Husband comment

[jbcing]

This morning my husband and I met friends (also a couple) for coffee and they were saying they were going to a wedding this evening.

My friend said “would you marry each other again if it was an option?” I took this as, if we could go back - would you choose to get married.

He INSTANTLY said “no”. I was a bit shocked and just shrugged it off as “oh what’s he like!”

we got home and I told him i am upset and feel embarrassed. he said I’m being ridiculous and have taken it the wrong way, as it was a joke.

i am now not only upset at the comment, but at him just shrugging off my feelings and not apologising for contributing to me feeling this way.

am I being too sensitive?

I read that as would you go back and do it all again as in would you want to live the same life again. I've often said I'd like to go back in time and do it all again, meaning I want to live them early years with my DC again because it was great, not because I'd change anything.

Do you feel like he loves you and wants to be with you?
I'd laugh if my DH said this as I'd know it wasn't the truth. If I'd said it and he got upset I'd think he was being silly as there are no issues in our marriage, and if there were it would be something I'd discuss in private.
I'd assume it to be a joke if any other couple said it in front of me too unless there was a very uncomfortable and tense atmosphere.

Ditch the so called friend! What an odd question to ask….

I would’ve assumed they were asking if you’d have a wedding again ie was it worth the expense, but if they were literally asking if you’d marry each other again, who the hell asks that in front of the spouse?? If he didn’t say “no I’d have a tiny ceremony”, or something sarcastic while laughing/winking/putting his arm around you because that’s his usual humour, then I would be upset with his answer

This is not a joke, it's hurtful- at best unthinking, at worst malicious- he needs to explain what he meant and apologise.

I think you've misunderstood surely? The most common meaning of "I would do it all again" means "I would make the same choices as I did first time round. I would choose you." It's very romantic!

I’m always intrigued by people who ask these kinds of questions. I mean, what response were they looking for?

Did he mean like a second wedding like a vow renewal he wouldn’t be up for?

Glad I'm not the only one !

Yes it’s a stupid question, isn’t it - I mean, what’s the point of it?

Tbh I’d reply to something like that with a bit of equally pointless sarcasm eg ‘why? You got a time machine to sell on Facebook marketplace? Is it an MLM opportunity in multidimensional space, Barbara?’

(Maybe it’s on one of those hideous ‘conversation starter’ cards that are being increasingly mentioned on MN )

That's hurtful. "Just a joke" is so tedious. I'd keep my eyes open from now on.

My husband would have said “no”, looked at me and laughed whilst I poked him hard in the ribs and then said “of course I would”. But we banter like that.
so it depends, he could have absolutely been joking but if you don’t like jokes like that, then you’ve taken it seriously.

It's such a weird question to ask - what was the mood like in the asking? Was it generally light-hearted conversation- more like weddings are such a lot of faff and waste of money, would you do it again? Or was it more serious about marriage itself being hard work, would you do it again?

Hang on, what do you think that question means? Why would you want him to say no

He’s a nob. I don’t respect people like this, and I feel sorry for you to have to put up with that kind of shit. He’s obviously trying to impress other people because at heart he isn’t satisfied with his own bullshit.

Id have said no too. Does that mean i divorce me dh now? No as we have a life together.

Your friend is a dick for asking such a stupid question. She's the idiot!

I'm another one who thinks you misunderstood his answer.

"I would do it all again" means "I would do the same again".

What else would "it" mean?

Now you know how he feels and how comfortable he is humiliating you in public.

Take it seriously.

I’d be disappointed if my husband didn’t say no…it’s just banter with the person you love.

i couldn’t be with someone who was offended/upset by this like a lot of posters seem to be implying they’d be, they must be hard work

I think she's taking it too literally ie that her husband would leave his kids and wife and be young again before he met her. At least that's the only thing I can come up with!

But the question really means "would you do it all again (because you loved it so much) or would you do it differently (which would mean a different wife and kids)"-in which case if he didn't choose the first answer that would be far worse!

The joke is that he wouldn't marry her. It's so obviously a joke. You'd hardly confess you secretly hate your partner over coffee with friends would you. Oh I haven't wanted to say was hoping someone would ask!
I would have laughed and would have said "God no" quicker than DH.

Right! God help me if any of my friends or my DH took themselves as seriously as the people on here

Where does she say that??