ADHD or just personal preference?

[SummerStrolls]

I work with someone who says they have ADHD.

This manifests in different ways: they won't use spreadsheets, they won't pick up the phone to make a call, they only really use instant messaging at work (often very bluntly), won't veer from the set tasks they have for the day/take any last minute requests and they won't do anything that isn't in their job description.

There are five of us in the team, but we all have to adhere to this individual's way of working, which doesn't seem fair.

I get the feeling our manager is scared of upsetting them in case they complain to HR.

AIBU to question how much of this is actually ADHD and how much is just their personal preference?

Thank you for all your responses. I'm realising while reading these that my frustration comes down to this one individual calling the shots in a way that affects how I and the rest of the team works.

It's also made me realise that I struggle to see ADHD as a disability, so I need to do some work on accepting this.

Yeah I’ll be honest one of the really good things about speaking to occupational health was they were fully aware of what some standard reasonable adjustments were and it was honestly really helpful because before that my manager was just “tell me what you need” and I was very hesitant about asking for too much and also wasn’t sure what was available.

(I became disabled in an accident)

My friend has autism and ADHD. All apart from spreadsheets do apply. No idea how they are with spreadsheets - they don’t work so this question never arised.
Refusal of phone calls and rigid thinking are absolutely there. I would say they both are quite typical.

depends on role in the company. Wouln’t be a reasonable adjustment if in Accounts but may be if in IT for example

Thank you. It's a marketing team.

I think that's a really honest reflection, OP, and I get it. There are still times when I tell myself that adhd isn't a disability either, and that I really just need to get my act together. I do genuinely understand why others might see it that way.

The thing is, after decades and decades of trying so, so hard to manage my symptoms, I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that I actually just can't make my brain work like a neurotypical person's brain. That doesn't mean that my brain doesn't work at all...it does, but not in a normal way.

In my case, there is so much guilt and shame wrapped up with the struggles that I have spent a lifetime trying to conquer that I am highly motivated to mask my difficulties and I've learned to do it pretty effectively. I bend over backwards to ensure that my challenges don't impact negatively on anyone else, but at enormous cost to myself. I can not tell you how incredibly difficult it makes my life, but only those closest to me have any inkling of how it affects me.

So I think it really is incredibly disabling for many people, and perhaps some people are less able to mask than I am. Or perhaps they just aren't prepared to suck up the immense personal cost of masking. At the same time, while adhd absolutely makes life a whole lot harder, it isn't a free pass to be a selfish arse, nor does it entitle people to get away with murder. But if that's what is happening, it is for your manager to deal with, and all you can do is advocate for your own wellbeing as necessary.

I have ADHD and work in HR.

If this was escalated to me, I would suggest that plans need to be put in place to balance everyone’s needs in a tangible way. Struggles with phone calls? I do too, but a blanket ban is unworkable. Solution could be that they schedule an hour a day for phone meetings. Then they don’t get the overwhelm of unpredictable calls, and you know you can call them at 10am etc.

The fast paced reactive nature of your role sounds great for many ADHD’ers (There is a reason that ADHD is prevalent in careers like emergency medicine). This person sounds ASD to me. I work with a lot ASD folk (academia) who genuinely need coaching to understand that a) their behaviour is unreasonably rigid and that impacts others and b) they need to think about what is truly important as it’s unreasonable to expect everyone to bend to their will.

As everyone has said, that’s on your leader. I don’t know if it would help to know that it’s likely driven by anxiety as opposed to a lack of consideration. Unfortunately it’s entirely possible that they are an arsehole wholly unrelated to their neurodiversity.

A lot of the issues you've mentioned sound more like they're caused by your unwillingness to exert boundaries rather than your colleague's ADHD. If you're being asked to work outside of your contracted hours and you don't want to, just say no.

I don't think it is all just based on anxiety though, or rigidness. It can genuinely be to do with processing differences.

For ADHD/autism, phone calls can create a real disadvantage because they require instant auditory processing, fast verbal response, working memory, tone-reading, interruption management, and no written record. For some people that causes shutdown, panic, overwhelm, errors, or loss of functioning. Reducing it to a specific time slot in the day doesn't eliminate the barrier as the consequences of that hour or reduced time slot can continue well past the scheduled time. Also not everybody with neurodivergence is impacted in the same way, so someone with ADHD or autism may cope better than a peer with the same conditions but have completely different struggles and that's important to note.

Again, similarly using specific software can mean that person can get their job done better if it helps take the load off of processing and task switching.

Someone else up thread pointed out excel does work with the software this person is using so I'm not entirely sure why the entire team are having to change software though.

I have ADHD, diagnosed when I was 60. So does my brother, diagnosed at 50. And my sister, though she's never bothered with a formal diagnosis as hers impacted on her much less and she was only about 4 years from retirement when DBro & I were diagnosed.

We are all completely different in how it affects us, plus our differing careers etc have impacted how well we each cope with things.
DSis has real problems getting anywhere on time, it's almost a compulsion with her to leave just not quite enough time assuming there are no problem, but as an ex project management person I need to plan, plan, add contingency to every step then plan again.
DBro has real issues working in the office, I have issues working from home.

That said, we are (or were in DSis's case) doing jobs that suit our own peculiarities. DBro works in policy mostly writing papers. I work in admin, with a mix of routine tasks and urgent ones but all small tasks. Which is why we work in our respective fields - I couldn't do his job, he would have problems with mine - and we wouldn't even try to work in a job we were profoundly unsuited for.

In my role taking calls from young adults, mostly vulnerable, is part of the job. As is occasionally jumping from one task to another when something urgent comes up. I have reasonable adjustments for my role, but refusing to take calls would make me completely unfit for it. As would refusing to use the standard software as we all have to work on shared drives and spreadsheets etc often updating the same log at the same time, so need to all use the same.

In my team the other 3 people are all married with children, so again adjustments are made round that; I work round theirs and they work round mine. They are interviewing for our vacancy next week (about time too, we've been short staffed for a year now), and inability to take difficult calls, work with our software & systems, or have their turn one day a week in the office would make them completely unsuited for the role.

For some people that causes shutdown, panic, overwhelm, errors, or loss of functioning.

So surely that would make them unsuited for any job in say a call centre, or where taking calls is an important part of the role? Reasonable adjustments are just that, reasonable taking into consideration the role as defined in the job description and their ability to be able to perform that role with the adjustments. Any disability that means you can't do an integral part of the job means you aren't suited to it.

There is a line between reasonable accomodations and job not being a good fit, especially in a small team...

So you’d take a job where you wouldn’t do a major part of the role?

Yes it would make them unsuitable where it is a major part of the role but in this case the OPs employer doesn't feel it is critical to the business for this person to be taking calls as there are other workloads that they can do.

Whether the OP feels the adjustment is reasonable or not isn't really the issue, it's whether the remaining workload is being spread evenly and not interfering with other essential tasks within the role.

I worked in a role with someone who had macular degeneration and increasingly couldn't do certain tasks within our role but as there were other tasks within our role they could do it was reasonable for them to do those jobs and the remaining responsibility be evenly split by those who are physically able to. That's entirely different than if the physical tasks were the entire role, such as taking phone calls is almost the entire role within a call centre for people who can't speak on the phone.

The OP has stated this person does more emails instead. Email responses are still a critical part of the departments comes, and so within the department there are still the resources for all of the duties to be fulfilled.

I appreciate you saying that you will work on it.

While it sounds like your colleague is an actual PITA, ADHD is absolutely no fun to live with.

I'd do anything to be someone who doesn't have this shit. While I have held down a job and have a lot of consistencies in my life, the actual parts of me it does affect are bloody awful. I do what I can though to help myself, I don't put it on anyone or anybody at work. I am unmedicated and use practical methods.

Nor do I use it an excuse. Some people will as in all walks of life, there are people who use it as their whole personality. But who I am is separate to this. It has delayed so much for me, especially getting a late diagnosis and having to relearn how to do things my own way, rather than a typical way wasn't easy. But I swear it's no picnic, just because some people think it's a bloody trend.

I hope things work out for you and that the office gets to work together better.

With the links thing..
Do you say ‘can you just send me the link please it’s a lot quicker than me searching?’

Then what happens?

With excel- if company spreadsheets are using it then how are they just wanting to use something else if the excel ones already exist? Tough luck surely.

It sounds like a lot of pandering.

with the last minute requests can’t the boss delegate them out fairly?

no, but roles evolve and most people can evolve as well but some cant.

my current role was admin based when i first started it - occasional phone calls but mainly email communication between us and customers, over the past few years that has now incorporated occasional customer visits, which scare the utter shit out of me, but ive done them but luckily i do have a great manager who is very supportive and helps minimise my panic from doing these