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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my sister is resentful since I had a baby?

59 replies

Travellingpantss · 24/05/2026 22:04

We’re 3 sisters - I am the youngest. A year ago I had DD, my two sisters have no children chose not to. Before DD, me and eldest sister were very very close, did everything together went on holiday told each other everything etc etc. I also was the one who ferried her around as she doesn’t drive and it would always be me she would call to go out when her first option (her DH) wasn’t available.. then DD was born and it all changed. She’s told me twice that I talk too much about DD then when she realised that was quite rude she tried to pass it off as a ‘joke’.
‘She barely comes round to see her niece even though she literally lives 5 minutes around the corner and rarely asks about her.
but then she has told middle sister that she feels I have made her feel bad and upset that she doesn’t have any children and that our mum and dad ‘favouritise’ me because I gave them a grandchild and that isn’t fair.
well she doesn’t come to see mum and dad (they live with me) and hardly ever did even before my DD was born. There’s no favouritism but I think she feels she is competing with a 16 month old baby, which quite frankly is sad - she’s a 44 year old woman.
AIBU to think she’s quite selfish and to confront her about it

OP posts:
MarmaladeorJam · 27/05/2026 01:41

Travellingpantss · 24/05/2026 22:04

We’re 3 sisters - I am the youngest. A year ago I had DD, my two sisters have no children chose not to. Before DD, me and eldest sister were very very close, did everything together went on holiday told each other everything etc etc. I also was the one who ferried her around as she doesn’t drive and it would always be me she would call to go out when her first option (her DH) wasn’t available.. then DD was born and it all changed. She’s told me twice that I talk too much about DD then when she realised that was quite rude she tried to pass it off as a ‘joke’.
‘She barely comes round to see her niece even though she literally lives 5 minutes around the corner and rarely asks about her.
but then she has told middle sister that she feels I have made her feel bad and upset that she doesn’t have any children and that our mum and dad ‘favouritise’ me because I gave them a grandchild and that isn’t fair.
well she doesn’t come to see mum and dad (they live with me) and hardly ever did even before my DD was born. There’s no favouritism but I think she feels she is competing with a 16 month old baby, which quite frankly is sad - she’s a 44 year old woman.
AIBU to think she’s quite selfish and to confront her about it

Before I had my children I was always delighted for friends who had a baby but sad too.

Happy for them, and happy to watch them transform.

My sadness was about the (necessary) recalibration of our relationship.

Observing you with the baby may hold some uncomfortable feelings for her.

Be generous.

MarmaladeorJam · 27/05/2026 01:46

Rubyofftherails · 25/05/2026 18:26

This, why are posters intent on inferring that the OP's sister is jealous? Why are some parents unable to comprehend that we are not jealous in the slightest, we are simply sick of listening to a one-sided monologue of baby talk that certain parents- not all I hasten to add- inflict on us. We have chosen not to have them for a reason and are happy and fulfilled in our choices not to. I do believe that there is some serious underlying resentment from parents who insist we must be plagued with jealously when other women procreate around us.

Show quote history

A little self absorbed there are we?

Why paint what is probably a complicated, complex relationship into an unpleasant binary?

Women with children will talk about them. Career women will talk career. Women with a new man will talk about him. Basically - women, and men will share their current experience of life with those close to them. It is not abnormal.

BiteSizedLife · 27/05/2026 05:50

Do not "confront" her. It will serve no gain. Just sounds like those moments in reality TV where the producers set people up on a topic and the participants say "I just need to have it out with her once and for all" (cue massive argument that has no benefit to anyone or progress on the issue at hand)

The parental favouritism thing - is she mistaking closeness for davouritism? Obviously as the one caring for your parents you will naturally have a closer relationship

hellomylov3 · 27/05/2026 05:52

You having your baby is definitely not the problem..your sister is. Having your dd has just highlighted that your dsis is a self absorbed , entitled person. She was like that before you had your baby but maybe it's only now that you are realising this. She is probably feeling guilty for not helping with your Mum, not visiting often etc. But she has made her bed. Id give her a wide berth. Enjoy your dd 🥰

sunshinestar1986 · 27/05/2026 06:27

icouldholditwithacobweb · 25/05/2026 08:33

I'm childfree (by choice) and some friendships fell off when friends had babies, because it can be difficult to retain meaningful friendships with new parents when you don't have kids yourself. This is by no means true of all new parents, of course.

On my side, it can be exhausting having to listen to parents talk about their children like they're the only thing in the world, you can't have proper conversations because you're constantly interrupted because the parents have to attend to the baby, nobody asks about you or your life because all they want to talk about is the baby, nobody wants to do anything without their baby, sometimes you get those 'you'll never know love like this' or whatever comments which are so patronising, and more besides. I can't relate to baby stuff, because I don't have kids and I'm just not that interested in seeing hundreds of photos of a baby doing nothing in particular or listening to parents talk about baby woes while never having any interest in anything happening in my life.

I get that this is natural behaviour, and that they just had the most important thing in the world come into their lives. I'm always delighted for my friends who have their much-wanted babies. But it does change the dynamic significantly - new parents often just don't care much about anything outside of their babies, and your sister may be struggling with that and grieving the relationship with you that she's lost. Meanwhile, you couldn't care less because you just had a new baby and everything's probably about the baby and she's feeling all kinds of things. Both sides are valid here.

Change that to new parents don't have energy for anything else, I'm waiting to give birth to my very much wanted 3rd child and at the same time realising with a sick feeling, more sleepless nights and constant breastfeeding.
You best believe I'd love to be able to occasionally get out of the house and spend time without a baby, but that ain't gunna happen realistically until baby is about a year
So yeah
What else am I gunna talk about except how tired and exhausted I am 🤣

Boomer55 · 27/05/2026 07:42

Many childless, by choice, people get fed up if parents bang on endlessly about their children, and she perhaps feels you have nothing much else to talk about other than that. Which is understandable, but of little interest to her.

CurdinHenry · 27/05/2026 09:02

Wiennetta · 26/05/2026 21:10

This is such a strange comment. Lots of people choose not to have children not because they don’t ‘like them very much’ but because of many other reasons. Many people enjoy spending time with their family and friends who have children but just don’t want their own - it might be because they don’t feel they can give a child a good life, because they don’t want to give up their career, free time, hobbies, financial stability etc etc.

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Yes but many, many people who choose not to have children simply do not like children. The whole "oh I love spending TIME with children I just don't want any of my own" is often a polite lie.

HelenHan67 · 27/05/2026 09:22

I couldn't possibly comment on this fairly without hearing her perspective.

Seriously12 · 27/05/2026 09:30

OP, unlike your sister, accept things have changed.
Do not confront her.
It is a good thing that you are no longer so close to such a spectacularly selfish, self absorbed toddler.

Invest in others, make mum friends and enjoy your baby.

She is unreasonable but you can't change her.

Confronting will change nothing.
This is who she is.

Do not try and resume lifts etc.

Time she found someone else to be her taxi driver.

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