This is rhetorical because I know I am not and if anyone says I am I will flounce. But am I being unreasonable when we are totally skint and facing complete financial meltdown to insist that dp gets his inheritance from his brother

[twinsetandpearls]

I have posted on this topic before dp brother has our inheritance which is a very large sum of money in a bank account, it has been there for months and he keeps finding excuses not to hand it over.

We need the money to start our new life, we were carers to dp mother and her partner and so had to live here. His mother knew we wanted to move away and said she hoped we would use the money to start a new life. Expecting the money we put our house on the market, we have new jobs and are ready to go in a few months.

Except his brother still has the money, we have used all our savings up getting things ready to sell, travelling up and down to Dorset as well as my medical bills. We are now down to about thirty pound to last to the end of the month.

Dp has his head buried in the sand, I have just said to him in a very calm manner if you do not get that money of your brother we are in trouble and maybe the fact that we can't afford to eat as of next week will motivate you to get that money. Dp has now walked out slamming all of the doors in the house on the way.

We are supposed to be going to Dorset in a few weeks and paying a deposit on a house so we have an address and can get dd into a school. If we do not have that money we can't get somewhere to live and dd has no school. We will have no momey for removals vans or moving expenses but we have to leave as I have a job there but at the end of August no job here.

Your BIL sounds like a twat and your DP needs to realise that if he doesn't get a backbone the new life he wanted isn't going to come to pass.

Simple - see a solicitor tomorrow. Alone.

Yes we have the papers saying that BIL was the executor and would split his mothers estate and hand half to dp.

How can I see a solicitor, I am not mentioned in the paperwork, I am not married to dp. All we have legally is a joint mortgage.

Dp only seems to have backbone with me.

Phew you have the papers

You need to sit dp down and tell him how you feel

Give him a week to sort it out and if he doesn't tell him that you and him will go and see a solicitor with the papers

If he does nothing for that week then really do you want to be with him if he won't do this for his family?

Sorry that sounds harsh but i am very on your behalf

I am very on my behalf.

I will say exactly that to him.

It just all feels so callous falling out over money.

So does that mean that the executor has the power to decide not to 'release' the money? And he has taken that path?

Does it require his signature before the bank will let your dp withdraw the money, and he is basically refused.

Has he given any reason? Or is it just open warfare over money now?

You can see a solicitor on your own and explain it clearly, just like you have here, they will give you advice (at a price!)

They won't be able to act for you (and wouldn't, even if you were married), only your DP, but they will be able to tell you exactly where you stand/what you need to do.

Although, if you book an appt and tell DP, do you think he would come with you? Or just refuse to deal with it?

show him this thread.

HE is being unreasonable, not you, if in fact he wants to start this new life.

I keep showing dp mumsnet threads to show him he is being unreasonable he is developing a fear of the internet!

does your dp and BIL have a dad around? Or sister? Or does BIL have a nice wife? can you have a word in soneone's ear about how sint you are, how unreasonable BIL is being and maybe they can talk to him?

No dad was killed in a fire about ten years ago now.

BIL has a very wife who does what her husband says and does not want to get involved. I don't know either of them that well.

Dp does not really see his family as they are a rum bunch, mostly in and out of prison or just drifting through life.

The bottom line is that BIL is acting illegally by witholding the money. As Administrator of the estate he his charged with dividing it equally. Your dh needs to get his finger out.

Twinset, your post has made me feel shocked and very sad for you. Recently my mum and dad got a will but it has named my brother as either an executor or a power of attorney - Iam very confused as he is also a benefactor - he is a self serving bully tbh and very money-minded. DH furious that I have signed (something) agreeing with this.My dad adamant it is all fair and will be 50-50.When I queried my brother possibly being in a position to NOT give money owed Dads eyes filled up as if to say how could you even question him? er, because he is a self serving ----?? so then I felt guilty and shut up even though I didnt understand. So,my heart goes out to you, I understand what it is like to be backed into a corner.I know some people reading this will think I am an idiot for signing this but I have a very messed up family situation and tread on eggshells at all times around my parents trying to not upset the applecart in case they stop contact with the kids again. I could kick myself now though. I hope to god you get what is owed to you quickly.

Freckly, do your parents stop contact with your children if they fall out with you? That's awful. I sympathise with your situation and being backed into a corner by these double dealings. What reason have they given for not making you an executor as well?

OP, I haven't read the whole thread but is your partner totally committed to your relationship? Could he be holding out on getting the money, because he is trying to stop you having a claim on it? Sorry if this is tactless, just trying to get to the bottom of it.

in fact this post has riled me so much I am goin to have it out with my dad and mum- so I understand what he can actually do .I expect lots of wailing and accusations of me being nasty and suspicious. Thank you for sharing Twinset.

PS
Unfortunately they have done rosevie in past but it is normally led by my mum.It does upset older one (ds aged 5). Families!!
FWIW I think Twinset'spartner just cannot face the reality of what his brother has done: has he come back yet? what a horrid, horrid situation to be in.

PS
Unfortunately they have done rosevie in past but it is normally led by my mum.It does upset older one (ds aged 5). Families!!
FWIW I think Twinset'spartner just cannot face the reality of what his brother has done: has he come back yet? what a horrid, horrid situation to be in.

He has come back.

He is commited to our relationship I just don't think he wants to face up to what a twat his brother is being and the consequences of dp naivety for our family.

I do not mean to be harsh but wills can bring out the nastiness in any family. We cannot speculate over the right or wrong of your situation. On MN you will get only sympathy and impartial advice.

In this situation you need to see a solicitor.

It sounds like a nightmare, twinset, no useful advice but much sympathy for all the stress, also to freckly.

I know hf128219 and tbh I did not start the thread asking for legal advice but to vent. I do feel that dp needs to stand up to his brother and wanted to see if others felt the same.

I hope your situation resolves itself freckly without too much stress.

What papers do you have? You see if there was no will there can be no executors - you only get executors with a will. If there's no will you have administrators - are you sure you BIL has shown you genuine court doc? They would have an impressed seal on.

When someone dies intestate it doesn't all automatically get split 50/50 between the children, it depends on the amount of the estate left.

Has you BIL been issued with "Letters of Administration" by the local probate office? If not, he's not got the right to collect and share out the estate, unless the estate is really tiny, when no Letters of Admin are needed.