Is it unreasonable to be frustrated by a guest who says they eat anything when they actually don’t?

[funinthesun22]

My MIL is staying with us over the bank holiday. When I asked in advance what she’d like to eat, she said she eats anything and was happy to have whatever we usually have.

Friday dinner was a vegetable and chickpea but apparently she hates chickpeas and dried fruit in savoury food. Saturday breakfast (yogurt, granola, fruit) didn’t go down well either. I took her to M&S so she could pick things she’d enjoy, but she kept insisting she was fine and didn’t add anything to the basket until I said we’d planned tacos for dinner she said she didn’t know what that was and didn’t sound keen, so we bought an alternative dinner for her.

At lunch I made a salad with homemade dressing. She didn’t like the sound of the dressing and asked for salad cream which we didn’t have. I offered vinaigrette, olive oil, or mayo as alternatives but she turned them all down and had a plain salad. She also asked for a few additions we didn’t have, despite us having been in M&S two hours earlier offering to buy food. We’ve got a BBQ planned today and I’m hopeful now that I know more of her dislikes but still not entirely sure.

AIBU to find this frustrating? I genuinely don’t mind catering to a picky eater. I just need to know what she actually likes. But every time I ask, I get “I’ll eat whatever you’re having” when that’s clearly not the case.

Tell her what meals you have planned for the rest of her stay and ask her what she usually eats at home. Then you can adapt it.

I’m in my 30s and don’t like fancy food. I wouldn’t have liked your chickpea thing but wouldn’t have thought to tell you beforehand because I’d assume you’d make more usual meals. It sounds like your mother in law is the same.

If you’d taken me to the supermarket, I’d have probably said the same as her. I’d assume that you’d have the basics in already. I’d assume you’d already have the basics in like eggs, bread, cereal, etc for breakfast. I don’t need any “special” foods. I wouldn’t have the granola but I’d have just had the yoghurt with some fruit and shut up!

In 2026 it seems ageist to suggest that MIL might not be familiar with the types of food OP prepared.

MIL was untruthful saying she ‘eats everything’. Common (as shown by posters saying things like ‘I’m not fussy but…….’) but annoying!

I am sorry, that does sound quite rude.
I am a pretty fussy eater (although 100x better than I used to be) if you asked me to list all of the things I don’t like, I’d be there all day!

I am also more of a traditional English food eater and have never tried tacos (although I would, in this situation) and would be much happier with a plain salad than with dressing.

If I was your guest I would tell you my absolute cannot eats (nuts, mushrooms, raw onion) and then hope that I can eat enough of what’s provided to be polite.

Whilst shopping I would also have chosen some sides to share so that I can at least make a plateful of food if I don’t think I’ll like the main.

I inadvertently upset my MIL over food, by doing what many have suggested here and asked DH to deal with it. To help him I produced an A4 checklist of all food groups and usual food items, so that when he rang her he could just tick off her preferred food choices and I'd have it for future reference.

When I wasn't looking, he stuck it in an envelope and sent it to her. She was very offended!

Im my 50s and everything sounds great

I don't have salad cream in the house, I have mayo. I like chickpeas in a curry and would love to try the tacos. I like spicy food, I enjoy garlic and onions. I don't see anything weird in these foods

I hate wasting food or even the possibility, I am with you OP.

Fortunately my mother said this and 99% true, which I only found out when I was in my forties and there was no reason why we would have encountered the particular food beforehand.

I font actually think its necessarily an age thing. Dd is clearly heading this route! 🤣🤣

I do think there are people who just haven't experienced a wider variety of food. Our neighbours are older but not super old, fit, active etc. But they just haven't had the same experiences. I offered to give them some home made hummus when he was ill and needing soft foods and they didnt know what it was!

They are lovely people ut have spent their lives in a relatively small area and are very happy with that. Lots of people are like that.

I also think chickpeas - something I like and we est fairly often - is not something I would routinely serve to someone without specifically asking if they like them.

I'm the MIL when I visit a friend of mine. Whenever I go there, they always have something I don't really like. They just like very different foods. I do eat it, but what we have as our daily meals jusy wary so much that it would not even occur to me to mention some of the foods

For me, this is where she got it wrong; all she had to say was "just something English" to cover it fairly well and avoid the fuss

My late, exMIL was like this, but in her case she simply enjoyed the attention around rejecting what had been served ... no idea if yours is similar?

Absolutely agree

Lots of posters with strong food dislikes on this thread.

If the list of things you’d be unwilling to eat is longer than, say 5 things and / or includes whole categories (eg pasta, spicy food), it’d be polite to explain that in advance.

Rude and odd to suggest that the problem is that what the host (OP in this case) eats / offers.

It's a very common misunderstanding- people like to think they are not fussy, and that they would eat any normal food.

I am nowhere her age, but I just wouldn't know how far to go when listing things that I don't like.

Do I have to mention coriander, shitake and wasabi? Or are they eating out ingredients which people don't use at home without active warning?

I don’t think age is much of a factor TBH. I have met people of all ages with restrictive eating patterns.

I feel very sorry for your MIL in this situation. When we have guests round we don’t expect them to sit there and list all the things they do or don’t like, we say this is what we were thinking for food, and they can tell as at that point if anything’s a no and we can change it.
I like most foods, but I’d not be happy with chickpeas for dinner or yoghurt and granola for breakfast. You’re acting like she’s turned her nose up at a roast chicken or eggs and bacon!

I'm under 50 and I'm afraid I had to look up what tacos are. If they are the same as a tortilla wrap then I've probably had them, but really not often.
Having said that, it looks like a bread type thing that I would imagine people who eat bread can eat.

Agree with this.

Someone there had to know she is not adventurous eater. There is nothing wrong with it.
As a host, you adapt. If I have 1 GPs in, I could cook whatever from wherever, but other set of GPs would need very basic meals.
And not just GPs, lots of people keep to foods they know. All over the world.
I would change what I am cooking while my visitor is there because it must be quite uncomfortable to be the odd one out and having different meal. That's what we always did within family. Cater to those visiting.

Where’s my invitation???
I am a proper picky eater. So I’m really clear or I will go shopping/bring my own.
What I won’t do is say I’ll eat anything, when it’s really clear I won’t thereby inconveniencing someone else.

I agree with PP who have said that either she’s conditioned to be polite and not make a fuss or that she will eat anything within her realm of ‘normal food’. I have people like this in my family so I avoid certain things I know they won’t like or ask about specific dishes. My aunt and uncle are a classic example - they order gammon, egg and chips every time we dine out as that is what they’re used to/enjoy. When they visit I know to stick to plain traditional (English if we’re being honest) foods as that’s what they will eat. I just consider it retro.

I think the simplest thing in future would be to stick to things that are widely considered basics/plain. I’m quite broad with my own food choices but I think chickpeas are a bit of an acquired taste and I only started eating tacos when I moved away from home, they certainly were never a staple. I wouldn’t serve these to people without checking first. Ultimately I think just that her tastes are different than yours but if you want a simple life when she stays just stick to the basics for a few days.

I had those little frozen supermarket pizzas in the 90s. When I eventually tasted restaurant pizzas, it was quite a revelation.

My elderly mother is like this. I think it may be an age thing. I cared for her for two and a half months post her knee replacement and I tell you she says "I'm not fussed' - no word of a lie OP even the amount of tea in a mug was wrong. The porridge, soup, toast done wrong etc etc etc. M&S was a good shout as my mother will favour anything from there, good luck with your BBQ.

This is fine but you must realise that this sounds like a very limited palate.

OP had bread, granola, weetabix, readybrek etc. Loads to choose from. Granola is generally very sweet and I treat it akin to sugary cereal. Much prefer muesli I make myself.

It's very normal for meals to start with onion and garlic. Probably around 70% of my dinners do. That covers most pasta sauces like spag bol, most curries (even mild ones), stir fries, chili, lots of soups, tagines, casseroles, stews, tray bakes, tacos/wraps/enchiladas etc. All of the above can be made not spicy at all to very spicy easily enough to suit taste.

Most pizza will have garlic and onion in the pizza sauce. Do you never get garlic bread?

Salad cream has gone out of most younger people's cupboards to the point brands have been considering renaming it or dropping it entirely. I've never bought it in my life and I'm late 30s.

My in-laws are a nightmare with food. They don’t do foreign stuff - this includes spaghetti Bolognaise, rice and anything that isn’t meat, potatoes and veg. Watching them struggle to eat “spicy” chilli while dtds are 2 ate it with no issues (is was basically a tomato sauce with no spice over mince) was infuriating as they’d said “oh we eat anything”. No spice fajitas was equally painful as dfil couldn’t understand how to make a fucking wrap (which primary aged dc had no issues). Years on I know what they eat by my god it took time because they’d never say then they’d turn their noses up at the food. Sorry, nothing helpful to add other than cathartic sympathy.

I completely agree with you and of course all you want to do is for her to have a happy time with you, but it does seem to me that you are trying to have a conversation from two different menu planets? Maybe a better approach might be to ask her "what are your favourites?" If she doesn't feel she knows you well enough to be honest and doesn't want to "cause trouble" or be thought picky? Could you perhaps have a conversation about what you ate when you were a child at home and pull her and your husband into it, it might give you some pointers? I agree it is frustrating when all you want is for a visitor to be happy.

Dh was like this! His mum was horrified when he told her his favourite meal was chicken curry 😂 he’d never even had lasagne or spaghetti bolognaise.