AIBU for feeling a bit sad and hating myself

[gloriousday34]

AIBU to feel upset by this comment from a friend on holiday?

Currently away with a friend in and something happened that’s really got under my skin.

Earlier in the day I had a big meal to myself. Yes it was big, but I’m on holiday and I never normally let myself eat stuff like that at home i follow diet plans I run 6 days a week and do Pilates. I’ve also had a difficult relationship with food/body image for years (i dont think she fully knew thr extent of it being bulimia)

Later on we were doing a group wine tasting strangers and there was a platter on the table. A man jokingly offered me some and I laughed and said “I’m saving calories.”

My friend then loudly went “well she wasn’t saving them earlier!” and started going on about the “ginormous” plate of food I’d eaten earlier. I tried to laugh it off and said “showing pictures isn’t needed” because she’d taken photos of it earlier, but she doubled down saying “no it definitely is, look at the size of hers compared to my tiny meal!”

I then said something like “it’s fine, I run at home anyway” and she replied “not running here though are you!”

I felt genuinely embarrassed and exposed, especially in front of strangers. It wasn’t so much one joke, more that she kept going after I literally said dont get the picture out.

I did tell her afterwards because she said i seemed off that I didn’t appreciate it and she said sorry, but it was more of a ah shit sorry and she’s never properly mentioned it again, which is probably why it still bothers me.

Part of me thinks I’m being oversensitive and another part thinks alcohol exposed a side I’d never seen. We drink among people we know and ive never seen this. It’s just made me not eat properly since

AIBU?

Well she's no friend.

Your friend sounds an insensitive idiot
you are on holiday, you are there to enjoy yourself which is partly about over indulging in good food.
do whatever you want, don’t let anyone else make you feel bad about eating what you want.

No friend. I'm sorry.

Your on holiday you should see the portion sizes i have. Holidays and Christmas calories don't count in my opinion. Your friend was putting you down to make others laugh its just nasty and not even funny. Hopefully writing it down here will make you feel better soon that you can go on and enjoy the rest of your holiday x

She's jealous you were enjoying yourself

Don't let her ruin that for you

That was really mean. Sounds like you both have an unhealthy relationship with food but you can only address your own.

She sounds insensitive, but you also sound a bit over sensitive.

It wouldn't bother me if someone said that, but then I don't see having a huge meal as some sort of indicator of anything? I think your previous ED is colouring your view.

Presumably you know her pretty well, but if she doesn't generally make comments about what you are or are not eating, and doesn't know you've had an ED, then surely it was just misjudged? Only you know which is more likely, but if she's a good friend surely she would have given a heartfelt apology once she knew she'd upset you.

But, anyway, eat what you like, enjoy yourself, and DON'T justify your food intake, especially around men!

I suspect you both have food issues, if someone said my plate was huge I’d laugh and say and it was soo good. I’d also not give a shit about someone else’s portion size.

do you think you could have eating issues again, it sounds like if it was that big it was a form of binge and now you’re not eating properly again due to it?

She is a complete cow and taking pictures of your food is insane behaviour.
Showing those photos to others is off the charts nasty.

It sounds like she is the one with insecurities.

Did you not think it weird her taking photographs of your dinner? That’s certifiable.

Maybe she wasn't adequately sensitive, but if diet/food isn't a trigger for her, then it's very easy to see why she wouldn't think like that, and it's not at all malicious.

You're likely somewhat (over)sensitive to it, and, TBH, you did start a diet conversation by saying "I'm saving calories" rather than just "no thanks" to the platter. I guarantee no-one else was thinking about or cared about your food intake, so the "embarrassed and exposed" is hugely overkill for what would have been a complete non event to the rest of the group.

Also, I'm confused about what you want from her? You pulled her up on it later, she apologised, but because she didn't then bring it up again another time, you're still annoyed? She apologised. Maybe not as effusively as you'd have liked, but I feel you're wanting to make this a big deal because you have big feelings about it, not because objectively it was a terrible thing for her to have done.

It was a bit misjudged and a bit insensitive. But if she's usually a good friend, take a deep breath, relax and let it go.

Fucking weird to have big eyes for someone else’s plate. To the extent of TAKING A PICTURE of it.

Has she been starving herself for years and it’s messed her up?

This is fascinating.

I know I should be asking ‘what was the big dinner’, gwan tell us’ but if was eating and someone wanted to take a photo of my dinner, I would think that’s extremely unusual ( unless it was a food challenge and you ate like 47 hotdogs to win a prize etc.)

Do you photograph each others food regularly?

Is she jealous of you? If you hadn’t realised it before this has just shown her to be by sounds of it. An opportunity to score points at your expense & humiliate you. Don’t dwell on it. Just be mindful what she’s really like. Why should y you eat what you like? Why the hell is she policing your good & her teeny tiny portion. Urgh. Stupid cow.

I don’t get ‘friends’ like this. Perhaps pp are right and she’s no friend - one of those frenemies.
I don’t have many friends and whilst we all enjoy a private pisstake of each other, part of the job description is to big up your mates to strangers.

Typical mean girl energy, insecurity inside and projecting (loudly) onto someone else. Do not dwell on it op, stuff like this is always about how the bitchy person feels and them wanting you to feel their shame instead of admitting they are jealous in some way of you.

She’s using ur food as a way to gain attention for herself. Prob jealous the man was speaking to u and not her. Not a friend.
also bet she has sent that photo to everyone she wants on txt slagging u off to get even more attention. Why else take it?? Not cool.

What do you mean by saying you haven’t eaten properly since? Are you restricting yourself now as a result?

She was unreasonable for showing the photo, but you did start it with the saving calories comment. There was no need to say that, especially as others were enjoying the platter.

op, are you still bulimic? Were you binging and then going to throw it up. And that’s why you feel exposed, and now restricting ? Is this about an eating disorder?

She’s an arsehole.

She is in fact, a cunt

She isn't a friend. Finish the holiday and then cut contact. A fucking bitch, that's what she is

I think she went a bit far but equally you started it with the calorie excuse. You can just say no thanks. Anyway you raised it, she said sorry. I’d say draw a line under it.

Also maybe see a therapist because both the restriction and the exercise appear to be compensatory behaviours.