Was I being unreasonable to ask to move to a different section of the restaurant today?

[WhiteWidowWithAttitude]

So I’m going to start off by saying that I honestly don’t think I’m being unreasonable, but this was so mad as to almost be unbelievable so I had to get some other opinions. Also, I don’t live in the UK, so on a completely different time zone, hence why it might appear that I’ve already been for Sunday lunch, far too early!

Anyway, went to a hotel/pub/restaurant today for Sunday lunch with three of my children (two early teens, one aged 20). It’s one of those places where you can choose to eat in the bistro area, outdoor beer garden or sports bar. We booked a table because it’s usually busy on a Sunday, and chose the bistro. It’s child friendly. The sports bar is more adult friendly (minors can sit there but have to be accompanied at all times), and the outdoor beer garden is for anyone, but is in close proximity to the smoking area, so you do get whiffs of it a fair bit.

We had been seated about 15 minutes, had our drinks and were looking at the menu, when nearby we heard someone “playing” a recorder. I say “playing”, because there was no discernible tune, just random blasting away. We all looked at each other, then glanced around and saw a table, a little bit behind us, with a man and woman, and two young boys aged about 3 and 4. Sure enough, one of them was enthusiastically tooting away on a multicoloured recorder. I was half expecting the mum/dad/guardian to tell them to stop. My kids weren’t exactly enjoying it (neither was I), but I said “don’t worry, I’m sure they’ll stop in a minute”, and he did. Only to whip out a fucking tambourine. At this point I did actually say “who the hell let’s their kids bring instruments to a restaurant?”

Other patrons started to glance over, and a table of three women who had just came in and sat down, who hadn’t even been served drinks yet, made some not so quiet comments and got up and just left. My eldest had just gone to use the bathroom, and it went quiet for a moment (he suffers quite badly from misophonia so was really probably affected the most out of all of us) and I was thinking “phew, it’ll be all good when he comes back”, when it started up again, and I shit you not, they had started up with a harmonica as well. So by this point it was pretty unbearable!

I got up and went over to one of the staff and said “could we be moved to a different eating area please? We are X party over there.” She looked a bit sheepish and said, “well sure, however there are also children in the bar and garden area” - I hadn’t even said why I wanted to move! So I just said, “oh I don’t have an issue with that - anything will be better than the one man band!” She stifled a laugh and moved us to the first table outside the bar, in the beer garden. It was generally noisier and I could kind of smell a little bit of smoke, but was heaven in comparison to the melee we had just been listening to!

So I suppose my question is, firstly was IBU to ask to be moved, secondly, would anyone think it’s reasonable to pack musical instruments for their very young children as a means of entertainment whilst eating at a restaurant, and finally, should the staff have asked the parents to stop them? I’m 100% not one of the MN “children shouldn’t be allowed in restaurants” kid haters, I understand that children get restless and need entertainment, I’m not even against a bit of Bluey very quietly on an iPad without earphones if your child won’t wear them (which I never personally did, but totally understand that parents need a breather sometimes), but a recorder, tambourine and fucking harmonica? If I hadn’t been there myself I don’t think I’d have believed it, but I was!

The meal ended up being lovely, so overall not spoiled, (other than the whiffs of smoke), but I just feel that we, if anyone, shouldn’t have had to be the ones who moved.

Sorry , but it’s irrelevant how much waiting staff get paid. They should be able to politely ask a guest to moderate their behaviour. If they get verbally abused as a result, it would be distressing even if they got paid double that amount.

I dont think the poster was saying you should have to put up with shit behaviour. ‘Putting up with” is different to being able to handle it.And sadly, anyone in problem facing roles needs to be trained in how to do this. But your ability to cope in the face of abuse is not linked to how much you are paid per hour.

Was the extra word "FFS"? 😁
Completely 100% NBU! You are the paying customer, and you weren't paying for a primary school concert. If the venue has enough room, they should move you if you ask.

This. There’s a time and a place for musical instruments and it’s not in the restaurant. I suppose the parents thought it’d be charming for other patrons to hear this racket or thought it was an acceptable form of entertaining them.

Do you think anyone would find it unreasonable? That you wanted to move?

Nobody can play a recorder in a fashion that would seem appealing. And the tambourine probably made the cacophony all the worse.

I would have told the staff why. You'd hope they'd realise to tell them to stop if they're clearing out an entire section.

Ok, I’ve realised I was NBU to ask to move. Actually, I’ve never considered having to acquiesce to not BU 😂.

And actually, it was the harmonica that was the final straw haha. Or maybe all three at the same time tbh.

Weirdly, I am in a very confrontational front line role in my work (and have come from an even more confrontational role), so have no issue in taking control of a situation and directing people in how to act. And my kids know this, and respect me for it.

But it just didn’t feel right approaching this family myself, as I felt like it may have caused unnecessary confrontation and would definitely have left my children feeling extremely uncomfortable in a social situation.

I don’t really know the answer to whether the (young) staff should have asked the parents to stop the impromptu performance. On the one hand it is within their remit, on the other hand, they probably just wanted to get through their shift without any aggro. Neither I, nor the other patrons who either moved or left gave them any real hassle, and they probably thought it easier to just deal with that than confront a (possibly hostile) family. I also saw no hint of any older or more experienced staff/management kicking around to come to their rescue, although surely they would have been there somewhere.

As I said, the food ended up being lovely, the new seats were ok, noisy and occasionally a little smoky, but far better than putting up with a daycare end of term concert, so maybe there are lessons in there for me, or maybe nothing mental like this will happen to us again so I won’t have to ever consider and make these decisions in the future. Thank you all though for your varied and (mostly) reasonable replies. At least I can be firm in the knowledge that I am definitely NBU to not expect a pre-school musical performance while enjoying a civilised Sunday lunch in a decent eaterie!

Frankly the person who is managing the place should have told them to stop making that noise or leave.

I am really sick of these entitled parents who get away with disturbing everyone else and face no consequences.

How can you be oblivious to the fact that your children are making a racket in a restaurant and that that will have an impact on other diners? Similarly you must have been aware your children weren’t staying seated, and if you hadn’t corrected them before you were asked to you obviously didn’t personally care. And yet it’s obvious that children who aren’t made to stay in their seats are not only a hazard to the staff but are probably annoying other diners. You were mortified at having to be told? To be this oblivious to your impact on your surroundings is the exact problem being discussed here. Why are so many adults like this now? What has happened?

We were once in a restaurant having a quiet meal when a birthday party arrived and the parent in charge handed out party bags with whistles in. Wtf, who does that at the start of a meal? Some people don't have the brains they were born with.

You an and should say something to the staff, so definitely ynbu.

I think you are being too charitable honestly. An ipad without headphones because the kid won't wear them shouldn't be played with any sound at all.

The one man band is ridiculous and the restaurant should have asked them to put them away instead of moving you, yes.

Obviously not unreasonable.

The manager should have approached the parents and simply told them that musical instruments, even toy ones, are not allowed to be played because they disturb other patrons. It's not difficult.

I would have left the restaurant rather than expose my kids to cigarette smoke. Mine has asthma so we would never risk it.

really, management should have nixed the recorder playing. That is ridiculous.

THANK YOU!
There's a real patronising attitude from some MNers any time "minimum wage" is brought up where they think they are being supportive but really come across as incredibly condescending when they suggest literally anything beyond the bare minimum of expectation - uo to and including basic politeness - is completely unreasonable to expect of someone who is a competent adult who has free will and has chosen their particular work place.

Minimum wage staff absolutely should not be spoken to rudely or treated like shit - but that's not an issue that's exclusive to low wage work - ive worked as a shop assistant and had far worse said to me in my "professional" jobs and have heard similar from friends and family working as teachers, nurses, police officers, archivist, etc!

Getting paid 20p an hour more doesn't make abuse any easier to deal with - money isnt the issue, senior managers not supporting their staff by backing them up and sanctioning rude customers is.