AIBU for feeling a bit sad and hating myself

[gloriousday34]

AIBU to feel upset by this comment from a friend on holiday?

Currently away with a friend in and something happened that’s really got under my skin.

Earlier in the day I had a big meal to myself. Yes it was big, but I’m on holiday and I never normally let myself eat stuff like that at home i follow diet plans I run 6 days a week and do Pilates. I’ve also had a difficult relationship with food/body image for years (i dont think she fully knew thr extent of it being bulimia)

Later on we were doing a group wine tasting strangers and there was a platter on the table. A man jokingly offered me some and I laughed and said “I’m saving calories.”

My friend then loudly went “well she wasn’t saving them earlier!” and started going on about the “ginormous” plate of food I’d eaten earlier. I tried to laugh it off and said “showing pictures isn’t needed” because she’d taken photos of it earlier, but she doubled down saying “no it definitely is, look at the size of hers compared to my tiny meal!”

I then said something like “it’s fine, I run at home anyway” and she replied “not running here though are you!”

I felt genuinely embarrassed and exposed, especially in front of strangers. It wasn’t so much one joke, more that she kept going after I literally said dont get the picture out.

I did tell her afterwards because she said i seemed off that I didn’t appreciate it and she said sorry, but it was more of a ah shit sorry and she’s never properly mentioned it again, which is probably why it still bothers me.

Part of me thinks I’m being oversensitive and another part thinks alcohol exposed a side I’d never seen. We drink among people we know and ive never seen this. It’s just made me not eat properly since

AIBU?

Yeah she’s got her own insecurities and they been put on you she’s the unhappy one. Love yourself and whatever you love to eat your on Holiday. But if she continues with the unkind remarks mark some distance on holiday or when you return home life is short surround yourself with good friends xx

Thanks for all the comments. Suppose I feel a bit confused and lost she’s never been or acted like this. Feel like after 5 years I’ve seen a different side to her

I think so too but there’s a small part of me that’s like. Why did you push that comment even after you could see I was uncomfortable. I wouldn’t do that to her esp when it comes to food

tried to just forget about it but a small part of me just felt sad. Like, why would you do that to me when you know im sensitive. It felt like I was being laughed at. Idk maybe she didn’t mean it but when I said I’ll run it off and she said well you haven’t run here I was like ok I give up

A - that's not a friend

B - why are you justifying what you eat to anyone ?

You obviously do have a problem around food - and Im not judging , I also do, but Id never allowed that conversation to take wings Everyone I work with, socialise with, live with, knows I monitor my food intake because I tend to run to fat if I dont. But they also know I will have a burger and chips or a chip and curry sauce - when I really want it and they know I'll be back watching the calories the next meal. next day or even next week

I dont get hung up if I go off plan and eat everything around me so other peoples comments dont bother me at all

Yea I still am working through things even now. I don’t share that with others though.

Frenemy. Ditch her when you get back. I am very active like you but eat what I fancy when on holiday. Your „friend“ was cruel and what she said was uncalled for and not a reflection of yourself at all. Let her feel happy about her sparrows‘ meal and get osteoporosis later in life.

It’s hard because I actually thought we were good friends. Any friend ive ever had that’s been a woman behaves like this to me and I feel let down

I think the problem might be your relationship with food. I am slim and healthy and eat loads. People often comment on the size of my portions and how much I eat and I do not care in the slightest. However, saying that, I am very conscious that I have plenty of friends who have bad relationships with food so would never comment on what or how much people are eating. I also don't care so wouldn't think to say anything.

She's not a friends, she's a rude nasty witch.
Don't doubt yourself.
Hers was not normal behaviour.
I would think her behaviour very unpleasant if i was at the table, not normal at all.

Wow she’s an absolute knob.

Probably the end of the friendship tbh. I would never feel the same if someone deliberately tried to hurt me like that.

Yes, you both sound as if you have an odd, unhealthy relationship with food.

She probably has her own issues with food. Insensitive but probably didn’t mean to be & if a good friend will genuinely have not meant to hurt your feelings.

Don’t let it upset you, its fine to treat yourself on holiday, it sounds like you are very fit & healthy otherwise so as long as its not the start of bulimia reoccurring then carry on & enjoy yourself

Did i read right that she had been drinking? Drunk people can be twats, she apologised, id move on personally

She sounds awful. Please don't let it spoil your holiday.

Torn between this and also it still upset me

I don’t think you were over sensitive. There’s a huge difference between a bit of ribbing between friends and being made the butt of a joke to a wider audience. And despite the fake laugh and jolly tone it wasn’t a joke, I mean what is genuinely funny about the size of someone’s meal? Nothing really. It was just a snide way of calling you greedy while (as others have said) getting attention for herself and her teeny tiny tummy.

This won’t be much consolation to you but when the man laughed, he probably did so to keep things light while thinking your friend was an arsehole.

Had it been me and my family she embarrassed you in front of, she would have become a running joke between us. We would be asking each other if we really needed another pea, surely any more than two was gluttony. Keep a picture of that in your mind for the next few days.

Then when you get home think about what you have learned about her. Maybe it was because she was a bit drunk. Now you know she can be a shit when she’s drinking. And as she saw no need to apologise with any sincerity and regret, she obviously thinks it’s ok for her to do that. Or maybe she’s one of those women who throw their friends under the bus to try to make themselves look good. Or both.

You could try avoiding situations where she might behave that way again. I think that would get tiresome and limiting. And people like that frequently see forgiveness as an open door and go on to behave worse rather than more considerately. Even if it feels difficult to let this friendship fizzle out and find better friends, in the long run it will make you much happier.

And please try not to let her derail the progress you have made with your bulimia. She really, really isn’t worth it.

Not eating properly since is unreasonable.
Friend was a dick, though. Why? Does she like to make fun of people? Seems like it and you need to find a new friend. She has a mean streak. Next time your comeback is, That's why I train - so I can holiday without guilt.

I don't think that's the right comeback at all, because you don't need to justify it and even if you didn't train, you can eat what you like. The best comeback imo is "what a weird thing to say" or "are you ok".

Ok.

If most/all of your female friends end up treating you badly......I'd choose differently and get a few sessions of therapy to work out why you choose nasty women

Definitely dump this bitch asap

Ok now you need to remember she doesn’t know you are bulimic and that’s what was behind the plate size. So for her it was just a huge plate of food,and quite extraordinary, do you think if she understood she was seeing an eating disorder playing out, she’d have still done it? I’m not sure she would.

she was drunk, she has no idea of the sensitivity and issues beneath it, which is what is driving your reaction,

I think sadly she too has issues about food. Its so common. I supported my daughter through an eating disorder and realised its very common.

Maybe it’s the opposite, maybe she has no issues so is just surprised as she all but watched fhe op binge, had no idea why she ate so much, and then watched her tell some bloke she was saving calories, she’s no idea the op has issues with food,