AIBU to think fitting homework in is so hard?

[purpletick]

I feel like I’m failing ds, and he’s only in reception so I know things will get worse but I can’t see how to fit it in.

Mornings are so busy and frantic. It’s the best time but we often don’t have time. Plus his sister (2) often comes in and disturbs us.

When he gets home from school he isn’t in the mood (understandable) but before bed feels like setting us up to fail as he’s so tired.

It’s just listening to him read, and learning tricky words. That’s it, and I’m struggling!

(Please don’t tell me just to read to him: I do, quite extensively but I’m not sure it makes a lot of difference in terms of his own reading!)

Mornings are not the time to be doing reading etc.
After school yes. And bedtime too.

Please do not assume worse is to come OP. Just keep going.

OP we struggle a bit with it too. We try to do it straight after dinner, before bedtime starts so they're not hungry and not too tired but it's never ideal.

As they have grown it's become easier in that they can stay up later and have more stamina.

But in some ways it's harder as they have more independent social lives, most days they're playing with mates from end of school to dinner time and we can't in good conscience make them come straight home to do their reading practice and miss out when everyone's going round Lucy's house after school. And sometimes they have things going on later so it's too easy to miss a day here and a day there.

I used to find it challenging but the best thing was to get into a routine as others have said.

Everyone has different ideas and obviously children's behaviours are different but what worked for me was:
Home, change out of uniform, homework, tea, play or TV time bath, ( or cubs) bed time story. Then me or dh would pack what is needed for the next day.

Of course there were days when that pattern failed but we were consistent with it as much as possible and the kids got used to it.
Me and dh tried to be organised in advanced, eg any chores were out of the way, rea prepped as much as possible and so on.
It made life easier everyone knowing what was going to happen when.

I've worked with families through children's services and those that are chaotic often have no routine, no idea what the expectations everyone has of each other and every one ends up flustered and disorganised.

So he's home at 340. Drink, snack, play. Etc.

Do you have evening meal together as a family? Do you have a DP?

I'm guessing almost 3 hours before you start bedtime routine. What do you all do in that time?

Can the toddler do some colouring or something at the table while DS reads to you. It's literally 5 minutes. Maybe when toddler is in the bath, can you sit together next to them while DS reads?

I used to use chalk boards so my youngest could draw and oldest do spellings. White boards were not as good as ink/ pens got everywhere

I'll be honest while I usually had help from DH there were a few occasions where I was on my own and the younger one was being so difficult so I resorted to shutting myself in a room with the older one and the book.

We do straight after dinner, that way they’ve wound down after school, not hungry etc and not too tired. Then they have a tiny treat and the rest of the evening is their own.

Yes, we pretty much always divided up at bedtime; I’d take one and DH took the other and whoever had the school age ones would listen to them read a few pages, then we’d read to them. Way harder with one person looking after two, though I know people do it.

The OP was initially talking about homework, not just reading. And then another poster was talking about getting them into a routine as early as possible.

I don’t read with her anymore, no. She’s a teenager sitting GCSEs and a voracious reader. She’s also ND.

She is educated in a language I don’t speak fluently and DH doesn’t speak at all which is quite common here. As a result schools don’t expect parents to do much outside of school. We both read English books with her and I would read Welsh books with her when she was very young. But WM schools are based on immersion and play in KS1 so less focus on getting tiny kids to be doing homework at all.

My eldest is in reception and I have 2 year old twins, so I feel your pain!

I dont get home from work til 6 so we also struggle for time. When she’s not game for reading at bedtime I quite often suggest we read a word each until we’ve finished the book, and she quite likes that!

School reading books are incredibly boring. I obviously didn these with my children but it was excruciating for us all.

What helped developed more of an interest in reading was getting talking stories and accompanying books. I actually got a little CD player and bought Julia Donaldson books with CDs and the child can "read" along and turn the pages. Now they're older they listen to chapter books on audible and follow along. Or listen first, read later.

I'm not saying this should replace what you already do but it takes the pressure off and is relaxing for the child.

I’m a bit confused as to why mornings are the wrong time (when he’s fresh from sleep) but after school when I have two tired children to deal with is the right time? I’m genuinely wondering why that’s the case?

@BlueMum16 so in theory we have about three hours but I start their baths etc at 6, so it’s more like two. And they have to eat (and I have to cook!) so the evening is usually something like

345 - 5 they play and get on with whatever. I get that a lot of people say this time is optimum but I’m not actually sure it would be for us as if I had a graph charting everyone’s mood and energy levels I bet there would be a slump mid afternoon. Ds gets silly and manic rather than showing signs of actual tiredness. So I generally have to manage that. I usually start preparing dinner around 430.

Then after dinner they usually watch a bit of TV and depending on what time everyone’s been up I start DSs shower at about 6, so he showers 6-615. Then DD goes up for her bath at 620. I then get her out maybe 640, read her stories and brush her teeth then she goes to bed at 7. Then ds has books, teeth and bed.

We always used to read in the morning. DS1 in particular was just in no fit state after school (and often after after-school club). After school reading was a battle and miserable. Before school it was straightforward and no fuss. I didn’t want reading to be a battle. He was also a naturally early riser so even with breakfast club and a nursery run we could find time in the mornings. Mornings were naturally a good time for him and still are (he’s 13 now and gets up at 6.15 to do his homework because he’s worked out that he works much better then than after school).

So I’d absolutely do it before school if that works for you. It’s a question of how you build it into your routine, but of course that depends on what your mornings look like/when your DC get up etc.

@purpletick . I think mornings are fine if you're organised and can fit it in. We're not good with mornings here and usually have enough to contend with to get out of the house and to school/nursery on time. So after school works better, as we're already "on the go". The key for us is doing everything (homework, chores etc.) while we're "on the go", as we find it difficult (not just the kids but also me) to switch between "on the go" and "relax" mode, as it were (I have ADHD and suspect my older one does as well). So it's easier just to keep going and eat the frog rather than stop and then have to find the motivation to get started again.

Same

we have ttrs reading spelling maths

we do 5mins on each after a snack and then allowed to play /ipad /trampoline etc after

as I’ve always done this It’s generally not argued with as they are the rules

I don’t get why people say they can’t find the time.

And as get older they do it theirselves

but in r&1 it’s important to help them learn to read /spell etc

Thanks. Mornings people usually wake between 630-7; we don’t need to leave the house until 845, so potentially over two hours which is more than evening.

But it can still be difficult with the toddler around.

When mine were in primary, I got frustrated with the substantial amount of homework set. So I made sure the kids did it, but sent them in with some pieces of cloth, buttons and sewing needles, and a note saying that as the school required me to do school work at home, I was sure they’d be happy for the kids to do things I wanted them to learn in school time. I’d been planning to teach them how to sew on a button, but didn’t have time because they had so much compulsory homework. Please would the teacher make sure they sewed the buttons to the cloth before I picked them up at home time.

The school got the message and stopped compulsory homework.

Could you set up say 10 minutes just with you and the little one while your DS does something else? Then swap and do his reading time. She might be more ok with watching something if she's already had her time before his.

We do it before bed, partly because DP is home so we can take a child each. We used to have one parent read to the little one while the other listened to the big one read. Then read something to both of them.

I work with reception children. Honestly as long as you're listening to him read that will stand him in good stead.

I have same issues with the smaller one, also reception daughter is in morning and after school club, so we have no time. I try and get her to read her books in bed but she’s always too knackered. Spoke to the teacher multiple times and she always tells me not to worry about it. As for homework - only works if we do it Saturday morning, but I feel your pain with the toddler. I’ve no idea how we’ll cope next year when it actually matters. We have no spare minutes in our days.

Reading needs to be done every day it’s only 5-10 mins

Can you use the time DD is in the bath - get DS and you to sit in the bathroom and “how lucky is DD she’s going to have a bath while her big brother reads her a story”

Its a win win for now she’s trapped , your watching her in the bath and him reading read, he’s reading and she’s listening to reading.

Moving forward once DD will allow you - you need to start a homework routine- home snack 20 mins play then homework. Once done then more play before dinner. Setting this routine as an everyday occurrence means once the homework increases both your kids will be in a routine where they know that after school they do homework then play before dinner.

We do mornings as Dd is far too tired after school, makes loads of mistakes and gets frustrated.
in the morning there is loads of time as they get up at 6am!
it still takes discipline for us to sit down and make it a routine. If we miss one day there is struggle again for weeks.
we are not fitting in the other homework sheets in well either as we could do them at weekends but don’t want to really

You have one child, that’s why. I was an awesome parent when I had one, too.

@Everydayimhuffling i can try. I keep hoping the day will come she’ll let me give him some attention without coming over but hasn’t happened yet.

I guess ideally I’d just like to do more generally with him: more listening to him read and more practicing tricky words. But it isn’t just fitting it in, it’s when he isn’t tired / grumpy / when the toddler lets me. Harder than I thought!

Would your toddler get in on the action and sit and ‘read’ his own little book or scribble on a piece of paper? Apologies if I’m thinking glittery unicorn farts exist.

You made me laugh with glittery unicorn farts though!

I guess just have to keep pressing on.