk (reduces, not eliminates) of allergies is wrong though.

However, I found HVs a complete waste of time. They recommended I speak to the GP about anything I asked them - things I’d think were firmly in their remit.

Reacted how? Anaphylaxis? Difficulty breathing? A rash? Tickly throat?

The evidence of more common allergies is now thought to be caused by poor advice on NOT exposing kids to potential allergen foods.

Yeah I agree.

tbh I was unsure what traditional weaning was - I can’t imagine anyone just giving mush for months on end. My babies have all been so so keen for a bit of toast or omelette or picking up peas with their fingers. I can’t imagine someone stopping a baby trying to eat finger food

I also think it’s odd you are having so many visits, where I am it was one visit after birth then the rest was at the baby clinic which you could go to if you wanted.. or not

How often are you seeing her? With my DDs, contact significantly slowed after 6months, then the 1y check and the 2yr check. I only saw our HV more frequently for two specific (different) issues that both my DDs had. You can of course opt out if you want, but you might find you just dont really see her that much anymore anyway!

Im sorry youve had a poor experience - my HV was a lifesaver and I truly wish I could replicate her x1000!

On the weaning point, we did puree + finger food (and for DD2 very slow approach after she had a choking episode when I had to do back blows) and noone ever commented. BLW is popular but even Charlotte Stirling-Reed talks about purees + finger food so I dont think the HV should be too concerned about that.

Also surprised the HV is seeing you - I think I saw one twice after my baby was born, within the first two weeks?

I have 2 older dc, both reacted (hives and vomiting and swelling ) to baby formula the very first time they had it. They both still have CMPA. Both also allergic to egg (reacted first time) again anaphylaxis they have epi pens. One is allergic to peanuts and the other peanuts almonds and cashews (the same as me) I’m just not believing it that if I give my baby these allergens that they won’t have the same reactions so I’m going to wait.

I had a visit during pregnancy at 28 weeks (I thought it was odd they said it was a universal plus offer or something?), then new birth visit then I’ve been to the baby weighing clinic, she asked to do a home visit again as baby didn’t gain much weight initially then she’s been quite intense since then.

It varies LA.
In my LA it’s prebirth check, 10-14 days, 6 weeks, 1and 2 year check. Same for all my friends.
If baby loses weight then they will be more frequent.

I have no idea how you’re getting so much HV attention! After the newborn phase I didn’t get anything until a questionnaire arrived in the post when they were around 1. But yes it’s an optional service and you can absolutely decline future visits as not needed and then make your own mind up as to whether or not you want the milestone checks.

But she’s not totally wrong on the allergies. However, if you have another DC under an allergy clinic I would ask them for advice and/or maybe discuss with the GP as you might be inadvertently making things worse by ignoring up to date advice. I do totally get your reluctance to trust a HV though and I’d want advice specific to my family from an actual doctor.

On weaning, traditional weaning was always a mix of finger foods and purees. The fingers foods are very important post 6 months for the development of things like speech, pincer grip and hand eye coordination. Maybe she’s misunderstood and thinks you’re only doing purees which has never been a thing except for v early weaning pre 6 months which is rarely done anymore.

They aren't, I'm not sure if pouches rather than jars play a part in this or if fear of choking is higher but the number of children referred for dysphagia and chewing/swallowing issues and it turns out to be lack of exposure to foods you have to chew is rising.

it was and should still be possible to wean a baby using puree then soft solids and a graded textured approach of you prefer. For some reason increasing numbers of people aren't managing to do so though

Just on the allergen thing, if you’re worried don’t hold off introducing them but introduce them slowly, just like you would with the egg or milk ladder where it’s just a teeny tiny amounts of the well baked/processed ones first, then more, then move up a wrung etc.
Peanut is supposed to be like a grain of rice sized amount peanut butter mixed with fruit purée or cereal, then pea sized, then 1/4 teaspoon and so on. There are some NHS links to introducing peanut and other allergens online.

As to the HV, you can opt out but I’d just request a new one. They can be really useful but if the relationship isn’t working then it isn’t working. I’m sure they’ll send someone else. I rarely see the same one twice.

Baby with siblings and parent with allergies will have a higher likelihood of allergies. This is well documented and should be understood by your HV.

My first had exposure to peanut throughout my pregnancy as I love peanut butter. Second time he had it at 6 months old he wiped it in his eye and came up with hives. Peanut and cashew allergy were determined from skin prick tests. Early exposure isnt a guarantee that no allergies are present

Yes, tell her to FUCK OFF.
My husband threw the health visitor out the house when she made me cry and refused to let her come back in. And when my second baby was born I was clear about not allowing the health visitor to do home visits afterwards. It’s your baby, your body and your choice.

She’s right that early exposure reduces risk. Of course if the child is severely allergic then they’re severely allergic and it doesn’t matter what time they’re introduced - you might as well know. First time is never that serious as you know

Don’t do that. If you don’t want to engage don’t but please don’t tell a woman doing her job to fuck off, and don’t get a Neanderthal thug of a husband to chuck her out of the house. Use adult words and behaviours

Well it does sound quite intense, I never went to the clinic and never heard from them again

Our HV had a weaning expert, who wasn't even a qualified HV. She told me that I shouldn't be feeding my DD2 any smooth purees, it must at least contain lumps. At that point any lumps caused DD2 to throw up the entire contents of her stomach, so all of the food plus milk. I was tempted to tell her that I'd happily feed lumpy food if she'd agree to come round and clear up the pools of vomit.

Completely unnecessary. I would have opted out but covid happened and all contact ceased anyway after my baby was 2 weeks old.

I had to work with some HV a few years later and I asked if what they did if people declined the service - they said they just leave them to it, they had no time to follow it up.

The HV is correct about exposure to allergens but if you have lots in the family it may be worth getting a referral to a specialist dietitian or allergy specialist for tests or exposure under controlled medical conditions.

Weaning can be a bit of traditional purées and finger foods like a floret of broccoli, a finger of toast etc to help encourage self feeding and different textures.

if you are not gelling with your HV you are perfectly within your rights to ask for a different one rather than opt out all together.