AIBU to feel uneasy about a segregated by sex youth club?

[Scottishmamaagain]

A local community group which is primarily ran by members of the Muslim community but is open to everyone and benefits the whole community has started a a weekly Youth Club for teens. Great I thought there isn’t enough stuff for teenagers etc. I have just seen a post promoting it on a community area page on Facebook, and it’s segregated into a boys group and a girls group at different times, with different activities. For the first week the boys is football followed by World Cup fantasy stuff, whereas the girls is a reading group. It just makes me cringe a bit a feel uncomfortable, is such classic stereotypes, there’s loads of girls into football around here and I assume lots of boys who also read. I don’t understand why it needs to segregated into the first place.

Don’t want to drip feed, but this group has had quite a hard time lately from the local stop the boats brigade, but I’ve always stood up for them on comments on social media. They have kept a local community centre open and events they have helped organised have benefited our struggling town centre. But something about this segregated youth group makes me feel uncomfortable.

AIBU - it’s just a youth group, no one has to go and it doesn’t make a difference if it’s segregated
AINBU - there is no need to segregate this and it’s wrong to fall into stereotypes

Teenage girls playing football with teenage boys is a bad idea as the strength disparity is dangerous. This is why they are split after primary age (can't recall the exact age)

You could ask if the girls could have football as an option?

What about reading?

Why can’t they read in the same group?

They have probably consulted with the teens who attend.

I think there are two conflating issues here: the sex segregation and the stereotypical activities.

Im a girlguiding leader and I fully believe in the benefits of girls having spaces to be themselves without boys around. I also think its a shame this doesnt exist for boys anymore, although I completely understand why the scouts chose to go mixed sex.

However, I dont see any reason why a girls group and a boys group cant run the same activities (it would also make planning a lot easier!). Our brownies and guides have done amazing "non stereotypical" activities and being in a space free from boys often allows them to try things they never would otherwise. I guess the easiest way would be to offer to volunteer and make change that way, but i appreciate not everyone has the time or capacity to do that.

Set up your own mixed group if you don't agree with this. Or join this and contribute to the girl's section and encourage other activities. Or stay on the sidelines and moan about the people that actually do something for kids, like most parents do. Your choice.

I don’t think it really matters whether you feel uneasy about the way this group is run - if it’s well-attended and serves the community around it then it is what it is, and you either use it or you don’t. Would your children enjoy it? That’s the only thing that matters, really.

If you want a different type of youth group, you could start one yourself.

This.

Why do women have women only book groups? Why can't boys join guides? Why can't men join the WI? Or women go to men's sheds? Sometimes groups are set up to be single sex. A lot of people think this is a good thing.

I think…give it a chance. It is literally just getting started
and their plans might develop as they go along.

Also is it really surprising given that it is a Muslim led group? Places of worship are segregated in Islam, even for weddings etc

I’ve no issue at all with single sex groups.

The stereotypical activities are a different matter. If they have different people running them (which I assume they do) it might reflect the individual interests of those people, and they may find that they don’t see as many members as they’d like if they don’t branch out the activities.

I don’t really see the issue with having some single sex groups, especially for teens many of whom are capable of being spectacularly stupid in front of the opposite sex.

guides is (in theory) single sex.

nobody is making people go to this. It’s a totally optional activity.

I agree - also a girlguiding leader. Offer to help.

I don’t see the issue in having some single sex groups, as this is open to both boys and girls. Yes it’s a bit stereotypical the activities listed, but hopefully when they get the young people in they can come up with some better ideas for the girls.

This isn’t that though,

It’s a Youth club, not A Girls’ Club, or a Boys’ club, so not segregated by definition.

What are ‘men’s sheds’?

I think a single sex youth club is a good idea. I remember really valuing Guides as a teen for that reason. And I also know from experience (I have 2 teenagers) that any mixed sex activity does become a bit of a dating agency within minutes which they probably want to avoid.

I think football / fantasy World Cup as the first activity for boys is probably a good call. Best chance of getting a decent number in.

Reading for girls is…well….a bit shit really. But I do have sympathy as I can’t decide what the equivalent of football is for teen girls. In primary school it is dancing but dancing doesn’t carry on into secondary in the same universal way that football does for boys. Teen girls are a lot more eclectic than teen boys. Thinking of DD’s friends - she is part of a sporty group but they each play different sports whilst with DS’s group of friends they will all happily kick a football around if you give them one.

There was once a holiday club advertised near us which was run by Muslims/people at the mosque. (It wasn't at the mosque). That was segregated too and different activities for the different sexes. It was open to everyone. I didn't send my child there. But then I presume that there's a market for it in the Muslim community otherwise why would they do it

Its a youth club that is offering members single sex groups. Which as I say, many people see great value in.
Men's sheds are single sex mens groups where men can socialise with other men, learn skills and so on. Reported to be having a positive impact on the mental health of men who attend, and reducing loneliness and social isolation.

There are loads of gender based clubs out there isn't it both for children, young people and even older ones..... So it is not a new thing ...

However this is a new club and if you are keen to explore it and want your children to join, you can talk to them and perhaps either suggest them or help them to diversify the activities a bit....

But please don't sit on the sidelines and criticise people who are giving up their own time to do something nice for the community..... They are not forcing anyone to join anyway, and and it doesn't harm you what they do with their activities... So please leave them be ....

If its a group for teens, is there a chance theyve chosen their own activities?

Its easy to say tgat it should bemixed. However in some communities, Mixed just means the girls cant attend.

I agree im 52 now but was in the girl guides and Rangers as a teen it was nice to have all girl group, even back then there was choice for girls at least
Venture scouts was open to males and females
We also had quite a lot of joint activities with other venture scout groups which was good fun
But the weekly ranger meetings were female only.

Suddenly half of mumsnet is against single-sex spaces. What an interesting shift... I wonder if a poll about whether girl guides should exist as a single sex space would get the same results🤔

The activities for the first week were likely chosen based on the specific interests expressed by current young members and by what volunteers were excited to lead. We can debate the causes and wish things were different, but the reality is that by the teen years if you let a group of boys vote on an activity and a group of girls vote on activity you will frequently get different results.

The offering of single sex groups is fine. Those single sex groups should be allowed to pick activities based on member interests. But it's also great for there to be more diverse options, so if your DD wants to join the group and would like football to be the activity one week speak up and offer to volunteer - it sounds like there isn't a single fixed activity every week anyways. Or find some other families to join with and start another group.

I think single sex can be beneficial.

I’m a bit torn on the activities. I think it’s good to encourage girls to get into sports but I also think it’s not always negative outside forces that cause differences in preferences between boys and girls. Maybe if enough girls want football and ask for it they’ll do it. It might just be a practicality issue, in that presumably it’s women running the girls group and maybe none of them are into sports and so don’t feel comfortable running sessions on it. Volunteer if you can do sports.

Surely there are other activities in the area??

Im not sure what youre expecting...its a Muslim group, so of course it will all be split by sex.