Husband comment

[jbcing]

This morning my husband and I met friends (also a couple) for coffee and they were saying they were going to a wedding this evening.

My friend said “would you marry each other again if it was an option?” I took this as, if we could go back - would you choose to get married.

He INSTANTLY said “no”. I was a bit shocked and just shrugged it off as “oh what’s he like!”

we got home and I told him i am upset and feel embarrassed. he said I’m being ridiculous and have taken it the wrong way, as it was a joke.

i am now not only upset at the comment, but at him just shrugging off my feelings and not apologising for contributing to me feeling this way.

am I being too sensitive?

How is it funny? if you have to explain something is a joke, it isn’t
I’d find that really hurtful

You understood it was a joke at the time but only got upset later?

What's the joke?! Horrible thing to say. Sorry OP.

The comment itself was crass and not funny, but the fact that he isn’t bothered that he’s hurt you tells you everything you need to know 😞

No - sorry just to be clear. I shrugged it off as if I wasn’t bothered in front of the others but told him straight away that I was upset when we left and it was just us

Many a true word is spoken in jest.

Not unreasonable. How awful for him to say that to them about you.

What a nasty prick.

This reminds me of a conversation I had with DH that went something like, ‘if you had the opportunity to go back in time and do it all again, would you?’ Of course he says yes and I’m like, ‘errrr what about me and the children!!’ I would say absolutely not as then I wouldn’t have met my partner and had my kids whereas he would zoom back in time and do it again. He tried to say he meant that we’d meet each other again or something but I still hold it against him 🤣

Weird your friend asked that really. What kind of question is that for a double date coffee morning?

Hard one to call really... it depends on the tone and on your normal banter level. Do you usually joke with each other a lot? I quite often joke about when I will ditch my husband and marry [insert celebrity here], or burying him under the patio 🤣 it's not nice that you said it upset you and he dismissed you though.

Depends if he meant not with you

or just not married at all it’s a lot of expense and ceremony that is basically a day

think many people would choose not to get married but still have same partner

there always a danger with asking hypothetical questions that are never going to happen

DH and I would potentially say something like that if we were asked if we would marry each other again. It would undeniably be a joke, and we would both recognise it as such.

As I don't know you or your husband, I can't comment on whether he was likely to mean his comment as a joke or whether he might expect you to take it as such.

Tell him in a few days or weeks that you want to get divorced. His reaction will tell you all you need to know! If he’s upset, tell him it was a joke. If he doesn’t, you know it was true.

Did he mean the wedding itself? I often say I wouldn't do a wedding if I had my time again. I'd save the money and the hassle! But I would be happy to be married.

You were embarrassed in front of your friends that your husband had implied he doesn’t want to be with you or is not happy with you, and they might go away possibly feeling sorry for you that your husband would say something like that.
It’s not about whether he was joking or actually meant it or not although it’s concerning if he did actually mean it but that’s a conversation in private not when out for coffee with friends.

What a stupid question to ask.

He was obviously joking? Does he have a dry sense of humour?

I mean nobody would give the answer 'no' over coffee with friends??

Absolutely depends on the tone. I mean, did he say "no" then wink at you and give you a cheeky pinch and smile, or "NO" not even look at you etc...

Also. May i add your "friend" for saying such a question? Is she really a friend? Sounds like a massive dick to me!

Have read this twice and do not follow

Ask him to explain the joke. Or what the punchline was. If he can't tell him a joke at your expense isn't a joke, it's a dig.

Jokes are funny. That isn't at all funny. That's one of those, oh shit, really awkward, ew, move on moments only he just dropped a bombshell.

He just showed your friends and you what an asshole he is and what he thinks of your marriage. Extreme disrespect.

Time for a come to Jesus with your husband if he feels that way.

It was such a stupid question to ask a married couple in the first place that it deserved a stupid answer. I think I would have said no as well just to see the look on their faces.

@jbcing could he have thought, renewing vows perhaps, when asked would you marry each other again if it was an option?

Because I would say an instant no to that too.

Maybe your friends do not think you two would marry each other if you had the option to start again. So they wanted to know if they were right, so asked.

I asked my married-in uncle once if he’d still marry my aunt if he could turn back the clock. She’d become an alcoholic during their marriage so I thought he never would. I was surprised he said yes.