Feeling like a grumpy old wench.

[2021x]

I am sure that this post will go down like a cup of cold sick, but I have absolutley noone I can talk to about this.

I am single and childfree and feeling frustrated that I can't get some time alone with any of friends even when I am paying for that time because they have children or other reponsibilites.

I am going to see a show with a friend and after the tickets were booked and paid for she said that she is bringing her adult autistic son as well... so that means all normal conversation has gone out the window. She didn't tell me before we agreed to the plans so I didn't have a choice and would have been a shit to back out or say something. I grew up with a special needs sibling that we had to always organise stuff around him and so this is hit all the particuarly crappy buttons for me.

I went to a personal trainer today and she had her 1 year old with her. He behaved fine but he was running around a bit. There was still no mention that this would be happening or checking if it was OK. I don't think a personal trainer would have dared with a male client- and it sounds like this is what she does with all of her clients.

I feel I come across to needy with people all the time, but I also haven't spoken to them in real life for a very long time that has felt like genuine connection. I had 5 weeks off inbetween jobs and I wasn't able to meet up with any friends between everyones schedules etc..

I find that I am just either buying myself shit, or eating myself into oblivian to fill the void. I just want to go somewhere and have a party.. I haven't been to a wedding or similar for ages.

I know its a moan and I can't change anything but I am feeling shit about it and for obvious reasons I can't say anything to anyone. I have plenty of hobbies and things to occupy myself, but I just want to watch a TV programme with something with someone and chat shit for a bit.

I am being unreasonable- get your own life and stop being so needy.
I am not being unreasonable- yeah its shit and hurts when you are own your own.

You need to find friends with the same wants, needs and priorities as you.

Even with us both having children, one of my oldest friends and I clash on what we want to do. She regularly wants to go for a couple of nights away, just us, and I don't like being away from my family that much. I can, I just would prefer not to because both DH and I have quite mentally demanding jobs and therefore we prefer downtime of an evening/weekend with DD.

So she does that with their friends and I mainly do things with friends who like to stay local and then we do things together that are a bit of compromise one way or another when we're able to.

It's part of adult friendship, unfortunately, that the dynamics change as people get into relationships, have kids, responsibilities etc. So build bonds with people similar to you.

Sorry OP but yet another blatantly ageist thread title.
What has being " old" got to do with being grumpy.
Any one of any age can be grumpy.

The ageism on MN is just absolutely ridiculous.

Fuck me...

yeah this is really rubbish for you. I have a DD and most of her life i've been solo. This did mean that I had her with me at most times. However, I would never assume that she was excepted wherever I was. I chose to have er, that doesn't mean my friends, who love her, didn't need adult only time.
I think the PT was unprofessional. Unless this is her USP and inclusive mostly to mummy workouts, or this was an emergency one off etc etc. You still should have been told, a work environment is not the place for a 1 year old. How can she expect her clients to fully concentrate when they are worried about the safety and whereabouts of a one year old.

Thanks for that. The kid was fine but yeah it was a bit irritating.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable with those two examples - your friend shouldn’t be randomly bringing along her adult kids, autistic or not, and I don’t see how a personal trainer can do her job properly when she’s constantly got one eye on a toddler.

Oh fgs really??

i hear you! Hideous for the personal trainer to do that. I would have asked for my money back to be honest, it’s totally unacceptable.

I think it’s time to withdraw from these friends as unfortunately once people have young children, your relationship often becomes untenable unless you are prepared to spend all your time at the park or soft play!

This post is making me even more of a grumpy OLD WITCH.

Have a day off.

Oh do get a grip. I loathe the ageism on MN but it’s just a saying like ‘grumpy old man’

So if you feel old and you feel grumpy how does one describe oneself?

Thanks for the support everyone... just down in the dumps. I moved countries so finding friends has been an uphill battle especially with the homesickness.

I think I have been watching a bit too much of Rivals and they all seem to be having a good time with the parties and I just want some of that type of entertainment for a bit.

Poor of your friend.

You should have told the trainer that you weren’t going to continue with the session with her DC there, v unprofessional of her. You could now tell her that if the situation arises again to please reschedule your session.

That ageist comment! What a daft post.

To the OP - we have “life stages” and need friends to match those (as well as keeping others on back burner!). The bringing along of children (of whatever age/capacity) is rude unless it’s a total emergency. Same with a dh/partner: no, I don’t want to spend an evening as a Big Green Hairy Gooseberry. As for the personal trainer - she should have cancelled.

We had the " do i dress like an old lady " thread at the weekend. Now we have the " feel like a grumpy old wench thread"

Ageism seems to the norm for a lot of pp on MN.

It is ridiculous and offensive to equate being old with being grumpy.

@2021x - Rivals! I don’t think anyone ever has had that good a time! (Although I think it was probably better to be posh in the 1980s, but that’s another thread…)

😂 you are not wrong. It is fiction...

Oh dear, someone’s feeling a bit old and grumpy today!

'Dressing like an old lady' implies there is something wrong with being an old lady though. How is that the same as calling oneself old?

I'm surprised about the PT. That seems strange. I would find another, child free, one

Make friends with older empty nesters like.me!
Mind you, I enjoy walking around parks and going to museums.

Exactly!

Yeah.. I might have a look around and see what the options are.

Find childless friends then? I don’t see another solution really other than being straight with your friends and explaining you only want to see them alone.