Worried about autism- 12 months old

[Kjoiner9185]

Hi all. Ive never made a post like this but im just desperate for peace of mind. Im a first time mom to an almost 12 month old baby. She turns 12 months old in less than 2 weeks. I have been concerned about autism with her since she was like 7 months old. Always analyzing her and just terrified something is wrong. Here are some things she does/doesnt do:

• great eye contact
• answers to her name unless she’s busy or occupied
• claps and waves but not always on command or in imitation. She used to clap when we clapped but doesnt really do that anymore. Sometimes rarely if i ask her if she can clap she will but this isn’t consistent.
• i think she might be in the early stages of learning to point? She will randomly throw her arm out at things like toys on her shelves in her room and if i hold up two different snacks she will throw her arm up at one of them. The only time its paired with eye contact is if she wants the snack im holding and i havent given it to her yet.
• she turns to loud noises or really any noise in or out of the room we’re in, very curious with things.
• started babbling (dada, nana) around 9.75 months and did that for 2ish weeks but then stopped and it hasnt picked back up again. In the time frame of her stopping she has started pulling to stand, cruising and can sometimes stand on her own for a few seconds.
• crawling at 9.5 months
• eats and feeds herself very well- no food aversions or sensitivities. Pincer grasp well established
• sleeps well, 12 hours a night. Always been a great sleeper. Does co sleep now and most of the night wants to be cuddling with me.
• reaches to be picked up
• doesnt seem to understand when we say things like “come here” or “where’s dada?”, this is one of my bigger concerns.
• doesnt really care about peek a boo, will smile a couple times and then get bored and crawl away. Definitely doesnt initiate it with us
• has separation anxiety if i leave the room. Will try to crawl after me as soon as i go to leave and if she cant follow me she will get upset
• does have stranger anxiety, gets very cautious around new people. Most of the time she will warm up after a little while when she feels more comfortable.
• used to get excited when seeing our friends baby who is a couple weeks younger than her but now doesnt care just crawls around and plays
• will sometimes shake her head no if we do. For the past couple days if i asked her to say no she would shake her head but yesterday and today she wont do it on command.
• mainly just chews on all her toys still or crawls around and throws them. Some toys she will play with correctly like pushing the button on a light up toy and will pull the string of her play phone to her. She doesnt play with anything for long- just bounces around from toy to toy.
• most of the time at least pauses or sometimes cries if we tell her no. Definitely think she understands this one.

sorry for the extremely long post. Im the only one in my family who is concerned about her being autistic, they all think she’s fine and i just need to calm down. Ive had 2 different speech pathologist's look at her over the months and both said they dont see any autistic concerns but i cant convince myself something isnt wrong. She has been evaluated by early intervention and they said she was 4 months delayed in communication so she has been approved for services and sees a developmental specialist 2x a month and hopefully soon we’ll be adding speech in 2x a month as well. The developmental specialist works with autism everyday and she doesnt think its that either and just a communication delay but again no matter what anyone tells me i just feel like her getting a diagnosis is inevitable. She will start doing things and then stop and that scares me extremely bad. We struggled with infertility for years before getting her and im just so tired of worrying all the time. I am also in therapy trying to treat my anxiety. If anyone has any insight or positive stories please let me know!

She wouldn’t be speaking at this age, bar a few words. She’s listening and learning though. So keep chatting and playing, and avoid testing her development. Every baby achieves milestone events at different times and they all do get there, so just enjoy her and stop worrying about problems that may never happen.

Munchausen by Proxy comes to mind.

Absolutely. Unless there is something the OP isn’t sharing there is nothing here to suggest a delay. She is being had by private healthcare. Milestones are so flexible at this age. The very idea of a 4 month speech delay is bonkers. Sure, some concerns if the child was making no noise and the cry had never progressed from the quiet newborn stage, but OP’s baby can babble with vowels and consonants. It’s not the most advanced but it’s within normal range for 12 months.

I’m sure this OP has posted about this a few times, only the age of her child seems to have change but the posting style is the same.

Most kids aren’t talking at 12 months mine didn’t walk until he was 14 months and speech came later again. He is actually a very bright kid now at nearly 10 years old. Zero signs of autism.

ETA - I hope nobody misconstrued me there - I know kids can be both bright and autistic

She isnt babbling. In my post i said she started babbling but then stopped a couple weeks later and hasnt picked it back up. She does make some vowel sounds throughout the day but she is a quiet baby

You're catastrophising. Presumably this is your anxiety desperately searching for something "wrong" with your baby, building up imaginary fears that nobody can yet confirm.

However, it's revealing that you are focussing your anxiety on autism, which presents on a spectrum and may be very disabling but which isn't deadly in and of itself. I wonder why you've identified autism specifically as the disaster in your child's future, rather than obsessing over signs of imaginary cancer or degenerative neurological conditions which might have far worse outcomes.

I mean this very kindly. But your fears are not rational. Your baby sounds typical as far as the information you've given us. You need to seek help for yourself.

Babies pick up skills and drop them to focus on others all the time. This is very typical. It doesn't mean she's regressing, their development simply is not linear.

Who told you that? Because frankly that sounds like a load of shit! How awful of them to worry you like that. Your daughter sounds perfect. Please enjoy her as they grow so fast. I do think you need help for your anxiety. Just say to yourself if she does end up being autistic, does it really matter? You're going to love her all the same. Hopefully it takes the power of this thought away

This is absolutely bonkers. My nephew is 4 and only started talking recently. He is not autistic (was assessed twice by a paediatrician). Your DD sounds perfectly normal for a 12 month old baby.

My post did not say she is babbling, it said she “can” babble, which she can if she started and stopped. Starting and stopping skills is normal at this age too.

Meet her where she is at, which is within normal range unless there is something you haven’t shared. You mentioned comparison being the thief of your joy, so you know what you need to do.

I agree. Mine isn't diagnosed yet, on the waitlist but he's non verbal with major sensory issues so it's looking likely. That list OP has shows a completely typical baby.

Maybe it would help if you saw some real autistic children at 12 months. But I don't think that would set you at ease either. You need to see a therapist about your health anxiety because this will just escalate: if not autism then maybe adhd/ebola/cancer/covid. Your anxiety will get to your child who will def wind up anxious herself so please seek help.

Meant to add these as well:
-sometimes offers us food when eating
-sometimes has started “showing” like if she finds a piece of something on the ground she will turn around and have her arm extended with the item towards us
-doesnt always look for our reaction if a loud noise happens or she sees something interesting. She has done it a couple times but definitely not consistent
-checks in by looking at us multiple times while playing. Sometimes looks at us if she is about to do something she shouldnt but not often.
-worried her joint attention isnt strong enough for her age. She does follow a point very well 9/10 times.
-when she’s upset she will rotate/flex her hands and feet. This is the only time she does it is when she’s upset. If she’s happy or excited she has started stiffening her arms and legs and almost like vibrating. Easily can be stopped when touching her so not worried about seizures or anything.

also thank you to those of you that have left kind comments. Im just a ftm who wants the best for my baby

SLT here, I work with children with complex needs. And in my 25 year career I've not once, ever, indicated a 4 month communication delay in a 10 month old baby

Both my sons started walking at 17 months. One autistic and one neurotypical. They both started talking pretty late (2-3) as well. One is very intelligent and academic so I wouldn't pay much attention to reaching milestones unless their paedetrician would have been worried. It's not linear and it's not a competition. My friend's girl started walking and talking around 15 months- she's Sen and struggles in school. Just saying- you can't make predictions when they are this young.

From my understanding they use a scoring sheet and based off of her “score” she was measuring at a 6 month level so 4 months delayed at the time of her being 10 months old

She sounds completely normal… she just isn’t good at language yet. My nephew couldn’t really speak until he was 2 and he’s completely NT.

It sounds like your baby is absolutely fine whereas you’re suffering from anxiety. Even if she does have autism… nothing you do can or could change it so there’s no point worrying about it. You can’t give her back!

I completely agree and that’s essentially what my post was saying. My son hit his milestones when he did, when he was older than the OP’s daughter and yet he isn’t autistic.

Please, try to get some help for yourself.

I’m sorry you’re so anxious OP, it must be exhausting.

Like others have said, it’s worth seeking support for your anxiety rather than worrying about something you would have no control over anyway.

Also, it might be quite hurtful to anyone who is autistic who reads that autism is what you think will be ‘wrong’. It’s not pleasant to read.

As another SLT I agree with this. I also would not be thinking Autism from what you have described.

At 12 months I would ideally like to see a baby babbling and doing some gestures e.g. waving or pointing or clapping. However I wouldn't worry if she wasn't, especially given that she seems to have been focusing on walking. If you came to me for advice, I would tell you not to worry and to keep talking and playing with your baby, including copying her sounds and modelling sounds in play, and the babble is likely to come again soon. I don't expect any young child to perform in demand consistently, certainly not at 12m. They need a purpose to communicate.

Kindly it sounds like you need some support around your anxiety. Nothing you have listed would have me concerned about autism please just enjoy your baby stop analysing every interaction and comparing to others - they don't stay babies long and you will regret the time you spent worrying about this.
For what its worth my child is autistic there were no signs until he was 3/4 he met all milestones, crawled and walked early, babbled as expected, was a good sleeper and ate anything and everything!

OP I have a psychology degree, I am a qualified teacher, have a masters in special education and a PGCert in Autism. Please please believe me and others when we tell you it is simply too early to say anything.

Your little girl sounds fine. A normal baby with individual preferences and tendencies.

Please try to enjoy her. Remember, if she were autistic (for which there is no evidence) she would not necessarily have high support needs and you can’t change it anyway. Best thing to do is keep providing opportunities for high quality language and social input and just be her mummy.

Hi OP
Sorry you’re feeling so worried. Reading your post takes me back to all the worries I had about my son at that age. My son is autistic and was diagnosed at 3 years old. Your DD doesn’t really sound like my son at that age (although girls and boys present differently) - but I get how hard it is when you’re worried. It wasn’t until about 2 that the professionals started to say he could be autistic (but only if I asked them), until then pretty much everyone had tried to reassure me ‘they're all different’ or ‘my friends nephew didn’t speak until he was 4 and he’s fine’ etc, and though its usually meant as a kindness, it’s such an isolating feeling when your so worried. That said, I feel I wasted my son’s toddler years fretting and worrying, instead of enjoying him as he was. He’s now 8 and an absolute legend. Yes life looks different to what I expected, but regardless of any diagnosis your DD may or may not end up with, she’s still your lovely little girl.