Worried about autism- 12 months old

[Kjoiner9185]

Hi all. Ive never made a post like this but im just desperate for peace of mind. Im a first time mom to an almost 12 month old baby. She turns 12 months old in less than 2 weeks. I have been concerned about autism with her since she was like 7 months old. Always analyzing her and just terrified something is wrong. Here are some things she does/doesnt do:

• great eye contact
• answers to her name unless she’s busy or occupied
• claps and waves but not always on command or in imitation. She used to clap when we clapped but doesnt really do that anymore. Sometimes rarely if i ask her if she can clap she will but this isn’t consistent.
• i think she might be in the early stages of learning to point? She will randomly throw her arm out at things like toys on her shelves in her room and if i hold up two different snacks she will throw her arm up at one of them. The only time its paired with eye contact is if she wants the snack im holding and i havent given it to her yet.
• she turns to loud noises or really any noise in or out of the room we’re in, very curious with things.
• started babbling (dada, nana) around 9.75 months and did that for 2ish weeks but then stopped and it hasnt picked back up again. In the time frame of her stopping she has started pulling to stand, cruising and can sometimes stand on her own for a few seconds.
• crawling at 9.5 months
• eats and feeds herself very well- no food aversions or sensitivities. Pincer grasp well established
• sleeps well, 12 hours a night. Always been a great sleeper. Does co sleep now and most of the night wants to be cuddling with me.
• reaches to be picked up
• doesnt seem to understand when we say things like “come here” or “where’s dada?”, this is one of my bigger concerns.
• doesnt really care about peek a boo, will smile a couple times and then get bored and crawl away. Definitely doesnt initiate it with us
• has separation anxiety if i leave the room. Will try to crawl after me as soon as i go to leave and if she cant follow me she will get upset
• does have stranger anxiety, gets very cautious around new people. Most of the time she will warm up after a little while when she feels more comfortable.
• used to get excited when seeing our friends baby who is a couple weeks younger than her but now doesnt care just crawls around and plays
• will sometimes shake her head no if we do. For the past couple days if i asked her to say no she would shake her head but yesterday and today she wont do it on command.
• mainly just chews on all her toys still or crawls around and throws them. Some toys she will play with correctly like pushing the button on a light up toy and will pull the string of her play phone to her. She doesnt play with anything for long- just bounces around from toy to toy.
• most of the time at least pauses or sometimes cries if we tell her no. Definitely think she understands this one.

sorry for the extremely long post. Im the only one in my family who is concerned about her being autistic, they all think she’s fine and i just need to calm down. Ive had 2 different speech pathologist's look at her over the months and both said they dont see any autistic concerns but i cant convince myself something isnt wrong. She has been evaluated by early intervention and they said she was 4 months delayed in communication so she has been approved for services and sees a developmental specialist 2x a month and hopefully soon we’ll be adding speech in 2x a month as well. The developmental specialist works with autism everyday and she doesnt think its that either and just a communication delay but again no matter what anyone tells me i just feel like her getting a diagnosis is inevitable. She will start doing things and then stop and that scares me extremely bad. We struggled with infertility for years before getting her and im just so tired of worrying all the time. I am also in therapy trying to treat my anxiety. If anyone has any insight or positive stories please let me know!

I think you have posted about this before, this sounds extremely familiar…. You were told she was 4 months delayed in her speech? At 12 months old?

It doesn't matter if she is autistic. Please just enjoy your longed for baby and let her develop. What will be will be. For the sake of your sanity just try to relax.

She sounds like a completely normal baby to me. That’s not to say she won’t be autistic but nothing you have said at all sets her apart from the average baby. You can’t live in the uk if you are being offered a developmental specialist every 2 weeks for an 11 month old baby. Thats really intense and based on not very much.

The key thing you mention here is that you are in therapy for anxiety- are you taking medication? It may need tweaked if so and if not you should definitely consider it.

Echo what PP said.. How can she be 4 months behind in communication at only 12 months?!
There is such a huge variation in all skills at that age, there is no "behind"!

Hi Op,
Im so sorry you’re having such an anxious post partum period. I am a senior nurse, and have worked EXTENSIVELY with special needs, autism, and developmental disability in children for many years prior. I’m also a mum of two and have a step child. Honestly? The things you describe are perfectly developmentally normal for a nearly 12 month old. I see no red flags at all in your description. The stop starting is so normal and even my 3 year old has skills now that suddenly seem to have advanced and then she seems unable to do them. She is perfectly neurotypical. Separation anxious is actually a developmental milestone not something to worry about. Mine were never interested in peekaboo. My son didn’t speak more than 10 words at just over 2.5 and now is the top reading class in reception. Please if you can, see the gp.. for YOU. You sound like you have health anxiety related to your child. Could be a late manifestation of postpartum depression or anxiety.

Try to enjoy this lovely period and try not to over analyse. It won’t change the outcome anyway, if your child is autistic (which isn’t in any way obvious at this point) then your worrying won’t stop it. There’s not like there’s a cure if you identify it early. So just try to relax lovely xxx

Was told she was 4 months delayed when she was 10 months old

Kindly, you need some help for your anxiety here. What you describe sounds very normal. Babies will learn a new skill, master it and then seem to forget it. Usually it comes back when they figure out what that new skill was for.

Are either you or her dad ND? If not then the chances of her being so are much less.

For many autistic kids the traits don’t start to show until around 2-3.

Has she had her review with the health visitors yet?

I find it incredibly frustrating to see so many threads where it seems like posters want their child to be autistic. It is so annoying. They don't understand how difficult having an SEN child is. Why would anyone want that?

What country are you in? I'm curious because in the UK we call them speech and language therapists, not speech pathologists

Sounds like you're the one who needs some support OP. She sounds like a perfectly normal baby and I had 2 with autism.

I will.say, if someone pestered me to do stuff on demand, I'd rebel as well. Stop constantly testing her

No we arent. I thought we had no family history but found out one of my cousins has it but not sure if that increases the risk. My mom has told me that my cousin it was very obvious from early on that something wasnt right with him though

Im in the US. Sorry i wasnt sure if i was or wasnt allowed to post on here if i was US based? I apologize in advance if i wasnt

We are primarily in the UK but welcome people from all over.

As a portage teacher I can say your child sounds totally fine.

Please try to enjoy this time, it goes so quickly

How on earth could a speech therapist say a 10 month old baby was 4 months behind in their development? Did I read that right?

She sounds fine, just like a regular baby. Even if she is autistic worrying about it isn’t going to change it. I have an autistic son myself.

I think that's a bit unfair. The OP is clearly anxious and worried, I'd say that she very much does not want her child to be autistic.
Although I get the frustration. I have an autistic child with development delay, seeing some posts where there is a list of developmentally appropriate things feels like a kick in the teeth when the gap between my DS and his peers is getting more and more obvious. There is one repeat poster on here who's child is a bit older who seems to be pushing for diagnosis for her bright child. The amazing things she writes about her child sometimes sounds more like a brag than a concern.

You again? Please stop acting like autism is Ebola or terminal cancer. She may be autistic, she may not, but there’s no cure or magic solution and all you’re doing by obsessing on and on about it is missing out on enjoying your daughter. Get help. Not for her, for autism - get help for you. This isn’t normal and it’s not healthy for you or your daughter.

Yes it is her I am mainly thinking of. Her child who is behind yet can speak way more than my autistic child can.

I think you need help op.

When the health care system is private, there's a vested interest in saying a child is delayed and needs intervention. It sounds unbelievable, but given the OP is in the US, I believe her.

@Kjoiner9185 I read all your bullet points and kept thinking when do I get to autism traits.

Your DD sounds perfectly normal for her age. Just see how she goes.

Your list of things seems normal so I am surprised a speech therapist has been involved twice by ten months?

As others have said, everything you've listed sounds pretty normal. I am a Speech and Language Therapist with lots of experience of referring young children for autism assessments. As others have also said, sometimes it's not apparent at such a young age that a child could be autistic.

The language you use about autism is quite negative (e.g. something being 'not right' with your cousin). I am not minimising the challenges that autistic people and their families face, but simply trying to view autism from the perspective of it being a neurological difference and not something that is 'wrong' with someone may help you to feel less anxious whether your child turns out to be autistic or not, and may lead to more positive interactions with others like your cousin. You might like to read these for information:
https://theneurodiversityhub.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2025/09/Neuroaffirming-Language-A-parents-guide-1.pdf

https://www.autism.org.uk/learn/knowledge-hub/professional-practice/embracing-neurodiversity-affirmative-practice

You desperately need help. I really hope you get it soon and look back on this and realise how unreasonable you are being. You need to get over this before your child is old enough to pick up on it which won’t be long, that isn’t fair to her and not the sort of childhood you should be giving her

Sounds like an average run of the mill baby. Even if she does turn out to be autistic, there’s a) nowt you can do about it especially when she’s a literal baby and b) as the mum of 2 out of 3 (so far) of my kids who are autistic, I am both weary and wary of people panicking about their child possibly being autistic, especially when said child shows no negative signs- refusing to clap on command and doesn’t give a shit about other babies? Pppffft. I don’t either. I am probably autistic too tbf.

Its more so the things she isnt doing that concerns me. I feel like she’s delayed in more than just speech for her age but not 100% sure. I think comparison is stealing my joy at this point