"You are not a prize to be won".

[RocNRol]

My husband and I are on the rocks. When we try to talk about why it feels so disconnected, I will say that I feel ignored or he never asks anything about me anymore etc (he's always on his phone, grunts answers), and he always gets annoyed and he always says to me "you are not a prize to be won". It's his go to phrase. Says it every time. I find it really dismissive but he says he just means it's not his job to 'keep me' or 'make me happy' and it's a two way thing. AIBU to find it a shitty thing to say to your wife, or do people have sympathy for what he's trying to say.

What an awful thing to say. I agree with the posters who says he hates you. He knows, but he’s hoping you won’t leave if he beats your self esteem into the ground.

Don’t let him. You see, you are the prize. It’s exactly why he does this.

It’s manosphere nonsense. The unspoken part is that he thinks he is the prize, as evidenced by him taking advantage of you and doing nothing useful or productive. The entire red pill/manosphere thing appeals to men with low self-esteem and usually low education/employment status as it makes them feel important and superior. It is full of pathetic, nonsense sayings like “Women aren’t the prize. YOU are the prize” to make them feel good about themselves.

Get rid of the loser. Let him seethe alone online with the rest of his ilk.

Yeah he sounds really awful, like he wants to keep you in your place

not the behaviour of someone who loves some one

The amount of men who secretly hate us is shocking.

Yeah. At first I thought it sounds like manosphere crap, but strangely familiar. Then I remembered - Jasmine from Aladdin “I am not a prize to be won”.

Does he watch a lot of Disney OP?

You are going mad tbh

you are presenting to us a one sided story that clearly indicates you should break up with him, then simultaneously justifying continuing the relationship bc you might be expecting princess treatment (?)

personally I’m not sure what you want people to say because given the information/facts presented, it indicates the relationship is over. And at that point it becomes less about trying to make it work? As your mindset should now be how do you leave, when?

In your previous post you said you paid all the bills.

He doesn't love you, and can't be arsed to make an effort with you. He wants an easy life - the clue is in the fact you pay all the bills. His life with you is comfortable. I'm willing to bet he's the proud owner of a magic fridge which refills without him lifting a finger and a self cleaning house which strangely he doesn't have to help with.

A marriage does need to be worked at all the time. He sees it as just another chore.

He wants his own service human as his possession.

Reflect on this. It's all about maintaining his easy life. Not whether he loves you

the replies on this thread are good OP, I’d say your marriage needs ending and you deserve better and you will be so much happier this time next year. I hope it works out for you.

He hates you but likes your money. He saw his meal ticket disappearing over the horizon last year and scrambled to stop it escaping. Now he is back to normal behaviour.

I’d LTB, and I honestly don’t say that very often on here.

You pay for everything and he talks to you like shit. Why, exactly, are you with him op?

Just this afternoon i was telling my DH a short anecdote about something. Just a funny thing that happened. Dh half smiled and looked away. My six year old goes up to dh and whispers to dh "laugh at mummy's joke". Even my kid can see the lack of interest

If you pay all the bills what is he doing? How does parenting work in your house?

it sounds like you’ve tried, had the therapy and it’s not worked out so seems the right time to leave!

Play him the clip from Aladdin and see if he gets embarrassed. That's where he's got that phrase from. How tragic.

Any advice that starts with ‘girl’ is Jerry Springer/ Dr Phil tripe. We see the clicky false nails and brittle attitude and… nah.

I think thats very classist of you tbh

Girl is a part of a very common vernacular

Its also imo more personable

Yes, I’m fine with my understanding of language, thanks for your critique, but I’m not finding it useful. Classism is , I note, widely considered absolutely fine when directed at the middle or upper. So, nah. I don’t collude. Crass brittle sass is cheap and heartless. And often starts with a quasi sisterly hook of ‘ girl’, which I find offensive to feminism.

Ohh okay girl 🙄🙄

Dump him. Immediately.

I think his use of that phrase is sufficient reason to leave him all on its own. I expect he'll be begging you to come back when you leave him.

🤣🤣🤣

That's my girl. It's not you without a gif 💕

You mean like he did last time?

undoubtably, the OP just need to properly end it now & keep it ended!!

Thank you @MeltyMomenrs 🙂💕

I think I've riled a few people up this week 😫😫😄

What a horrible response to a supportive post. You using “nah” at the end of your post makes you sound like a road man, but whatever.

OP your H should be your biggest supporter. Your poor DD stepping in to try and point out his horrible attitude. Show her she’s right to expect a husband to pay attention to his wife. Leave him and let him stew this time, don’t take him back as he doesn’t deserve you, and your DD needs to learn that you don’t tolerate disrespect.

Listen to Tolerate It by Taylor Swift, then break free and leave him in ruins.

He's lacking even the most basic level of respect for you. Sorry OP, but it's not really a marriage even once that basic respect goes. It's not good for you and it's not good for your child to have this as a model for future relationships.

I promise you your life can be better than this.