Me vs MIL

[justgreen13]

Hi All,

I probably am being unreasonable but honestly I can’t stop myself from feeling this way.

DH and I have been scaling back as work cut his hours and honestly we are feeling it. MIL is staying with us for a while and I know he feels embarrassed about shopping from Aldi in front of her (she’s very passive aggressive about these things) but honestly it’s all we can do to survive at the minute especially with the kids.

We’ve always had Saturday as our takeout day and the rest of the days I cook. Today being Sunday, I did some chicken with salad and potato’s for lunch and we had leftover food from yesterday for dinner. MIL refused to eat it. DH then jumps up after the meal declaring “oh I’ll get something fresh for you from the takeaway”. Runs out of the house and gets her a Chinese.

AIBU to think you absolute cunt of a man, to be absolutely fine having your children and wife eat on a budget but when it comes to your mum it’s a different story? The worst part is, 2 weeks ago when her highness wasn’t visiting, I was on my period and just CRAVING fish and chips. DH shut it down saying it’s not Saturday we can’t be doing a takeout.

I’m honestly fuming. Can someone please tell me it’s not that big of a deal so I can enjoy the rest of this long weekend please!!

Is he irresponsible with money or just desperate to please his mum?
I'd be annoyed to OP. I'd be asking him why he thinks his wife should go without but the family money can be spent on his mum.

If you want to not feel like you are dwelling on this, I suppose the way to deal with it is to realise he feels judged by her and ashamed, whereas he feels more open with you.

Although I'd enjoy being the one with the takeaway, I'd also rather not be the one he feels judged by in his relationship with me ... so there's that.

@JLou08He’s awful with managing money and yes, spot on about always wanting to please the old bat. Thank you and @CalliopespaI suppose that’s a good way of trying to get over it, just so bloody annoyed 😒

Yes it is awful but…

equally you’re not completely on the bones of your arse and barely able to survive because you’re still having a takeaway once a week. If it was that bad you’d be cooking on a Saturday night and saving yourself £60

yanbu, why is she too good to not eat the same dinner as everyone else? Why didn’t you say it’s not Saturday ? I would be absolutely angry at this.

I think you are over reacting a bit here especially bringing out the awful c word (honestly awful word, makes my skin crawl)

if you can have a takeaway once a week then you are not on the bones of your arse? That’s more than I’d expect someone with plenty money having and if we didn’t have the money it would the the first thing I would drop.

also seems like more to the story if him getting his mum something is that bad. Do you know if he paid for it definitely and it wasn’t his mum? Even so it’s a treat for his mum so I honestly don’t see why it’s so bad

Well your mil is a guest and l think we always do our best for guests so l think that's OK. You seem to have little respect for her.
And there is absolutely no shame in shopping in Aldi..l am not broke but happy to shop there as l like some of their stuff.

Nothing wrong with shopping in Aldi. If she made a comment, I’d be saying well you’re more than welcome to do the food shopping for us!! Why is she staying with you, is she paying her way?

Sorry votee wrong. He sounds pretty weak and not nice. Sorry 💐

Take away once a week. !!! I wish I could afford that.

And there is nothing wrong with shopping in Aldi

She sounds a nightmare, but I voted YABU as the power some mothers have over their adult children is a difficult one to address when you're the adult child. So it's not a simple choice for them.

YANBU at all. Why and for how long is she staying with you? Did she refuse to eat the leftovers purely because it was leftovers? I would be furious with your DH, and also lose some respect for a man who panders so much to his mother at the expense of his DW and DC.

She's rude and ungrateful and he's a selfish manchild

It’s annoying but it’s not a big deal. I’d be more annoyed that she doesn’t contribute to her own food, why can’t she buy her own take away?

I voted YANBU, I'd be furious at DH too. Your MIL is ungrateful and rude too.

Are you still having takeaways every Saturday? I just ask as that isn't scaling back! If you are, surely once per month for a takeaway is much better financially?

We rarely get takeaways so weekly sounds very frequent to me!

Agreed, take away once a week and switching to shopping at aldi isn’t really ‘poor us struggling on a budget’ it’s just a little bit of cutting back like most of us are doing. We don’t even manage a take away monthly at the minute

It’s unclear to me why you have so much hate for your MIL, but I’ll assume there’s some astonishing backstory.

My confusion is why did your husband not just… make something else? Why was the takeaway his only option? I love a takeaway as much as the next person (probably more), but despite being pricey it’s not exactly posh is it, so I’m unsure how this plays with the judgey MIL dynamic?

I can’t resist but join everyone in saying a takeaway a week sounds extremely frivolous to me, but that’s by the by - it’s your money, spend it how you like.

@justgreen13 she had already had a dinner at lunch time. So she should have been happy with last nights leftovers OR said she’d make do with some cheese on toast or whatever and a cuppa.

No! Your husband should not have gone to get a fresh takeout for her. He has allowed his unreasonable mother to dictate in your house.

How long is she staying for and is she contributing financially whilst with you?

YANBU OP.

You are not being unreasonable at all about the MIL situation.

’all we can do to survive at the moment’ followed by talking about having a weekly takeaway was hilarious though. Come on now.

@justgreen13 I can’t stand anyone moaning about food that has been served to them or offered to be served to them. Precisely because it’s being served to them!

Lately, I’ve really gone off chicken and salmon. However my DH cooks at the weekend (Fri - Sun) so whatever he serves the family, including chicken and salmon I’ll do my best to eat it as he’s gone to the trouble of shopping and cooking. I’d never tell him I wasn’t happy to eat it.

It’s a real bug-bear of mine, people snubbing others hospitality and making things harder for others.

Tell her to just f**king eat it or sort herself out! Or better still, go home!

Agree. I can't stand aubergine (make me gag) went to vist my lovely cousin recently who served up stuffed aubergine (worst luck) gave it my best shot though and didn't say anything

I would have a serious chat with my DH if he did this - why is he pandering to her like this? And her being snobby about budget supermarkets and left overs is bonkers - I would be telling her that is what is for lunch and too bad if she doesn't like it.

Not very sensible to spoil the weekend over something pretty trivial. To call him a cunt is vile. . Shes a guest . Most of us try to be nice to guests even if they are a bit difficult -except obviously if they are mother in laws. That makes a huge difference. They immediately become old bats , entitled and need to go home at once.
We don't have take aways at all but you can make your own very nice fish and chips.

Wow. My Mil would insist on paying for groceries and taking us out/ordering in so I can't relate. We always have to fight her because she's too generous.

I would be upfront with Mil and say that since your son works less hours we have less money so we have to cut our cloth accordingly. If you're not happy with Aldi or my cooking here's ubereats for you at your expense.

@justgreen13 Your DH is a dick.

YABU for calling her an old bat.