ADHD or just personal preference?

[SummerStrolls]

I work with someone who says they have ADHD.

This manifests in different ways: they won't use spreadsheets, they won't pick up the phone to make a call, they only really use instant messaging at work (often very bluntly), won't veer from the set tasks they have for the day/take any last minute requests and they won't do anything that isn't in their job description.

There are five of us in the team, but we all have to adhere to this individual's way of working, which doesn't seem fair.

I get the feeling our manager is scared of upsetting them in case they complain to HR.

AIBU to question how much of this is actually ADHD and how much is just their personal preference?

Seriously, you can ask not to use phone but email instead?

I have to answer calls at my desk, not that we get a lot. My colleague answers ones to their desk. And I work NHS.

Why did anyone apply for this job if they find the specs too much? To the op.

They're not at all flexible with their working days, so it's often me or my colleagues who cover for events outside of usual hours.

If this was on the job description and they agreed to the contract, then it’s completely unfair that they get out of it simply by saying they have ADHD.

It seems that they cannot do this job and so they need to find another one.

It’s not discrimination.
There are many jobs that require good eye sight or not having had laser eye surgery etc.
You cannot be a firefighter if you’re in a wheelchair etc.

There are reasonable adjustments but then there is just not being able to do the job.

I agree with you.

I was just thinking all of these things sound really plausible for ASD. Possibly moreso if it's a combination of both ASD and ADHD.

I agree completely. It's ok to get adjustments to help do the job but not avoid. That's ridiculous. You are there to work, not dictate.

Where has @SummerStrolls demanded access to colleagues private medical information?
also she doesn’t seem to want to force this person to work like her, just to do what they are paid for.

@SummerStrolls you and the rest of your colleagues should follow suit, work to rule and absolutely not pick up their slack! It’s your managers responsibility to establish how to distribute the workload, so that if they don’t want to do x and expect others to do it, what will they pick up instead.

Yes?

think about the range of disabilities there are. A deaf person is not going to be able to effectively communicate using a telephone. There are various services that try to work around this but email/teams/instant messenger is an obvious solution.

equally, many people who have had strokes or similar struggle to speak clearly but can type no problem.

i myself only have intermittent speech these days and I communicate more often in writing.

of course a standard reasonable adjustment is using email/teams/instant messenger.

Sounds more like PITA syndrome than ADHD and they are in the wrong job if they can't/won't do it.

Well obviously I know someone who is hard of hearing could do that or any illnesses of the like, I'm not dense.

But I didn't know you could ask it as a requirement just because you find it stressful!

We have to use teams primarily in our job but I wouldn't be able to get out of taking calls.

What is PITA?

Pain in the arse.

It's not about what I can see or what I can't see. I'm trying to help you to present your case in a way that a manager is more likely to respond to.

And in any case, the question of cause and effect is open to interpretation. If the rest of you and your team are overloaded with last minute requests or covering for events etc, then you can argue that the person who is excluded from this due to reasonable adjustments is the cause of the problem, but you could equally argue that management has failed to put appropriate and sufficient resources in place to meet the needs of the service. There is not only one way of looking at these things, and forcing your colleague to do the work in a way that causes them to struggle is unlikely to be the only possible solution.

If you genuinely want the impact on you to be addressed, then I highly recommend that you frame the issue in terms of the things which you personally are finding difficult.

If you just want to whinge about the perception that it isn't fair, then go ahead, but be aware that it won't look very professional and it probably won't result in any solutions being found.

Oh ha ha! I think I'd be hauled into HR if I suggested this!

Thank you. I don’t think I'm whinging, but will certainly take on some of the constructive feedback I've had here if and when I decide to bring this up again with our manager.

Op says this person says they have adhd.

ie she does not really believe they have adhd and they have not shared any other conditions with her.

management often face a difficult situation if they have a disabled member of staff. Sometimes the disabled person is happy to share all their medical details with the team (or they are visibly in a wheelchair/don’t respond at all to speech and carry a card saying they are deaf/etc) but often people are not happy to share what can after all be sensitive medical information with their team.

it’s then difficult for the manager as often the colleagues will ask questions along the lines of why does she not have to do work out of hours when I do?

and sonetimes that answer is well, because she’s in a wheelchair and that event is up three flights of stairs with no lift etc. it’s also common for disabled people to have issues with fatigue particularly if there is an illness and ongoing pain involved so fixed days or fixed shifts are a common reasonable adjustment (which also tends to cause problems as most people on a rotating shift pattern would also prefer a fixed shift).

ultimately if the person in question has requested these reasonable adjustments/or occupational health has recommended them and they’ve been accepted by HR and management then it would be very foolish of the line manager to get rid of them as it would open the firm up to tribunal.

op, from your perspective some of this looks like unfairness (them not answering short notice requests) and some of it is very much personal preference (email vs phone call, trellis vs excel).

within a business it’s normal for the business to decide what software is used - this isn’t something that a member of staff would decide. Equally, there’s probably policies on eg communicating with customers whether internal or external.

That’s not ADHD, that’s a dick

The point is, your manager has a legal duty to make reasonable adjustments for a disabled employee, but they also have a legal duty to protect you, as an employee, from undue work-related stress.

You can't dictate what adjustments should or shouldn't be made for your colleague, not least because you aren't party to their medical details or what recommendations may have been made by occupational health etc.

What you can talk about, with appropriate knowledge and conviction, is the impact that current working practices are having on your own health and wellbeing. It isn't about making things personal or assigning blame. It is about advocating for yourself and for what you need in the workplace to function at your best.

If you frame the issue in terms of the impact on you and your stress levels, then your manager will need to consider that carefully and assess whether changes need to be made in order to tackle the aspects of your job which are impacting on your wellbeing. If you go in with the focus on your colleague being treated differently, then they might just shrug it off as being a case of you not understanding why reasonable adjustments need to be made.

You can ask what you want.

ask for the moon on a stick if you want.

in theory businesses have to make reasonable adjustments and while some businesses are great others are less so.

in practice it tends to come down to how valuable you are as an employee or how inclusive they are trying to be.

but yes not doing phone calls is a common reasonable adjustment request for all sorts of reasons. And it gets granted quite a lot.

someone with situational mutism for example who sometimes cannot speak due to stress would probably get granted it.

Situational mutism overlaps with autism but not all autistic people have situational mutism and not all people who have situational mutism are autistic.

https://reframingautism.org.au/all-about-situational-mutism-a-guide-for-allies/

To clarify I have severe ADHD and it affects my ability to think and behave like a normal person. The majority of people who have ADHD don’t advertise it because it’s embarrassing and affects others how others perceive you, so you keep it to yourself. And try harder, and live in a state of hyper vigilance in case anyone clocks how weird you are.

no one with genuine ADHD advertises it as a cute quirk or a superpower because it’s debilitating and stress inducing. If someone is claiming adhd as an excuse for incompetence I’d ask them if they have an official diagnosis

Thank you for sharing.

There is no way I'd ask this individual if they had an official diagnosis.

I very rarely tell my colleagues that I have adhd either. But I have worked with people previously who do choose to declare it, and I don't think that necessarily means that they don't have it or have self diagnosed. I also don't think it is necessarily used as a cover for incompetence.

I used to line manage a person who was very open about her adhd, but she had developed amazing coping skills that actually made her way more efficient than her colleagues. To the point that I wondered initially whether she genuinely had adhd, until she shared more about her experiences and her own personal journey.

Everyone is different. The symptoms won't present in the same way for everyone, and coping strategies won't be the same for everyone either. I would never assume that everyone with adhd experiences it in the same way that I do.

Thank you :) I am ND BTW, I just didn't know you could even ask for that. Which I won't be but it's good to hear about what different adjustments are allowed Etc. For people with different needs.

Saying that though, if it bothered me that much, I don't think I'd go for a job where I would have to do that. There are a lot of jobs that are primarily through teams due to people working from home Etc.

What happens if you don't like teams calls?

Wish I could make that an adjustment 🤣🤣🤣🤣 they would never, we don't have bosses on site and we need it for meetings. I hate seeing my stupid face on screen lol.

If you aren’t their manager then you can’t do anything about it

That said I get your frustration and I’m AUDHD!

On my version of Teams you can hide your own face - other people can see you but you can’t see yourslef (so distracting!!). Right click on your picture and there should be an option to stop seeing your own camera feed).

i have adhd and much prefer emails or instant messages over calls as i then have a record of what was discussed as its easy to look back on than trying to remember details of a phone call and that has been accepted as a reasoanable adjustment by manager.

if one of my colleagues raised this and my manager discussed MY personal adjustments with colleagues I would hit the fucking roof as its no ones business, my manager has to deal with this without disclosing the reasons even if it is known that i have adhd

This is the typical HR corporate response but it is also the kind of scenario that kills morale in the office. If people see others doing very little and getting away with it they start to do the same and the entire workplace culture changes.

You can't ignore human nature, it's a massive influence on behaviour.

I sort of understand where this person is coming from as someone who also has ADHD. I hate phone calls, I find it difficult to verbalise what I'm thinking on my feet and I forget what's been said easily. It doesn't mean I refuse phone calls. I just make notes and follow up with an email to clarify and summarise what was said so I have a record of it.

I also find it difficult when people drop last minute tasks on me because I could easily spend too much time faffing with that and forget my actual job. It's part of having a job to do this though and I don't refuse.

Everyone has limitations, you have to do what you can to help yourself if you're going to expect everyone else to make allowances.