AIBU to think dismissal during probation was unfair given autism adjustments?

[SereneRoseRobin]

I’m looking for honest views because I’m not sure whether I’m being unreasonable or whether this was genuinely unfair.

I was recently dismissed from a graduate/analyst role after my probation was extended. I am autistic, and my employer knew this. I had raised the need for clear written instructions, defined objectives, examples of similar work, timelines, and timely/direct feedback. Some support was put in place, including coaching, but I don’t feel the actual adjustments were properly embedded or reviewed before the decision was made.

The difficult part is that the concerns raised about me seemed mainly to focus on communication style, professional behaviour, asking for clarification, Teams messages, and quality assurance under pressure — rather than on whether I could actually do the analytical work. Some recent written feedback said my analytical skills were good, that my work did not contain relevant errors, that I was taking ownership, and that I sought support appropriately. Another person said I had picked up on a complex project well.

The project I was criticised on was not straightforward. I was a first-year graduate with no prior experience in that sector, and I was assigned open-ended/data-heavy modelling work with a lot of ambiguity and short deadlines. Some outputs were expected within hours or by the next day, so there was not much time for structured review. I also didn’t always get timely feedback while I could still act on it. Some feedback came months after the work had ended.
My probation extension was meant to allow support and coaching to take effect, but I was dismissed before the extension period had fully ended. I had submitted evidence of improvement the day before the decision, but I don’t feel it was properly discussed or considered.
The coaching report apparently said the benefit of coaching should be assessed after a longer period, because performance can dip while new strategies embed.

I’m appealing because I think they didn’t properly separate disability-related communication issues from actual capability, didn’t give recent improvement enough weight, and didn’t consider alternatives such as letting the extension run, providing clearer QA/communication frameworks, assigning more standard analyst work, or redeploying me to a more suitable team.

I’m not saying I was perfect. I know there were areas to improve. But I feel like I was assessed against unclear expectations, on complex work, without the timely feedback and structure that had already been identified as necessary for me.

AIBU to think this was unfair and potentially linked to disability discrimination/failure to make reasonable adjustments? Or is this just how probation works, and I should accept it and move on?

not half as insulting as suggesting all neuro divergent people are the same and you know the OPs neuro divergencey better than her.

Honestly tik tok has a lot to answer for. People have a wide variety of presentations. Honestly as someone who has both ADHD and Autism I despair at the whole “I know 3 neuro divergent people and they are nothing like you so you must be faking it “ thing. ADHD, autism etc have some commonalities between individuals but there are more differences than similarities depending on personal history, biology and environmental factors. It would blow your mind how my ADHD and Autism interact..

You clearly have no idea about ND so really just be open to learning or decide this thread isn’t one you can add much useful to

That’s right, the people giving the benefit of decades of experience in managing in professional environments are awful and we should all just say “there there” to the OP as she gives lazy and aggressive replies.

Some of us have had plenty of experience of employees like the OP, who can’t take on board advice, and yet are still here trying to help.

This is not a professional environment and the OP is receiving quite a battering from a lot of posters, she's being understandably defensive and that's to be expected - it's a very normal way to react - maybe not the most productive way - but she has just had a major negative event happen in her life - she's been judged to be not fit to do her job, cut her some slack people!

If you want to help, see past the noise - if you want to sling more mud maybe you need some self - reflection and consider why you want to kick someone when they are down - it's horrible behaviour.

She’s not “just” stating facts.

I can see though that the OP and posters like you have no interest in her receiving actual advice and instead want to be told that both of her employers are in the wrong.

What then, though? Does she self-righteously lose another couple of jobs and accept ending up in a low-paying job that she hates?

Disagree, sorry. The issue here is that op asked for advice, posters gave her advice (eg i asked her to clarify other issues from her op that she brushed over that then gave more light to a conduct issue which is also reviewed during probation), we gave her advice on why this was bad (eg not apologising for recording without consent) and op is rejecting all advice and getting angry because we are not finding a job for her. The issue here is op’s attitude. She is also giving conflicting information.

What’s your advice to her then?

Mine is that she needs to understand that unless she changes how she acts and thinks she is not going to be able to hold down a professional job.

She is utterly unreceptive to this advice, so what do you suggest instead?

Agreed. Unless OP takes advice on board and makes changes this’ll happen time and time again even in more understanding environments like civil service. I get that she feels upset by her job loss and maybe got at by a few people here but a defensive and rude reaction isn’t helping her.

Do you consider yourself one of these people with decades of experience who is trying to help the OP despite her apparently lazy and aggressive replies.

Ask yourself - why are you still here battling with the OP - have you learned nothing in all those decades about human nature - you give advice and people are free to take it or reject it, you have no control over that - you've done your bit, it's in black and white - the OP has chosen not to take it on board, you might feel personally insulted that given how time pressured and important you are - she has chosen to ignore your wise words - that's pretty much on you - you chose how you spend your time - if you wasted it on MN that's on you - not her.

Also. If somewhere extends your probation you’re on a hiding to nothing - unless you can make a drastic change, you’re going to be out on your ear so start looking for another job.

I have already offered advice (on both threads - you can go search for it if you like under my username, if you are interested. I'm not going to type it out again.

I don’t want to kick someone when they are down, I am trying to help the op but help only works if people are willing to listen to it. The op started many posts about how to find a job so she is wanting help and that is what I am trying to do.

I understood that she probably feels horrible about what has happened but feeling horrible and carrying a sense of grievance isn’t going to help her. She needs to reframe her mindset (I get that is very hard). I recommend she gets a job coach who can help her here.

But you are not helping. You feel she's not willing to listen. What are you going to do about that? Your choice - continue to attack her or go make yourself a cup of tea and get on with doing something more productive. Oh wise one - you surely know a better way for you to behave?

The OP is not listening to you and she was the one asking for advice - what next? You think you can wear her down and change her mind because you really care about her? Do you find this the usual way people behave in real life when they disagree with the advice you offer, do you just keep banging on until they admit defeat, having the last word - expecting to win? That must be exhausting.

Side note but for all the places where people say MN is an awful site - the amount of empathy, kindness, professional well considered advice and support the OP has received in here is astounding. Where else could one get free employment coaching like this? Great stuff I’m really impressed.

I'd say a few posters are over-invested and need to move on to the next pile on! But I guess we all read things differently and maybe it's time I followed my own advice - there's only so much of this "kindness and empathy" I can take.

Fair call. I guess my focus was on the advice I thought I could take away myself for my own life and work in HR. I find many MN posters have very good insight and advice.

Unfortunately much of it is extremely aggressive. The OP really needs to obtain some help from ND aware career coaches,

Either way, the OP is coming across as rude, dismissive and aggressive which will not endear her to employers.

You OK hun?

How about you offer the OP some advice if you don’t think what others are giving is doing the trick?

Where do I say all autistic people are the same or that she’s faking it? What is clear is that the OP is coming across as rude and dismissive. Autistic or not, this is not acceptable behaviour in the workplace.

Everyone's an individual until you want to use "Buutttt she's autistic" to defend the OP. It works both ways.

You apologise for everything even when you don't need to. You That's what OP should aim for?
Your strategy that you've developed isn't necessarily healthy either.

I think some posters here actually DO believe they're being helpful even when their 'advice' is basically
" urgh you are such an irritating cringey unprofessional person who clearly used AI to get your whole degree and you even asking for reasonable adjustments is so entitled! You should change your attitude and self reflect because you are going to get fired from every job you go for if you don't change.
Why are you not taking this advice. You just aren't professional. Stop being so defensive. I'm just trying to help "

The op breached UKGDPR! She recorded people,e without their consent. Of course she should apologise for that.