Me vs MIL

[justgreen13]

Hi All,

I probably am being unreasonable but honestly I can’t stop myself from feeling this way.

DH and I have been scaling back as work cut his hours and honestly we are feeling it. MIL is staying with us for a while and I know he feels embarrassed about shopping from Aldi in front of her (she’s very passive aggressive about these things) but honestly it’s all we can do to survive at the minute especially with the kids.

We’ve always had Saturday as our takeout day and the rest of the days I cook. Today being Sunday, I did some chicken with salad and potato’s for lunch and we had leftover food from yesterday for dinner. MIL refused to eat it. DH then jumps up after the meal declaring “oh I’ll get something fresh for you from the takeaway”. Runs out of the house and gets her a Chinese.

AIBU to think you absolute cunt of a man, to be absolutely fine having your children and wife eat on a budget but when it comes to your mum it’s a different story? The worst part is, 2 weeks ago when her highness wasn’t visiting, I was on my period and just CRAVING fish and chips. DH shut it down saying it’s not Saturday we can’t be doing a takeout.

I’m honestly fuming. Can someone please tell me it’s not that big of a deal so I can enjoy the rest of this long weekend please!!

This - just because he said it’s not the right day then it was decided? Just say I don’t care what day it is I want F and C

Next time she turns her nose up just say ‘it’s all we can afford. Would you like some toast?
or feel free to order yourself something.’

Why didn’t you say one of two things at the time: “Oh no Dave you can’t cos it isn’t Saturday and remember you said last week we are only allowed takeaway on a Saturday?” OR “Good idea Dave, I’ll stick this lot in the freezer and we can all have Chinese, mine’s a king prawn chow mein”?

Your MIL sounds very rude.

As someone who has a difficult relationship with a judgemental mother, I have a bit of sympathy for your husband. I am on edge from the moment my mother steps foot in the house, wondering what she’ll criticise and put me down for next. I don’t think he should have run out for a takeaway for her. But I do a lot when my mum is here that I wouldn’t otherwise do. So I understand it a bit.

OP you are saying you are struggling financially but have a family take away once a week!

YABU to be so rude about your MIL and DH. I get the sense there is zero respect in the household. You are modelling behaviour to your kids. Its his mother and can get her a takeaway if he likes to as a grown adult.

There was a woman on TV a few weeks ago saying she couldn't afford a shop for food any more due to the COL crisis with her false nails and hair done up.

I think you should all stop having takeaways full stop. You can hardly be on a budget if you have takeaway every week.

Obviously he was unreasonable getting MiL a takeout. Standard in my house if someone really
doesn’t like a meal is to offer to make them a sandwich instead. If she doesn’t want it just because it’s leftovers then she is extremely unreasonable as a guest. As for complaining about Aldi or being ashamed of it - my brain genuinely can’t get around that one. Why would I go out of my way to pay more for something for no reason? For fair trade or organic or similar, ok it’s a different product- but just a brand??
However, 2 things stand out for me - firstly you say he is dreadful with money. Then you say DH wouldn’t entertain fish n chips because it was the wrong day. So he controls finances then? If I felt that way I might say well I want to do it today instead of Saturday. Why did what he says take precedence? If he is running the finances, deciding what can or cannot be bought, I’d get hands on involved. Someone bad with finances shouldn’t be in charge. And like everyone else has said, either things are not that bad or you really shouldn’t be doing takeouts at all - it’s bad money management. Look up some fakeaway recipes to get your fix. Also, whilst his hours are reduced, can you increase yours?
I can’t help feeling this specific situation covers more general resentment you have.

"cunt"
"old bat"

Sounds like rudeness all round.

I’m a MIL and I think your MIL is being horribly bratty looking down her nose at Aldi (stupid woman!) and then not eating the food you’d provided. Imagine the scene if you did that when you visited her house?

She could have made herself a sandwich rather than accepting the offer of a takeaway if she really didn’t fancy what you’d made.

I don’t know how much my adult kids earn (although one set definitely earn a lot more due to their different careers) but even though I’m on a very meagre pension, I still offer to treat them when I visit and we all muck in together for other meals.

Your DH blew the budget to appease his mum which is utterly ridiculous.

I’d be refusing her to visit next time and telling her exactly why we can’t afford to host her for the foreseeable.

To make you feel better so you can enjoy this long weekend, you ate more healthily than she did.

A weekly takeaway?! Wouldn't say things are that tight. YABU to call them names too

I didn’t realise that shopping from Aldi is an embarrassment 🫨😆

Did your MIL sit there and eat her takeaway in front of you all?