ADHD or just personal preference?

[SummerStrolls]

I work with someone who says they have ADHD.

This manifests in different ways: they won't use spreadsheets, they won't pick up the phone to make a call, they only really use instant messaging at work (often very bluntly), won't veer from the set tasks they have for the day/take any last minute requests and they won't do anything that isn't in their job description.

There are five of us in the team, but we all have to adhere to this individual's way of working, which doesn't seem fair.

I get the feeling our manager is scared of upsetting them in case they complain to HR.

AIBU to question how much of this is actually ADHD and how much is just their personal preference?

Adaptability and flexibility is required in a vast number of jobs.
If the person is unable to do that I wonder if they are suited to the job. Reasonable adjustments are precisely that, reasonable. No employer is required to make unreasonable ones.

By contrast, I'm dyspraxic and find Trello really, really hard to use... I wonder whose 'reasonable adjustment' would come first if I was in your team?

By and large, when my dyspraxic traits affect the way I work, I just have to cope and try harder. There's only so much my employer can reasonably do for me, and I do accept that. My manager is very good at allocating work in a way that plays to the team's individual strengths, though.

Tbh, that screams ASD rather than ADHD but I'm just splitting hairs.

So talk to your manager.

But don't phrase it as ADHDColleague does this or won't do this etc. Because your manager may quite reasonably respond to say that what your colleague does or doesn't do is not your concern.

Instead, focus on your own particular challenges in the workplace.

I struggle with responding to last minute requests because....

It would help me to confirm the details of xyz in a telephone call because...

I'm struggling to cover events on my non-work days because...

But it is my concern because I or other members of the team have to pick up the slack where they are not doing their job.

It's up to you if you want to take on last minute requests with a short deadline. You seem to be suggesting that just because this is how you've decided to work so should your colleague.

You want to make a call, they'd rather have any email. So send the email? I don't understand how it disadvantages you to put things in writing. It's good business practice.

I don't understand how them storing work on a shared drive causes delays. Can't you open it from the shared drive? Good business practice is NOT to have different copies of the same document circulating.

Why should they be flexible with their agreed working days? This possibly has nothing to do with reasonable adjustments and instead could be about them having better contractual terms than you. Presumably, you negotiated the terms of your own contact.

Do they get paid more than you? Do you feel like you're working harder than them? To be honest, your complaints seem to be quite petty.

Sounds like they are completely unsuitable for the job they have been employed to do.

Thank you for sharing that. This is where I struggle to understand what's the individual's personal preference vs their ADHD.

ADHD is an extremely complex condition.

In some cases it manifests that the person with it will use spreadsheets, sometimes even more than normal, but typically the right amount, and in some cases they will use fewer spreadsheets, and often none at all.

For me, the fact a member of your team is so inflexible as to 'not be able' to take on any last minute or urgent or unforseen work is the biggest issue here. The rest of the team will ALWAYS, therefore, be the ones picking up additional work.

There's a person like this is my team and their ADHD/ASD does not preclude them from being able to pick and choose what work they do. They kicked off massively when it was decided that ALL team members had to answer phone calls from the general public on a rota basis and claimed they weren't able to do this because of their conditions. However, because the role was deemed a 'customer facing' one, they weren't able to simply elect not to do it.

If making and receiving calls is deemed to be a part of the role, it's your manager's fault that this particular employee is able to seemingly pick and choose what work they do and how they do it. They're clearly being allowed to dictate their own job description with impunity because of weak management.

I think that’s the crux of the matter, ie, you think they do ‘the bare minimum’. Everyone else is pulling together, responding to last minute requests, getting work done, reacting to business needs, etc and yet they’re just plodding along in their own sweet merry way, and because of their adhd, are ‘protected’ from any sort of intervention. Anyone else, you’d say, ‘come on Joan, can we have that report by end of the day’ but you’re unable to say this to your colleague.

The nature of the business is fast paced. I don't particularly like last minute requests - and neither does anyone else in the team - but they're a part of working life.

Your 'so send an email' approach could easily be turned around to 'so make a call.' I do use email and Teams but often find it far simpler to talk things through. It's not an either or for me. For this person it is, and I don't think that's very team spirited.

The issue with the drive isn't that I'm asking for the document, but instead told to search for something (which could have any kind of file name) rather than just receive the link.

I don't know where you work, but I'm in a small team and it would be nice if we all took turns to represent the organisation at events. I'm 99% sure it's part of their job description.

I have no idea what their paid, and that's not my issue. My issue is having to work within their preferred ways, with no regard to anyone else's.

You're missing the point that I'm making.

What your colleague does or doesn't do is not your direct concern, and your manager will quite rightly tell you that it isn't your business.

What is your business are the specific challenges in your own role, which may or may not be directly connected to your colleague's way of working. If you want to be taken seriously, then you need to focus on the things that you are struggling with. Not what everyone else is or isn't doing.

No manager is going to respond well to the complaint of "it isn't fair" because they will know that they have a legal duty to make reasonable adjustments and that they would be breaking the law if they insisted on treating everyone in exactly the same way. However, if you go to them with an outline of the specific challenges that you are facing which need to be addressed, then that might open up a constructive conversation about how to move forward in a way that works for everyone.

This is why people are so skeptical about neurodiversity. Because so often the adjustments are either things that everyone would happen to like, or they seem to cherry pick parts of the job. There was a young woman recently awarded £12k compensation because her company didn’t provide a chill out room at a company party for her to use in case she got overwhelmed.

everyone has parts of their job they don’t like. Nobody likes commuting at rush hour. Lots of people would prefer to work from home.

and yes, I have lots of neurodivergent family
members and I know the conditions are real.

Some of this is a management issue. Some of this is an individual holding firm boundaries (unrelated to ADHD). Some is your preference vs their preference. Some of this is an ADHD issue.

Management issue:
If your team is constantly getting last minute requests (and needing to stay late?) to complete them, this is a management issue. They need to be saying which item is a priority for the day and which items can wait. If your team is required to do out of office events, this needs to be covered contractually. If that out of hours work isn’t being covered fairly amongst the team (which can happen with or without reasonable adjustments), this needs to be sorted by your manager. Not sharing shared documents because they are on the shared system seems perfectly reasonable and if your team is constantly emailing half finished documents to each other, that’s a massive waste of time.

The person with ADHD is doing their job. The bare minimum is fine, it’s what they are paid to do. If the bare minimum from the team isn’t getting through the work, then you have a resource issue and that’s a manager problem. They don’t have to be flexible about their working pattern (nobody does) if it’s not in their contract to do so.

You prefer calls. They prefer instant messaging. Neither is right or wrong it’s just how people work.

You should be able to use Excel as default and they have programs that work with your programs to make it easier for them to work. Reasonable adjustments are things that don’t impact the rest of the team e.g. not liking the sounds in office so being able to wear ear plugs or if they are dyslexic being able to put their work through a program to help them.

Before you go to your manager, you need to work out what is a managerial problem. What is just a person protecting their own boundaries. What is personal preference and what is potentially a reasonable adjustment that doesn’t feel reasonable to you. If you prefer excel and the rest of the business uses excel, it’s reasonable to use excel and the person with ADHD then converts to work in their program of choice.

Can't you see that it's a case of cause and effect?

This person's ways of working have an impact on the rest of the team, meaning we have to complete the work they refuse to do.

I am struggling with my workload because they can't or won't do what they are meant to.

Hmm I was wondering that too. But as @Smorgs pointed out they may have other forms of neurodivergence too…

And yes “reasonable adjustments” have to be reasonable - not just whatever the individual wants because it suits them…..

Why do you have to do the work they refuse to do at the detriment of your own workload? Tell your manager you don’t have the capacity to do it?

My partner has ADHD - getting him to do any paperwork or use a laptop is nearly impossible. He hates phone calls although he hates texting more. It takes him longer to process written information and verbal is harder. He needs strict routine and structure otherwise he just gets distracted and nothing is done. Last minute changes stress him a lot. It is irritating but yes I can see this being ADHD on the more severe end.

I imagine the difficulty they face with phone calls and last minute assignments is slow processing and lack of short term memory.

It might be that stopping their work to send you a file throws them off and it takes them a long time to get back into what they were doing.

I understand your frustration though.

This is a good point! I guess that's just how I'm wired - I find it hard to say no. Which brings its own challenges!

I’m disabled (not adhd)

I provided my manager and have on file at HR my diagnoses plus reports from my consultant.

I was referred to an occupational health service (doctors who deal with health in working circumstances) who recommended various reasonable adjustments for me.

you will find that if you ask for medical details for your colleague you will not be entitled to see them (gdpr) nor will you be permitted to see the occupational health report.

adjustments such as email rather than phone calls etc are fairly common.

it isn’t always possible for each team member to do a fair share of every single task the team does and employers are usually happy to do small adjustments.

i doubt you will get anywhere trying to force your colleague to work exactly like you do.

if you are having issues with workload/timings etc you need to raise it with your manager - who will know what occupational health have said for your colleague

This is really helpful, thank you.

I wouldn't get away with any of this at work 🤣🤣🤣 I have reasonable adjustments to do my job, not avoid doing tasks! And I certainly do not put work onto other people.

If I didn't do any of those things, I would not be in a job!

I use excel for reports for my work.

Is this post even real? How would they still be in a job if they can't do it?