Worried about autism- 12 months old

[Kjoiner9185]

Hi all. Ive never made a post like this but im just desperate for peace of mind. Im a first time mom to an almost 12 month old baby. She turns 12 months old in less than 2 weeks. I have been concerned about autism with her since she was like 7 months old. Always analyzing her and just terrified something is wrong. Here are some things she does/doesnt do:

• great eye contact
• answers to her name unless she’s busy or occupied
• claps and waves but not always on command or in imitation. She used to clap when we clapped but doesnt really do that anymore. Sometimes rarely if i ask her if she can clap she will but this isn’t consistent.
• i think she might be in the early stages of learning to point? She will randomly throw her arm out at things like toys on her shelves in her room and if i hold up two different snacks she will throw her arm up at one of them. The only time its paired with eye contact is if she wants the snack im holding and i havent given it to her yet.
• she turns to loud noises or really any noise in or out of the room we’re in, very curious with things.
• started babbling (dada, nana) around 9.75 months and did that for 2ish weeks but then stopped and it hasnt picked back up again. In the time frame of her stopping she has started pulling to stand, cruising and can sometimes stand on her own for a few seconds.
• crawling at 9.5 months
• eats and feeds herself very well- no food aversions or sensitivities. Pincer grasp well established
• sleeps well, 12 hours a night. Always been a great sleeper. Does co sleep now and most of the night wants to be cuddling with me.
• reaches to be picked up
• doesnt seem to understand when we say things like “come here” or “where’s dada?”, this is one of my bigger concerns.
• doesnt really care about peek a boo, will smile a couple times and then get bored and crawl away. Definitely doesnt initiate it with us
• has separation anxiety if i leave the room. Will try to crawl after me as soon as i go to leave and if she cant follow me she will get upset
• does have stranger anxiety, gets very cautious around new people. Most of the time she will warm up after a little while when she feels more comfortable.
• used to get excited when seeing our friends baby who is a couple weeks younger than her but now doesnt care just crawls around and plays
• will sometimes shake her head no if we do. For the past couple days if i asked her to say no she would shake her head but yesterday and today she wont do it on command.
• mainly just chews on all her toys still or crawls around and throws them. Some toys she will play with correctly like pushing the button on a light up toy and will pull the string of her play phone to her. She doesnt play with anything for long- just bounces around from toy to toy.
• most of the time at least pauses or sometimes cries if we tell her no. Definitely think she understands this one.

sorry for the extremely long post. Im the only one in my family who is concerned about her being autistic, they all think she’s fine and i just need to calm down. Ive had 2 different speech pathologist's look at her over the months and both said they dont see any autistic concerns but i cant convince myself something isnt wrong. She has been evaluated by early intervention and they said she was 4 months delayed in communication so she has been approved for services and sees a developmental specialist 2x a month and hopefully soon we’ll be adding speech in 2x a month as well. The developmental specialist works with autism everyday and she doesnt think its that either and just a communication delay but again no matter what anyone tells me i just feel like her getting a diagnosis is inevitable. She will start doing things and then stop and that scares me extremely bad. We struggled with infertility for years before getting her and im just so tired of worrying all the time. I am also in therapy trying to treat my anxiety. If anyone has any insight or positive stories please let me know!

Have you posted here before? I remember another poster who would post very similarly (describing a normal baby and her own overwhelming anxiety that something is wrong) and who would not listen to reassurances but simply keep flooding the thread with more descriptions of completely normal baby behaviour.

If that's you, definitely seek help for your own anxiety. If that's not you... honestly you still sound like you need help for your anxiety. I hope you seek it out! 💐

If it helps, my baby babbled very inconsistently. Would babble loads for a week, then she’d stop to focus on motor skills. She was a late walker, but once she cracked that her vocab exploded. Shes now 19m and has above average words for her age. 12m can be a bit of a strange period for development I found - some babies are more like toddlers, and some are just taking their time. Theres honestly no point in worrying about anything until they’re around 2 years old anyway.

Good lord OP, your post is really upsetting - just relax and enjoy your amazing baby, and let her develop at her own pace!!!

Also, there is nothing you can do right now even if she is. Just get to know her, support her in the best way you can, and see how she goes.

You remind me EXACTLY of me when I had post-natal anxiety. No amount of reassurance here will help with this, it will just feed it.

Sounds absolutely normal. And if she does turn out to be autistic…. that’s also normal. What in particular do you think are the signs that point to autism because I’m not really seeing any. (Mother of autistic child)

The long list seems to be the giveaway.

Step away from Dr Google!

Yoir daughter sounds perfectly fine. She will be picking up on your anxiety, attitude and behaviour, and that in turn will affect her attitude and behaviour

I agree with this.

OP, your anxiety sounds overwhelming and it must be getting in the way of you properly enjoying your baby. Seeking help with that is far more beneficial to both you and your daughter than an autism assessment right now.

Do a lot of people want their child to be autistic? Dont think Ive ever seen a poster saying that.

Wanting has nothing to do with it mind. Not wanting your child to be autistic won't make the slightest difference to whether they are or not.

Yeah I agree on your last bit but this poster genuinely seems to be eager for the diagnosis. It isn't lots but there have been a few posts recently. Probably the same person.

All pretty normal. Babies / young children often seem to need an effort doing something like clapping hands then master that and get bored and move to the next thing. They’re learning so much stuff every single day, not everything sticks. Babies and toddlers often concentrate on two big things movement and speech. Often one progresses and the other slows, and then they’re reversed. It sounds as if she’s enjoying crawling and moving just now so I wouldn’t be surprised if speech doesn’t progress much. Once she starts walking or moving better, then speech might improve. Babies / toddlers often move from one thing to another, some spend ages playing with one thing over and over. Most won’t want to do things on command that you know they know! Like others, I cannot see how anyone can say she’s 4 months behind at 10 months. That’s ridiculous! As you are in the US though, I can see why someone might say that. Are you paying them!?!! It’s in their interests to say that! All children develop at different speeds. Some walk by 7-8 months and some don’t walk at 18 months. Some barely say a word at 12-18 months, others have quite a vocabulary. You cannot compare one child with another. You cannot expect your child to be “average” for everything or even anything. Development might be earlier for done things and later for others. Sounds as if she’s very aware by having eye contact and responding to her name (unless busy and turn who can blame her if she’s busy and doesn’t want to be distracted). As others have said, you need help if you are worrying so much. As others have said, enjoy your beautiful child. What will be will be. There are so many special things about autistic children. If she ultimately is autistic then you need to be positive and focus on the positive.

What?! She sounds completely normal. Im sorry im just struggling to understand what you are worried about. What do you think she should be doing that she isnt? Have you spoken to a HV or GP about your concerns? I think you may have some unhealthy anxiety going on. For what its worth non of my 3 children had words with meaning at 12 months! I dont think anything you've mentioned is an autistic trait.

She doesn't. She is saying that autism isn't 'the best' and sees it as something 'wrong'.

She sounds normal. I think you would benefit from therapy, you are projecting a lot onto your daughter.

No need to be anxious about autism at 12 months. You can’t reliably see symptoms until older.

And to give you some hope- my sister was diagnosed at 3 with the doctors telling mum and dad some pretty dire predictions about the future- not being able to work or live independently. They were so wrong. She has a phd, a full time job. Owns her flat, has friends. And what’s more- she is an all round wonderful person.

You can’t predict the future.

my niece hit all milestones. Developed “normally” until she hit junior school. All others kept going and she fell behind.

If you are constantly looking you will find something.

Are you seeing anyone for yourself for the anxiety? It is really harmful for you to keep being so obsessive with this. It’s not like you can change anything even if she is.

Please stop overanalysing your child. Absolutely nothing yiu have posted indicates autism.

Kindly, please use the various health services to treat your own worries and anxieties. Your posts are quite worrying about your own mental health and you seem to be projecting on your daughter.

I'm bamboozled at what strange health care practitioner told you a 10 month old was 4 months delayed and I certainly would question their qualifications.

My baby is 12 months in 3 weeks and is exactly the same as you described your baby (a perfectly typical baby). This is my 2nd baby, my eldest is 7 and he was the same way at 12 months and he’s not autistic.

She’s showing no signs of autism, you’ve described that yourself in the list (I.e, no obvious sensory or communication issues). So what exactly do you expect her to be doing that she’s not doing?

I think your expectations for a baby of her age is way too high. Responding to questions or instructions such as, “where’s dada?” typically comes later. Even if she does understand it doesn’t mean you should expect her to reliably indicate that at 11 months.

How was she 4 months delayed on speech at 10 months? Respectfully, if you’re looking for problems and paying specialists then they’re probably going to start spouting bull to get more money out of you.

Being Autistic doesn't mean there is something wrong. I work with many Autistic people who are fantastic. Also some Autistic children were way ahead on milestones like speech. I know because I'm related to one. Though we didn't know she was Autistic when she was that little.

It doesn't particularly sound like your little one is delayed and I think it's probably too soon to know if she is Autistic for certain.

Get some help for your very obvious anxiety. It will ruin your experience of these early years and you risk being an absolute nightmare of a parent.

Which parts of your post indicate possible autism though? I can’t see any!

I think you need help with your anxiety and I mean that in a nice way, don’t let worry rule your life, your baby sounds absolutely fine, what will be will be and you worrying about it won’t change the outcome x

She sounds fantastically on target to me. I’ve been a nanny for 17 years but have a history in special ed and am a mum now too.

I have no concerns from anything you’ve written, and a lot of her skills point away from ASD too.

if you’re not having any support for post partum anxiety, please do contact your GP, it sounds like you might benefit from a professional ear.

Although people are speculating that ive posted before, I havent. This is the first time ive had the guts to post. I understand i need help for my anxiety but the mean things some people are saying isnt very helpful either. Not saying you are- just in general!