Was I being unreasonable to ask to move to a different section of the restaurant today?

[WhiteWidowWithAttitude]

So I’m going to start off by saying that I honestly don’t think I’m being unreasonable, but this was so mad as to almost be unbelievable so I had to get some other opinions. Also, I don’t live in the UK, so on a completely different time zone, hence why it might appear that I’ve already been for Sunday lunch, far too early!

Anyway, went to a hotel/pub/restaurant today for Sunday lunch with three of my children (two early teens, one aged 20). It’s one of those places where you can choose to eat in the bistro area, outdoor beer garden or sports bar. We booked a table because it’s usually busy on a Sunday, and chose the bistro. It’s child friendly. The sports bar is more adult friendly (minors can sit there but have to be accompanied at all times), and the outdoor beer garden is for anyone, but is in close proximity to the smoking area, so you do get whiffs of it a fair bit.

We had been seated about 15 minutes, had our drinks and were looking at the menu, when nearby we heard someone “playing” a recorder. I say “playing”, because there was no discernible tune, just random blasting away. We all looked at each other, then glanced around and saw a table, a little bit behind us, with a man and woman, and two young boys aged about 3 and 4. Sure enough, one of them was enthusiastically tooting away on a multicoloured recorder. I was half expecting the mum/dad/guardian to tell them to stop. My kids weren’t exactly enjoying it (neither was I), but I said “don’t worry, I’m sure they’ll stop in a minute”, and he did. Only to whip out a fucking tambourine. At this point I did actually say “who the hell let’s their kids bring instruments to a restaurant?”

Other patrons started to glance over, and a table of three women who had just came in and sat down, who hadn’t even been served drinks yet, made some not so quiet comments and got up and just left. My eldest had just gone to use the bathroom, and it went quiet for a moment (he suffers quite badly from misophonia so was really probably affected the most out of all of us) and I was thinking “phew, it’ll be all good when he comes back”, when it started up again, and I shit you not, they had started up with a harmonica as well. So by this point it was pretty unbearable!

I got up and went over to one of the staff and said “could we be moved to a different eating area please? We are X party over there.” She looked a bit sheepish and said, “well sure, however there are also children in the bar and garden area” - I hadn’t even said why I wanted to move! So I just said, “oh I don’t have an issue with that - anything will be better than the one man band!” She stifled a laugh and moved us to the first table outside the bar, in the beer garden. It was generally noisier and I could kind of smell a little bit of smoke, but was heaven in comparison to the melee we had just been listening to!

So I suppose my question is, firstly was IBU to ask to be moved, secondly, would anyone think it’s reasonable to pack musical instruments for their very young children as a means of entertainment whilst eating at a restaurant, and finally, should the staff have asked the parents to stop them? I’m 100% not one of the MN “children shouldn’t be allowed in restaurants” kid haters, I understand that children get restless and need entertainment, I’m not even against a bit of Bluey very quietly on an iPad without earphones if your child won’t wear them (which I never personally did, but totally understand that parents need a breather sometimes), but a recorder, tambourine and fucking harmonica? If I hadn’t been there myself I don’t think I’d have believed it, but I was!

The meal ended up being lovely, so overall not spoiled, (other than the whiffs of smoke), but I just feel that we, if anyone, shouldn’t have had to be the ones who moved.

To be fair to the staff, they were all quite young - 20 - 25yrs old, and probably didn’t want to get a mouthful for asking the parents to tell their kids to stop. I think anyone with the hide to let their children create a disturbance like that has the potential to react poorly to being challenged.

And yes, I suppose I should/could have approached them myself, and I’m not a shrinking violet, but again, my children would have been embarrassed and I didn’t want to upset them in the process.

I agree. I hate the "only minimum wage" crap that's so often spouted these days. So what? It's STILL their job, regardless of their wage. If they don't like it, and don't want to do the job, then bugger off and let someone else have the job who'll do it properly. Being "only" on minimum wage doesn't let them off doing the job to the required standard.

Was this them OP? Sorry, but I was laughing so much reading your thread.

YANBU to ask to move at all. The staff should have said something to them, especially when multiple tables started getting away from it.

Who the frig takes instruments to a restaurant

Thing is, if nobody tells these kinds of parents that the behaviour is unacceptable and ruining everyone else's day, they probably are completely oblivious and carry on, because, you know, kids will be kids..... Like phones and eating in cinemas, singing along at theatres, people have lost the plot. Do what you like in your own home, coming out into the community requires acceptance of social norms, and not pissing everyone else off. See also dogs licking and barking and jumping up and mothers changing nappies on cafe tables. IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.

Hahahaha. This did make me laugh. Honestly, I think the only thing that could have made it any worse was a brass instrument or a base drum!

They need better training and support. My DD works in retail, its sometimes shit. But also you have to be pretty robust to put up, or not, with some peoples behaviour. They could have asked them to leave, nicely, sorry, we have been asked by several other customers, and we have nowhere else to move them too, so please be quiet or leave the premises. Sorry and goodbye.

The trouble is a lot of weekend staff , at least here locally, are school kids earning a bit of money and don't have the confidence/life experience to do this.

However, there should be a manager on hand to deal with it

The staff always have the manager or proprietor to appeal to.
Deffo leave a critical post about the noise which was ignored by manager.

I've asked to sit elsewhere before. There was a table of adults, loads of booze on their table, kids running around, screaming, absolutley no supervision, as if the waiting staff were there to provide childcare. We asked to be moved.

I mean, even if it was unreasonable for you to move which of course it isn’t….

who cares?

also instruments in a restaurant isn’t great but you can’t control others. You can only control how you react to the situation.

The ideal would be the unreasonable family to be refused service and asked to leave because of their behaviour (bringing such musical instruments is choosing to be unreasonable, very different from a noisy child or loud speech which is not premeditated).

However, low paid staff are not always supported if they act, so I don't blame you for taking the action you did.

I do hate this 'minimum wage' business every time a MNetter posts about a problem in a restaurant or supermarket. And I hate this attitude that working in retail or anything customer facing means you should have to put up with being treated and spoken to like absolute shit by the public, often by the management, etc.

As for saying if they don’t like it/can’t do it they should find something else, let’s be honest nobody chooses to work in retail or hospitality, or any other public facing role for that matter. Most people do it because they need the money and can’t find anything else.

Instead of taking the attitude that staff are paid to put up with being treated like shit, maybe we need to start having less tolerance with some of the absolute entitled arseholes who call themselves customers.

It's all about choices isn't it? They chose to start up a house band in the Bistro, you decided that you'd rather sit elsewhere than ask the staff to ask the parents to stop their children from disturbing the peace of everyone else with musical instruments. But you moved, that was your choice and you weren't unreasonable to make it. If you had chosen to stay and asked the staff to intervene that would have been fine too. Any push back or rudeness on behalf of the family in response to being asked to not stage Live Aid 2026 in the middle of a hotel dining room would then have been referred on to the manager and they would have given the family two choices - instruments away or leave the establishment. People who work in hotels, sadly, have to very regularly ask people to behave properly - they are well-versed in how to handle it.

I hate it
I’m really easy going but I cannot stand the selfish entitlement of this now very common behaviour

Wtaf?

what is wrong with people nowadays?

I’d probably have said something to the family

YANBU

Definitely reasonable to move. Managers need to manage. Young staff should be able to report this to a manager. We try and avoid places like this though. I’m not keen on unruly children and certainly not ones making a loud noise! No wonder restaurants don’t get patronage.

Will always get a stupid simpering parent reply "Oh, they aren't being noisy, my little darlings are exploring their creative side, you could always eat someone where child free." Followed by head tilt and a stupid smile. So you know you are being dismissed from furthur conversation.
Or, there's the rough as a badgers rear end type " Fuck off you snooty bitch"
Both are bad as each other in their own way.

As for saying if they don’t like it/can’t do it they should find something else, let’s be honest nobody chooses to work in retail or hospitality, or any other public facing role for that matter. Most people do it because they need the money and can’t find anything else.

Absolute utter ignorance.

Many people wouldn't work in anything other than public facing roles, because that's what they enjoy!

To be honest I would have asked for the waitress to speak with the family and if uncomfortable (eg young staff) ask if they could speak with the shift manager to speak with them. Totally unreasonable of parents to bring instruments or noisy toys, tablets with sound on etc but absolutely fine to have normal children sounds like talking, a bit of moaning and even overly loud children followed by parents saying “use your indoor voice “. Appropriate toys are quiet toys, puzzle books etc. laughing children is a lovely sound even a toddler singing a nursery rhyme,

Of course its for staff to manage and then call the manager if they get resistance.

The staff should have told them to stop the racket. Nobody wants to listen that!!

If someone had a recorder, trombone and harmonica in a restaurant then I don't see how anyone in the whole world ever could think you were unreasonable to be unhappy about it.

Oh hang on, tambourine, that's worse!

I just didn’t want to listen to a cacophony of pre-school musical instruments. Unfortunately that meant that we ended up having to sit in a section that we hadn’t booked, which resulted in us having to smell second hand smoke during our meal (which was one of the reasons that I booked the bistro in the first place).

In that case I change my vote to YABU. Why would you put up with a table you planned specifically to avoid rather than just ask them to sort it out (“Impressive concert but do you think he could save it til after we have all had our meal? It’s quite noisy “ etc) .

If your Dc would find that embarrassing maybe they need to see examples of calmly standing up for yourself with a reasonable request. And if they resisted, ask management to sort it out.

Another MNer and I were asked by a restaurant to keep our kids sitting down because other diners, with kids, were trying to instil the same. We were mortified at our negligence and made our kids sit down. People can simply be oblivious to the impact of their kids, rather than aggressive thugs.