New neighbour has asked us to stop construction on new home until daughter has finished exams.

[Grammarninja]

This is such a tricky one for me. We bought a house that needed a complete overhaul a year ago. We've finally gotten through architects, planning permission and trying to find affordable builders etc. It has been stressful.
We broke ground this week and the neighbours have asked us to stop until dd has finished her exams in 3 weeks.
I really feel for the family and can't imagine how upsetting it must be for them at this crucial time (we had no idea they had a child sitting exams this summer). My husband has offered them an office at his work around the corner to facilitate study. I wouldn't mind postponing if it wouldn't cost us 30k to do so as builders are working to a set time frame. I wouldn't even mind the extra costs we'd incur through having to stay in our current accommodation for another month if it weren't for the builders' costs which we simply can't afford.
I'm worried now that we're going to start off on a terrible note with our new neighbours which would be such a shame considering my current neighbours are like family.
Are we being unreasonable to continue with the build in these circumstances?

Sorry neighbour, it’s really unfortunate. If we could have it done and dusted tomorrow we would. I’m happy to gift her noise cancelling headphones or provide quiet office space however we simply do not have a spare 30K to postpone the project. Take it or leave it

Did she say they’re attached? I didn’t think so.

This - I really feel for her. My neurodiverse child would really struggle with this, or going to a random office. And they can’t revise in school.

I would speak to your builders and ensure they stick to allowed hours. And see if there’s any capacity to concentrate noisiest work on one or two days.

I dont think you need to do this

Yanbu, life happens, you cant help it!

Its awful, and youve been kind enough by offering your husbands office

Leave it and be very polite and rigid about not working outside of particular hours x

Tell them how much it will cost you. And let them pay. If they won't pay that much for their daughter they can't expect a stranger to...

Don’t be ridiculous. Your neighbour getting a new heating system didn’t kill your dog. People have to have work done, life happens, noise exists.

I used to live on a main road where the whole house shook every 10 mins when a bus/lorry drove past. The dog was and is fine!

That’s simply not true. They only go into school for exams after half term and the rest of the time they revise at home. If it’s A Levels they will only have 2 exams per week. Noise cancelling headphones won’t cancel the vibrations though.

Bullshit.

Architects, planning permission, building regs and then finding and pinning down decent builders to do a job takes an age! OP has done well to get her build underway within a year.

OP, I say this as a Mum who has a daughter currently sitting her A-Levels, and I'm not being dramatic when I say the stress of these exams has rendered my daughter so unwell that she has been hospitalised with stress and anxiety and she's currently medicated with Sertraline.

She has had to do the latter part of her learning from home because she couldn't cope with going into school and she was at one point suicidal.

I've never been so worried in my life. The fact that she is going in for every exam right now and fighting her own battle, I'm beyond humbled by her.

Even I, in my situation would never be so entitled to ask you to delay your building work. Stick to your schedule, your neighbours will have to suck it up and accept that life happens and it doesn't stop for anyone.

Yes it’s difficult and there are no easy wins for anyone and you obviously feel upset about it which shows you have empathy which is more than can be said for my neighbours. I wasn’t having a go, honestly, but unfortunately it does cause bad feeling. Hopefully these will improve once exams are finished but sadly these feelings do tend to linger.

Jeez, these parents need to get a grip. Life doesn't stop becuase their child's doing their a levels.

This!!

They don't have to be attached to need PWA, if building foundations within 6m of neighbours property then need PWA, in case the new foundations impact neighbours foundations

We have a son currently doing his GCSE’s and we’ve done several builds, you are doing nothing wrong! If our son couldn’t see beyond building work in another house or be able to cope, he has other options to study. Most schools do a lot of revision sessions and provide places for study as many children don’t have a safe suitable place. I also know how long the building process takes and you have to build when the builder is available. Those that think your unreasonable how do they think young people will cope in the future? They have to be adaptable in jobs and in further education, I have two teenagers and really do despair for the future generations life doesn’t revolve around individuals. 🫣 I’ll steel myself for the flaming😂

Just explain. There will be study facilities at school/college/library, they are just going to have to adapt. It will build resilience ... just explain the cost implications and say sorry.

If you wanted to you could make up a study hamper if you was genuinely thinking of noise cancelling headphones make it a hamper not just a here’s some headphones fuck off.

Highlighters, post it notes, some sweets, pens. A £30 just eat voucher or something.

Again if you are wanting to. To show you are sorry for the disturbance but cannot reschedule.

Depends how much you’re wanting to try what’s possible for good relations.

OMG

this is unreal, these responses!!!

house the entire family?? Neighbours hate you forever???

absolute nonsense.

OP you have offered a quiet space. Do no more, and that is way above and beyond.

what has this world become. housing people for three weeks because of noise???

You are entitled to your usual building work.

This is like these complaints about the cows are mooing, the church bells ring, the council emptied the bins.

You are not asking permission to host three weeks of rave music.

ignore, smile and wave.

what will they ask for next, not to use the garden because they want to sit out, don’t have people round because they want an early night? Absolute cheek of them, their child can use the library or get some headphones. Tell them to do one.

@Grammarninjayou sound like a nice family. I’m not sure there’s a perfect solution to this predicament tbh.

My DD is currently doing exams so I get it completely but also totally see your side too. If this was happening next door to me I’d make other arrangements away from the house. I wouldn’t honestly expect you to stop the work at a huge cost to you. But it doesnt seem unreasonable of them to ask. You know, just in case you could.

I’d go round for a chat and explain you’ve looked into it and you feel bad but you can’t stop the work. Actually if it’s GCSE’s they finish at the end of next week so not much longer and then it will be all about the prom (and taking nice photos in the garden…)

This is a totally over the top and ridiculous response. Wanting to kill someone? It's appalling.

Gently, you need to get a grip.

Tell them how much it will cost you. And offer to let them pay it. If they won't pay £30k for their daughter they can't expect a stranger to swallow it either

Are you actually for real? This is massively entitled of you - and the OP's neighbours are similarly entitled - not to mention that I don't think you understand how the costs stack up here. OP didn't say she was spending 30K to live elsewhere while work went on in her house, she said that if they delayed for 3 or so weeks it might cost them 30K, which as I understood it includes their own rent for wherever they're living, but also the builder's costs for deferring the work.

Also, I'm not sure it makes one whit of difference if your DD is studying hard to get her 3 A*s for a Cambridge place, or if she's going to struggle in order to get 3 Cs for some less prestigious institution. Or do you think that the less able should put up with noise but someone aimed at Oxford or Cambridge should naturally be accorded more consideration? What a crappy attitude, if so.

I think, personally, that the offer made of a nice-sounding office for the young woman to work in, and clearly a lot of apologetic communication from the OP, is a hell of a lot more than many people would make. My own son's going through his A Levels at the moment and if our neighbours had booked in noisy, protracted building work, I think yes, I would quietly hate them, but building work starts at 8 and finishes by 4 (ha, if you're lucky - our recent builders buggered off by about 3!) and most A level students can work at their school/college every day, and if not there, then at a local library, coming home after the work has finished. Nobody is going to have their sleep interrupted by angle grinders FFS.

Oh these guys (given what they’ve already asked you to do, with the bike shelter and so on) have already found a way to manipulate you. You are already feeling horrible over something that happens on every street in every town on the planet relatively frequently. Building work. Next time they’ll ask you not to flush toilet, not to talk, then what, not to breathe? I had a neighbour that was beginning to be like this, things had to be nipped in the bud. It’s best not to have a relationship with such people. Like almost everyone here is saying - tell them, noisy work will be done during the hours allowed by the council. It’s important to be confident with these people. Short and to the point. Laws regulate situations like this to make sure there is compromise. Work is allowed, but noisy work within certain hours only. To balance the needs of those who need quiet time and the needs of those who need to get the house done. But some people (like your neighbours) will not really respect the others’ rights and will try to take take take as much as posdible.

I think carrying on with the project is fine. As long as your tradespeople are not still working after 6pm.

OP they sound completely unreasonable already.

I think you should speak to someone about your anxiety with this, it seems very extreme.

THEY are unreasonable and your prostrating yourself over their demands will exacerbate them.

THEY are unreasonable.
Work is noisy, but it is a part of life.
Keep it between 8-6pm, and keep it as reasonable as possible at the weekends and you will be doing more than most.

As for the lane?
Screw that.

They will make your life a misery if you don't enforce boundaries.
They are neighbours, and fences and high walls make good ones.

They are not family and stop trying to enforce an intimacy.

It will bite you on the arse worse that it already has.

Unless their daughter studies 9am-5pm five days per week… but she won’t. You offered her a quiet space to study from. Alternatively, they could book a desk in a co-working space by the hour (and you could offer to pay for that). That’s all you can do. They’ll be your (new) neighbours for some time to come and personally, I would be mortified if I had demanded my (new) neighbours to fork out 30K so that my DD could have quiet time to study. That’ll be always a sore point - and you’ll end up hating yourselves for forking out that 30k. I expect their “asks” won’t end there.