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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU this is NOT a moustache

151 replies

ChocHotolate · 02/06/2026 16:44

My son (age 13) has been given a Saturday morning detention for having a moustache (not allowed at his school).
I have attached a pic, I don’t think this is a moustache and certainly not enough to shave.
Interested in what everyone thinks before I challenge the school.

AIBU this is NOT a moustache
OP posts:
Gladystheimpaler · 03/06/2026 09:48

Your poor son. As if puberty isn't hard enough, now your school can punish you for it. What message does this also send to teenage girls with perfectly naturally occuring lip hairs? I have a gnarly mustache when I don't get it waxed, if someone reprimanded me I'd telk them to get to fuck!

Mamalasira · 03/06/2026 09:51

GlomOfNit · 03/06/2026 09:42

I don't use this term lightly, but that sounds adjacent to abusive to me. How on earth can any school justify a stance whereby they penalise a boy (or girl!) for pubertal hair growth they have no control over, by shaving it off them at school?? As others have asked, what do they do if a girl has obvious leg hair - do they police that too? What about a girl who happens to be Greek, or Bangladeshi, or has PCOS - do they ask her to shave her barely-there lip hair too? Hmm I'm sorry Neodymium if you think this is standard for state schools - it really isn't and I think you should know that.

I cannot understand how a school can justify this, in this day and age. It's a massively retrograde attitude, it's racist, it's discriminatory against people with SEN, against people with skin issues, and against boys and girls who are 'unfortunate' enough to start puberty earlier than average. I'd be writing to the Governors and possibly involving local press if nothing changed.

Show quote history

I agree.
I say this as a state school teacher of 30+ years. I've never come across this and have taught hundreds of teenagers with moustaches. Literally hundreds. It doesn't matter.
Abusive isn't wide of the mark.

Neodymium · 03/06/2026 09:55

GlomOfNit · 03/06/2026 09:46

I mean, this is sexist too, isn't it? I'm assuming that girls DON'T have to shave any hair, however prominent, that happens to grow on their upper lips (I would hope not!) but maybe boys are permitted leg hair and girls aren't? That would follow on from their crazy logic. It all rests on really outmoded ideas of which sex is allowed to exhibit visible hair on which parts of their bodies.

NONE of it is ok, OP (and Neodymium at her crazy school, too!). Raise hell (in a dignified and calm manner obvs).

Well I just work at the school. And it is a private school. I’ve never thought of it as being an issue and never come across any students who have said anything to me about it. Certainly not something that I had to enforce, the kids just know I guess. The heads of year speak to any kids I suppose.

the school has changed though when I first started boys had to have their hair cut couldn’t be past ears. Now it’s a unisex policy as long as it’s tied back. Also used to say boys can’t have earrings but again now it’s unisex and boys are allowed 1 set same as the girls. But has to be a set can’t have just 1. So maybe in time it will change. Still can’t have coloured hair.

Mamalasira · 03/06/2026 09:59

Neodymium · 03/06/2026 09:55

Well I just work at the school. And it is a private school. I’ve never thought of it as being an issue and never come across any students who have said anything to me about it. Certainly not something that I had to enforce, the kids just know I guess. The heads of year speak to any kids I suppose.

the school has changed though when I first started boys had to have their hair cut couldn’t be past ears. Now it’s a unisex policy as long as it’s tied back. Also used to say boys can’t have earrings but again now it’s unisex and boys are allowed 1 set same as the girls. But has to be a set can’t have just 1. So maybe in time it will change. Still can’t have coloured hair.

Show quote history

I thought it was a private school you were talking about. Not bound by the same sort of regulations etc.
The OP says that her son goes to a state school, which I find extraordinary.

LightningTree · 03/06/2026 18:41

Do you have a cat that could lick it off? Seriously, whoever thought this merited punitive action is bonkers.

VK456 · 03/06/2026 19:14

How ridiculous. I had to put my specs on to have a look and even then I couldn’t see anything. Mind you - does he put mascara on it after he’s left the house…

cheekynamechang3 · 03/06/2026 19:30

how did you get on at the school OP?

nothingcangowrongnow · 03/06/2026 19:47

Why can’t a male have a mustache or beard? I know it’s different but some religions eg Sikhism aren’t meant to cut/shave their hair. Is it really in the policy that boys must be clean shaven?

IloveJonBonJovi · 03/06/2026 19:57

Good grief. That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard about a school ever.

PruneEnigmatique · 03/06/2026 20:02

Does the school only object to facial hair, or are the kids expected to shave their legs too? Is Brazilian allowed, or do they have to go full Hollywood? Absolutely ridiculous. Has the school sorted out all the educational and behavioural issues and has nothing else to do so it has now turned to styling - or rather body-shaming? Go ballistic on them OP, best of luck. Your poor son, give him a big hug (if he still allows it).

IsThistheMiddleofNowhere · 03/06/2026 20:31

I honestly can't see anything

Wiseplumnet · 03/06/2026 20:34

The school are being unreasonable. What is the problem with mustaches anyway?

Gherkinslice · 04/06/2026 15:30

ChocHotolate · 02/06/2026 16:44

My son (age 13) has been given a Saturday morning detention for having a moustache (not allowed at his school).
I have attached a pic, I don’t think this is a moustache and certainly not enough to shave.
Interested in what everyone thinks before I challenge the school.

No i would not say it was a moustache. Does he even shave yet? But what school can give a Saturday detention? Is he at a boarding school?

Echobelly · 04/06/2026 15:50

YANBU - my 14yo DS has similar fluff and no one had picked up on it. There are lads at the school with full beards

BigBrownBoogyingBear · 04/06/2026 16:26

DS16 is like Homer Simpson - he has stubble almost immediately after shaving. School have never been in touch about it!

ThePlover · 04/06/2026 16:30

Poor lad. I was going to say how humiliating for a 13 year old boy who is no doubt hugely self conscious and sensitive about bodily development. However he might choose to be proud of the fact that someone has noticed his fluff.
School are being outrageous and I am the first to complain about parents not supporting school discipline.

Owl55 · 05/06/2026 10:35

I think this is ridiculous , teenagers are so sensitive at this age without extra scrutiny and it’s the most hairless moustache I’ve ever seen . Challenge the school !

ainsleysanob · 05/06/2026 10:39

There is no way on earth my son would be attending that detention! He doesn’t have a moustache for a start but if my son did have a moustache then who the fuck are school be to tell him to shave it?! Are they telling the girls to shave their body hair?

ainsleysanob · 05/06/2026 10:47

Neodymium · 02/06/2026 21:10

facial hair on boys is banned at my school too. However they are sent to the school nurse who has razors and cream and they do it there. I thought that was standard in schools. Someone did mention religious reasons, parents can apply at my school for a religious exemption to allow facial hair. We have had some in the past. But that would be a beard and moustache not just a moustache. I’m not 100% certain on the reasons but I’d have a guess that it is behaviour. We no longer do free dress days due to the significant increase in bad behaviour on those days.

Is there are reason for staff in your school to be so unbelievably pathetic? Are they not very good teachers? Does school make all the female staff wax their vulvas? Surely if facial hair on a male student restricts learning then hairy fannies on a female teacher restricts teaching?

Original poster
ChocHotolate · 05/06/2026 14:52

In case anyone is vaguely interested, the dentition has been cancelled
Phew

OP posts:
Mamalasira · 05/06/2026 14:58

ChocHotolate · 05/06/2026 14:52

In case anyone is vaguely interested, the dentition has been cancelled
Phew

Of course people are interested, more than"vaguely"! You've had quite a lot of response...
I'm just wondering what the school policy is, and why.

Lindy2 · 05/06/2026 15:09

I'm glad the school saw sense and the difference between a bit of fluff and an actual moustache has been recognised!

Floppyearedlab · 05/06/2026 15:13

user1496146479 · 02/06/2026 16:46

I think some days I have a better moustache than that!! 😭😂

this comment made me snort with laughter!

But on a more serious note OP, definitely stick up for your son here (and I don't often say that both as a parent and a teacher). Your son has not got enough facial hair to shave, and doing so might irritate his already very sensitive and reactive skin (you can see he has some acne problems that he doesn't want to make worse with unnecessary products).
This is very unfair.

XMissPlacedX · 05/06/2026 15:50

How can they force him to shave? Surely a human rights breach, what are they trying to do, shame him for having a moustache? Don’t send him in

grumpygrape · 05/06/2026 18:43

ChocHotolate · 05/06/2026 14:52

In case anyone is vaguely interested, the dentition has been cancelled
Phew

I think a lot of us were/are interested for many different reasons. Thanks for the update but did the school give a reason?

Assistant Head saw a thread on Mumsnet? 😂