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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be honest in my reference letter?

248 replies

IamAporcupine · 02/06/2026 18:41

I have been asked to provide a reference letter for an employee who recently left my team. She has already been offered a new job in a completely different field. This is fortunate as her performance in her previous role was very poor; we lost time and money thanks to her lack of skills.

The form has a "would you re-employ this person?" I want to be honest and just say "No". I can explain that I believe this field of work was not for her, and that she will very likely perform well in her new job.

AIBU?

OP posts:
marcopront · 02/06/2026 18:42

Yes you should be honest in the answer to that question.

Burntout01 · 02/06/2026 18:42

I would just leave it blank.

Cantgetausername87 · 02/06/2026 18:43

I think it would be really spiteful to put anything but yes to this question. I don't even know why you'd consider messing up someone's future career? Just let it go

Patientlywaitingforbye · 02/06/2026 18:44

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CoverLikelyZebra · 02/06/2026 18:45

Don't write "No" - Write "Yes in a suitable role - the specific role in my team wasn't suitable but many other roles would be"

JuneJoys · 02/06/2026 18:45

IamAporcupine · 02/06/2026 18:41

I have been asked to provide a reference letter for an employee who recently left my team. She has already been offered a new job in a completely different field. This is fortunate as her performance in her previous role was very poor; we lost time and money thanks to her lack of skills.

The form has a "would you re-employ this person?" I want to be honest and just say "No". I can explain that I believe this field of work was not for her, and that she will very likely perform well in her new job.

AIBU?

I'd leave the yes/no space blank then give a fuller explanation.

Tel12 · 02/06/2026 18:45

Do you have evidence? Was she disciplined? If not you could find yourself in hot water.

Backedoffhackedoff · 02/06/2026 18:46

Cantgetausername87 · 02/06/2026 18:43

I think it would be really spiteful to put anything but yes to this question. I don't even know why you'd consider messing up someone's future career? Just let it go

This. I would leave it blank.

“l can explain that I believe this field of work was not for her, and that she will very likely perform well in her new job.”

this is likely a bit pointless

Happymchappyface · 02/06/2026 18:47

Just leave it blank. In nearly every company I’ve worked for the policy was just to confirm job title and employment dates.

AgnesMcDoo · 02/06/2026 18:48

I’d recommend just doing a name rank and serial number type reference.

I confirm this person was employed as X between this start date and this finish date.

It conveys a lot without landing you or your employer in bother.

tilypu · 02/06/2026 18:49

If you had a role that you thought was suitable, would you employ her for it?

EmeraldSlippers · 02/06/2026 18:49

So you do think she is capable of being a good employee, just not in the field that she worked for you in? In that case I would say no with a qualifier. If she performed badly because of reasons that will translate to other fields (lack of application, bad attitude, unprofessional behaviour etc) then I would say no and leave it at that.
@Cantgetausername87 you should eb honest because on the other side of 'ruining someone's career' is an employer who wants and needs to find a good employee. If she's a dead weight then it's not spiteful to say so.

tinyladybird · 02/06/2026 18:50

Happymchappyface · 02/06/2026 18:47

Just leave it blank. In nearly every company I’ve worked for the policy was just to confirm job title and employment dates.

This.

Meeeeeeow · 02/06/2026 18:51

I’d leave it blank. Let her have the opportunity

parietal · 02/06/2026 18:53

I’d write “if I had a role that required … fill in her skills … then I would employ her”

TY78910 · 02/06/2026 18:55

Just say yes. She’s not your problem anymore. She will have a probation period for them to decide for themselves.

DDivaStar · 02/06/2026 18:56

YABU

Who will it benefit to say no ?

She has obviously impressed them at interview, why add doubt now. You could risk her job offer, do you really want to do that?

Cantgetausername87 · 02/06/2026 18:56

EmeraldSlippers · 02/06/2026 18:49

So you do think she is capable of being a good employee, just not in the field that she worked for you in? In that case I would say no with a qualifier. If she performed badly because of reasons that will translate to other fields (lack of application, bad attitude, unprofessional behaviour etc) then I would say no and leave it at that.
@Cantgetausername87 you should eb honest because on the other side of 'ruining someone's career' is an employer who wants and needs to find a good employee. If she's a dead weight then it's not spiteful to say so.

I disagree. It is spiteful to potentially stop someone getting a new job. It's unprofessional - perhaps their manager was shit and it wasn't a capability issue. And why the loyalty to the other company?! Let it go. Let them go into their new job why on earth would you block it?
Poor references reflect on the company and individual who sent it too - which is why I said its unprofessional.

0psiedasiy · 02/06/2026 18:57

Stick with the dates employed.
And say it’s policy not to give anything else. People have been sued over adding other stuff even if it’s true.

Patientlywaitingforbye · 02/06/2026 18:58

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tttigress · 02/06/2026 18:58

For the good of other employers I would be honest.

I have had to deal with employees that were complete nightmares from day one, and failed their probation. Yet they came with ok references.

It is really hard to see how these people would have got good references in previous roles if their employers were giving an accurate representation of them.

Rubyofftherails · 02/06/2026 18:58

Do you really care enough to say no and mess up someone's future? The job market is rough out there, so many people are struggling. If she had a good attitude, was punctual and a nice person, but made mistakes/struggled to hit targets, I would be inclined to say yes. Obviously if it were a case of gross misconduct, anything dishonest or a bad attitude etc, it would be a different story and I would consider saying no.

Patientlywaitingforbye · 02/06/2026 18:59

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MrsTerryPratchett · 02/06/2026 18:59

Cantgetausername87 · 02/06/2026 18:43

I think it would be really spiteful to put anything but yes to this question. I don't even know why you'd consider messing up someone's future career? Just let it go

Professional reputation. That's one reason. I don't lie on forms unless there is a very good reason.

Leave it blank.

WoollyandSarah · 02/06/2026 18:59

Does your employer not have a policy for references?

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