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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Four Weddings and a Funeral

187 replies

TheBlueRobin · 06/06/2026 22:12

Watched this film tonight, bit of a comfort film and love anything from Richard Curtis. What I hadn't really paid attention to before was how soon people got married? Lydia and Bernard after 3 months. Carrie and Hamish after a few months?

Was this more normal in the 90s or just a plot device? I'm getting married this year but was born in the 90s and been with my partner for nearly 8 years. Most of my cousins got married in the 90s in their early twenties after 1-2 years together.

Yabu - that was normal in the 90s
Yanbu - definitely unusual, people took longer to get married.

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 07/06/2026 17:36

Lol at the idea people didn’t live together in the 1990s. I started living with DP in the 1990s and we STILL haven’t got married. Grin

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/06/2026 17:38

merryhouse · 07/06/2026 15:50

I'd always assumed there was a year between each wedding🙃

This at Charles Wedding Angus' twins are 9 months ish so this would fit with it being 2 years since the first wedding

BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · 07/06/2026 17:46

A bit of both I think. Although people did cohabit in the 90s it certainly wasn’t as common now where it is a normal relationship step and people think you are crazy if you marry without doing so. My own parents married in 1987 after 2.5 years of dating which still seems soon by today’s standards.

So yes people did on the whole get married quicker but largely it was just a plot device.

BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · 07/06/2026 17:46

PuppyMonkey · 07/06/2026 17:36

Lol at the idea people didn’t live together in the 1990s. I started living with DP in the 1990s and we STILL haven’t got married. Grin

People obviously did and it was more accepted but it certainly wasn’t the norm like it is now

Amiacoolorwarmcolour · 07/06/2026 17:47

Just looked it up and Jeanne Tripplehorn was originally cast as Carrie but had to drop out due to her mother’s sudden death. So A M was then cast.

EvelynBeatrice · 07/06/2026 18:01

Silverbirchleaf · 07/06/2026 16:34

It wasn’t the norm to live together or have children first in my circles either. Times were a changing, but it was still more normal to marry first.

It still is more normal for professional couples to marry before having children, judging by my workplace. Maybe because the women are aware of the the financial risks of unmarried pregnancy and childcare.

Interestingly, a few of them have opted for civil partnerships instead and deferred the marriage party for a few years down the line post child.

BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · 07/06/2026 18:08

EvelynBeatrice · 07/06/2026 18:01

It still is more normal for professional couples to marry before having children, judging by my workplace. Maybe because the women are aware of the the financial risks of unmarried pregnancy and childcare.

Interestingly, a few of them have opted for civil partnerships instead and deferred the marriage party for a few years down the line post child.

Edited

I agree it’s still the norm in middle class families to marry first. I feel like I read something about there being a very obvious class divide in this regard but I would need to look it up again.

Certainly there would have been some raised eyebrows in my family if any of my cousins or siblings had children without getting married. The “correct” order is dating, rent together for a year or two, buy a house, get engaged, marry within 2 years, then children.

Wonderknicks · 07/06/2026 18:10

I was married in the early 90s after 8 years together, & having lived together for about 3 years. Everyone I knew lived together before they got married, I can't think of a single pair who didn't.

Secretsquirrelshh · 07/06/2026 18:10

I watched this with DD13 recently and she loved it (it’s my favourite movie) but this time I noticed exactly the same thing, particularly with Charles and Duckface. Appreciate they were on again off again but to have a wedding on that scale mere weeks after Carrie and Hamish’s wedding seemed ambitious!

Secretsquirrelshh · 07/06/2026 18:12

Amiacoolorwarmcolour · 07/06/2026 17:21

I could never work out if Andie M was a terrible actress, or whether it was the script which was terrible.
I think I heard it mentioned that another actor had accepted the role but for some reason Andie M was shoehorned it at the last minute.

She was the big name though - she’s billed top of all the cast. The whole movie was made for something like a million quid.

SkippitySkoppity · 07/06/2026 18:14

He later starred with Jeanne Tripplehorn in Mickey Blue Eyes. It was shite if memory serves

BeMintFatball · 07/06/2026 18:15

Met in 1992, engaged in 1994 and married in 1995.
celebrating 31 years of marriage next month.

Agree with PP who said once you decided to marry you just got
on with the planning.

MyCloak · 07/06/2026 18:20

BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · 07/06/2026 17:46

People obviously did and it was more accepted but it certainly wasn’t the norm like it is now

I lived in three different countries with my partner in the nineties, and literally everyone lived together, often for years, before marrying, if they did marry.

ETA Have just thought of one exception where the man refused to live with his LD longdistance partner before the wedding with the excuse that his parents ‘wouldn’t like it’ — looking back, he didn’t want to get married at all.

BIossomtoes · 07/06/2026 18:25

I’m sure literally everyone didn’t.

Yamyamabroad · 07/06/2026 18:26

I lived with my boyfriend from 1989 onwards and finally got married this year. It was absolutely normal amongst professionals in London but I got a few raised eyebrows when I went back up North when we had kids. I didn't know anyone that didn't live together before getting married - though not many took as long as us 🤣

Secretsquirrelshh · 07/06/2026 18:28

Apparently the dreadful "Is it still raining? I hadn't noticed" line was supposed to be ironic and funny, rather than drippily romantic. Lost something in the direction or delivery. But now I know that it irritates me less. (Though the swelling soundtrack doesn't help.)

MyballsareSandy2015 · 07/06/2026 18:29

We met in 1987 and married in 1996. Moved in together 5 years after meeting.

Thebinisrightthere · 07/06/2026 18:32

Secretsquirrelshh · 07/06/2026 18:12

She was the big name though - she’s billed top of all the cast. The whole movie was made for something like a million quid.

Not true. Hugh Grant's name is shown first. Understandable really, as he's in pretty much every scene. Annie MacDowell isn't

DryTerryandJUNE · 07/06/2026 18:37

Plot device.

Secretsquirrelshh · 07/06/2026 18:53

Thebinisrightthere · 07/06/2026 18:32

Not true. Hugh Grant's name is shown first. Understandable really, as he's in pretty much every scene. Annie MacDowell isn't

You are quite right - I've just double checked. Must have had a brain fart!

MyCloak · 07/06/2026 18:56

Secretsquirrelshh · 07/06/2026 18:28

Apparently the dreadful "Is it still raining? I hadn't noticed" line was supposed to be ironic and funny, rather than drippily romantic. Lost something in the direction or delivery. But now I know that it irritates me less. (Though the swelling soundtrack doesn't help.)

I always find her a weirdly opaque actress. She’s definitely totally opaque in FWAAF.

If she’s supposed to be playing the confident, sexually-experienced, gorgeous American breezing in and out and creating havoc in a film about bumbling English eccentricity and self-deprecation, then we need to see that in her performance.

But you spend half the time thinking ‘Why did she say x? Does she mean it, is it a weird joke, or does she just have the self-knowledge of a teaspoon? Or is it just bad acting from someone who doesn’t understand the character, even though ‘’confident, charming American, charmed by bumbling Hugh Grant’ doesn’t seem that complicated ?’

Like when she pretends she thinks they’re engaged after she first sleeps with Charles, and then says ‘But I think we both missed a great opportunity here’ — why? If she likes Charles, exchanging numbers would be normal. She’s going to the US, not Jupiter.

Why does a glamorous American who works for Vogue and happily shags all round her marry a charmless Tory politician old enough to be her father, never seems that nice to her, and whose friends she describes as ‘gruesome stiffs’?

Are we really supposed to imagine she and ghastly Hamish cancelled their honeymoon for the funeral of a man they’d met twice? When she looks all stony-faced at the funeral, is she supposed to be grieving or has she already realised Hamish is awful, especially as she tells Charles, in a breathtaking display of tactlessness given the circumstances, that she’d liked him telling her he loved her?

Why does she wear a weirdly unweddingy outfit to Charles and Duckface’s wedding, when she’s been all hats and fabulousness at the previous two where she was a guest? (I mean, why does she even attend? If she likes Charles, it’s too late.) Is the outfit supposed to show us she’s sadder and wiser?

And if it’s actually supposed to be a joke about not noticing the pouring rain, it needs to be said with obvious irony. Not just sort of blankly, like she might really not have noticed.

Jc2001 · 07/06/2026 19:05

Thebinisrightthere · 07/06/2026 16:24

It's a pretty good film, far better than Notting Hill and the less said about Love Actually, the better imo

Love actually is a great film.

ourSusie · 07/06/2026 19:18

QuintadosMalvados · 07/06/2026 15:46

It was released in 1994.
And Wet Wet Wet was no. 1 for 16 weeks. Or a million years. I can never remember which.

One of the few advantages of middle age is you can point these things out without thinking.

Never seen it. Never wanted to see it.
Probably too busy watching Withnail and I on video.
Though that was released in 1987, it became a cult classic later.

Withnail and I is our obligatory Boxing Day film, all phones on silent.

It’s a film I find nerve wracking, as though I have no idea what happens next.
I still get hysterical at the bull, Uncle Monty’s eyeshadow,
the in the bath,
the bleak location, the mud, the squalor, but most of all we love
Danny the Dealer and his Camberwell Carrot.

SkippitySkoppity · 07/06/2026 19:22

Jc2001 · 07/06/2026 19:05

Love actually is a great film.

You'll receive a fine and a reprimand for saying that on MN. As well as a link to that Jezebel article. 😂

Jc2001 · 07/06/2026 19:26

SkippitySkoppity · 07/06/2026 19:22

You'll receive a fine and a reprimand for saying that on MN. As well as a link to that Jezebel article. 😂

Haha I know. The irony is that most of them used to love it too until someone came along and told them they were wrong to like it 20 years later

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