AIBU to think care homes need more age-appropriate entertainment?

[myislandhome]

My MIL is 91, born 1935. She has recently gone into a care home. So far, all of the entertainment in the home has been so dated - lots of WW2 focus, songs including roll out the barrel and white cliffs of dover etc. I do realise it's currently the D day celebration but it hasn't been just this weekend.
It's driving me mad, MIL was 10 when the war ended. She was in her 20's in the rock and roll era in the 50's. My own mother, who was in a nursing home until she died, was born in 1940 and had the same experience in her home; despite being in her prime in the late 50's/swinging 60's
AIBU to think that nursing homes need to up their game with their entertainment themes?

I worked on day hospital for Dementia patients for about a year about 20 years i could recite all the words to most of those songs
A patiicular " favourite " of mine
Was " My old man said follow the van"😂

'Don't dilly dally' would have been one for the centenarians even 20 years ago.

It’s a well known song.

It is, and I'm considering whether I could get a gig on the retirement homes circuit as a Marie Lloyd tribute act. But it was nostalgia fodder in the 1970s.

What gets me about this is that the younger generation (I.e those running the homes) seem to have this romanticised view of WW2 and expect all old people to want to reminisce about it constantly. According to my grandma it was a fucking awful time, not just the bombs dropping but families being ripped apart, kids having awful times with their evacuation hosts … some kids having an even worse time when they went back home to a forever changed family. Why the hell would they want reminding of it constantly

Mick Jagger and Keith Richards are in their early 80s! I doubt they would want to listen to Roll out the Barrel and We'll Meet Again.

Exactly. There were far fewer immediate effects to the whole population here in the US than there were in the UK, but many of us Baby Boomers learned something of how horrible so many aspects of it were. My father was in the Army in the Pacific theater, and I remember my grandmother telling me that she would go for long periods without hearing from him and agonizing over whether he was dead or alive. Thankfully he came back, but everyone knew families who were not so lucky. My father never talked about his wartime experiences, ever, and neither did my stepfather who served in the European theater. There was certainly no talk of nostalgia.

Tbf most people probably cant remember it my Dad is 84 he was born in ireland so they were not in the war anyway but he was three when it ended my mum died last year but she would have also been three when it ended and only had vague mrmories of it .

I agree with you and I would be so sad if I was stuck somewhere listening to annoying things from an era that didn't concern me.

That said, my MIL was born in 1948 and acts as though she personally ran from bombs, rationed and worked on the front lines. Pink Floyd has a lot to answer for, IMO!

So, I don't know if it's really anything to do with thinking residents like hearing this music as a result of them being around at the time, as much as it's just ingrained in the culture e.g. the UK never left WW2 and we must remember it and relive it in perpetuity.

@FannyNesbet to be fair she would still have had rationing

This really annoys me. If I ever end up in a Care Home (technically I could within the next 15-20 years), I want them blasting out Bon Jovi or U2, not stuff my Granny (born 1900) was listening to.

My mum was an adult during the war and she loathed Vera Lynn.
My dsis is part of a Seniors group in Australia, woebetide anyone trying to make any suggestions about age appropriate entertainment there. Most are in their 70s and 80s, so its all 60s and 70s for them.

That would be a brilliant idea for a comedy sketch.

100% current older people should be grooving to Hendrix and I want Green Day and Offspring when it’s my turn

Well, her parents would have. She wasn't shopping or making the list or working or budgeting. She was in existence, I guess, but no active role.

Of course it’s not at the same scale but it would be like constantly hosting events related to covid for my generation. Who the hell wants to be constantly reminded of that in their old age?!

@FannyNesbet her sweets would have been rationed

Yeah, so were mine in the 80s.

Do residents have to partake of this entertainment? I'd want to stay in my room with my television or an audiobook rather than be forced to sit through patronising entertainment, surrounded by people I barely know and unable to escape.

It's a frightening thought for me. The lack of freedom and choice for many elderly, they have to go where they are put, like children - but we take notice of what children like and dislike.

I have an older relative - 91 this month - who has been in a care home in Kent for about eighteen months and I am wondering if she is subject to this sort of thing.

I have a very good friend who is an activities co-ordinator for a large care home. I once brought this topic up to him when GMIL was in the home and they had entertainment that was all WW2 and pre WW2 when most of the residents had actually been born after the war.

He explained in some cases it's lazy activity co-ordinating. They have the contact details of the people who do the entertainment and just re-order in. The paperwork is already largely done so just change dates. Entertainment sorted. In other cases it's budget related. He explained there are a lot of 1940s re-enactors and singers about with quite a bit of availability and as a result are often a bit cheaper to hire (they are a bit more niche - 1940s weekends/ themed events, as opposed to gig in local pub entertainment). They are also in with the care homes, the activity co-ordinator knows them, knows round about their price, they are often in with 3 or 4 care home groups.

Whereas tribute bands for the Beatles/ the kinks/ Rolling stones ect are still getting pub/ festival/ hotel bookings and still have widespread appeal, they have less availability and often more expensive to get in. He's recently trying to add a bit of northern soul into the mix and is finding it difficult as it has widespread appeal still with pubs/ northern soul events been very popular.

It's a bit like the outings. It's often garden centres/ local seaside ect. My friend recently did a designer outlet trip and it went down a storm. There are some very glamorous ladies of a certain age in his care home who were thrilled to be going round the designer outlet rather than browsing the Edinburgh wool mill/ cotton traders/ pavers of the local garden centre.

Granarchy

I think some homes have got more up to date - it is mad that they still seem to be stuck in WWII when there's not that many people left alive who were older than their teens when it was finished.

I met an academic a few weeks back who works in dementia research. She’s trying to break the stereotype of dementia patients as all elderly, completely senile and usually white. She’s a music lecturer so was telling me precisely this- that many care homes just play really old wartime style music or Frank Sinatra and co as if all elderly people are the same. One of the dementia patients she met loved heavy metal! So yeah, you’re absolutely right to question this.

But paid, visiting, live acts are a tiny part of what goes on in a care home. Many smaller ones don't have them at all, or perhaps 1 a year. It takes no more expense and effort to decorate a room as a 50s diner and stick on an Elvis CD than it does to cover it in poppies and break out the Vera Lynn. Singalongs with staff are probably easier with more modern music.

Very good point

I hope that in the 2060s, care home residents aren't encouraged to wear masks and reminisce about Covid