Husband comment

[jbcing]

This morning my husband and I met friends (also a couple) for coffee and they were saying they were going to a wedding this evening.

My friend said “would you marry each other again if it was an option?” I took this as, if we could go back - would you choose to get married.

He INSTANTLY said “no”. I was a bit shocked and just shrugged it off as “oh what’s he like!”

we got home and I told him i am upset and feel embarrassed. he said I’m being ridiculous and have taken it the wrong way, as it was a joke.

i am now not only upset at the comment, but at him just shrugging off my feelings and not apologising for contributing to me feeling this way.

am I being too sensitive?

And it’s basically the equivalent of saying ‘do you regret marrying each other?’

Why would anyone ask that?

Her husband might’ve too thought how stupid it was and gave a stupid answer.

yes exactly. The fact that OP has got seriously worried that her husband means he didn't want to marry her, suggests broader issues in the marriage.

DH and my wedding anniversary is coming up. DH and I have been joking together that it is not really a celebration but a commiseration of the number of years we have been forced to put up with each other. If I was OP and some of the posters on here, I would be drawing the conclusion that he must hate me.

It was a daft question. Your DH probably felt a bit of a sap if he took it as a serious question and said ‘yes’ so went for the bantery ‘no’.

I don’t know what possessed your friend to ask that. They are either a) frighteningly stupid and socially inept or b) goady as fuck.

Your husband is an arsehole and you need better friends. Sorry you are surrounded by losers.

If it was genuinely a joke then I’d let it go.

Context is everything and only you will know that.
Do you/he make jokes like that.

Did he laugh, was there a smirk or any attempt to show he was joking?

If my partner did that I would know it was a joke or not as I know him iyswim. It possibly is something one of us might say but we wouldn’t leave it hanging and would apologise if we’d upset the other.

Sounds like it was a joke

I’ve said no to this, I see it as just a joke, I’m clearly not on the point of divorce. I’d be a little icked out if my husband got all upset snd needy over it.

You and your DH interpreted the question differently - I would answer the same as your DH: I'd 100% want to relive the life I've had, fall in love again, experience birth of kids again, etc.

Yes me too. 🤣🤣

Jokes/humor are so context dependent.

It is always the same on here, where you get a person write up a joke that upset them, and then floods of comments about how it isn't funny. Of course it isn't funny - most random spoken "jokes" are not funny when written down seriously online. That is an entirely different context.

You could take a hilarious stand-up routine, and write it down seriously and it could loose all its humor.

I can fully imagine a situation where this is an innocent joke from a loving husband who is so secure in his idea of your relationship that saying no for a laugh is fine.

or

I can fully imagine a situation of a mean arsehole who says no to humiliate his wife and score a few points with his mates/friends, while jeering and saying "its only a joke".

How are any of us meant to know what the exact situational context is to make that call?

It’s in the same bracket as those truth or dare type questions. I detest all conversations like this. It’s mischievous and used by unkind people to stir things up and upset people. No good ever comes of it.

Also the attitude of a pp about the jokes about the number of years you’ve been “forced” to put up with each other etc. I think that’s a dangerous road too. It’s really not funny and introduces a dangerous negative vibe to your relationship. I feel uncomfortable around couples that talk like this. Then when they split up everyone can say “not surprised”.

My reply would have been “God no” or in reply to him something like “you’d never get that lucky twice”.

But that’s my sense of humour.

I think it’s quite sad you can’t joke around in your relationship and that’s usually a sign of something much bigger.

Would it? I’d be really really hurt. Weird idea of a “joke”. How is that funny?

It's not a joke if the other person doesn't think it's funny. That's really hurtful and the fact he doesn't care he's hurt you isn't great

What’s your relationship like, generally?

I cannot imagine my DH engaging with an outsider about his deep feelings (or me either, for that matter). We would both say "no" and laugh, rather than let the outsider in.

It was a stupid, over-personal, nosy question and an answer of "yes" wouldn't necessarily be the truth, anyway.

Put it out of your mind and stop punishing your husband