Catholic guilt?

[Felixfox]

I only went to catholic school for 3 years (first 3 years of school) and I am CONSTANTLY feelingly guilty . Is it the school or just me? It was a terrible place. I remember one of the fathers coming into our classroom just as a pupil was leaving as he was feeling sick. Father promptly sent him back to his desk for us all to pray, this boy was physically sick but we had to carry on with the prayer. His parting shot was a question. To a bunch of 6 year olds. Do you all pray before bed at night? We all mumbled yes. To which he replied,’Good, because otherwise you will go to hell.’ It scared the crap out of me. V complicated story with parents and my brother and I going there. My mother was a nun and left
’God will never forgive you’ and so maybe to usage some hideous and unfair guilt from that was to send us to a catholic school. The point is, I am nearly 50 and I still feel guilty all the time about pretty much anything. Will it go? I’ve tried counseling. What do I do? How do you leave a part of yourself behind?

My relatives even believed an unbaptised child couldn’t get to heaven (at least not without some extra process to it, the ‘mercy of god’ 🙄.) They also believed dogs didn’t have immortal souls but I didn’t see why they couldn’t if humans could. My relatives would swallow every ridiculous nonsensical bit of guff the catholic religion thought up, because to them catholicism was the only ‘true’ religion.

Apart from all that nonsense they were actually really lovely people. 😂

I too brought my children up without religion. They did end up going to a school that was religious but it wasn’t anything heavy or indoctrinating, maybe Anglican or C of E or something. I would call them irreligious rather than atheist as belief or non belief just isn't on their radar.

I'm Irish, went to Catholic primary and secondary Catholic school. School principal was always a nun and nuns thought in the school as well as lay people. Can't say its ever affected me. I don't feel any Catholic guilt.

@BunnyLake the nonsense that you refer to that your Catholic relatives believed are teachings of the Catholic faith. According to Catholicism, animals do not have immortal souls like humans do, unbaptised people do not go to heaven (unless they fulfilled an almost impossible list of criteria). If your relatives didn't believe those things, then they would not really have been fully practicing Catholics.

I think the Catholicism a lot of people refer to is actually just broadly Christian with mass on Sundays, rather than the actual core beliefs of the faith itself. Nowadays, lots of people who claim to be religious or of a faith, work on the basis that they can pick the bits they like and ignore the other bits. I'm an atheist these days, so what people believe is up to them and I think all religions are make believe, but I'm not sure how you can claim to be of a certain religion, if you don't practice the faith itself!

I am Catholic and have never felt guilt or been God-fearing. My personal experience with priests and nuns has always been positive. I’m aged 55.

I’m sorry you feel that way OP. It’s not like negative for all Catholics.

I went to Catholic primary and secondary schools. The possibility that Hell may be a real place has never left me. I don't dwell on it all the time, but it's always there in the back of my mind. I am scared of death. I've always been an anxious and depressed adult and I can't help wondering if the messages I heard at church and at school from a very young age have contributed to that.

Hi @Felixfox Have you thought of the type of help that ex-cult members have? I think it's now called exit counselling.

I too had a Catholic upbringing so I know what you are talking about, but I've managed to just ignore the guilt. I acknowledge that it's there and move on, as it doesn't serve me in any positive way. I have had a lot of counselling over the years, although not specifically for the guilt, but this is a method that I was taught for other unhelpful emotions.

I was raised catholic. Went to catholic schools until I was 18 and loved it, honestly. It was painful when I realised I was gay, and it never felt right going to church again after that. But I don't regret my upbringing or experiences one bit.

My relatives did believe in all that and it is all nonsense to me.

Most very likely, which is why I ensured my children grew up without any religion in our house. Once a catholic always a catholic is said for a reason because it ends up in your dna. It’s hard to shake off the fear instilled in you as a kid. It took me years to shed it and even though I am 100% atheist there’s always that teeny tiny catholic voice in the background ‘daring’ me to be atheist at my peril.

That's sad

Old school Catholics loved terrifying children with tales of fire and brimstone. That kind of religious conditioning from a young age is extremely hard to shake, that's why we see people who are prepared to physically blow themselves up in the name of their God. I still struggle with the effects of it myself on occasion.

Which Catholics have blown themselves up in the name of God?

It might depend a bit on the parenting you had. One person brought up catholic with parents who gave them confidence and made them feel good about themselves might be fine. Another person attending the same school/church might have parents who constantly put them down and ruined their self esteem. They might be more affected by catholic guilt

I’m happy to be a Catholic and raised as a Catholic, yes it leaves heightened feelings of guilt but it also gives a great sense of community, sacrifice and humbleness so it all evens out.

I feel very similar to this. And I grew up in a relatively lowkey Catholic home with one non-believer parent (another person to pray for!).

Yes. Some people grew up in a kindly catholic environment. Some in a harsh, guilt inducing one.
Some have supportive parents. Some have unkind ones
Some might be intrinsically more prone to anxiety. Lots of variation

I didn't say Catholics had blown themselves up. I said 'people' namely Muslims. Though atrocities have been committed in name of all religions. This was to demonstrate that religious indoctrination from a young age can be so powerful that it can lead to people killing themselves and others. Of course how people are affected is dependant on what is taught in the holy book you follow, who is teaching it, how it has been interpreted and your own moral compass.

Amongst Catholics the negatives tend to manifest as a lifelong fear of death and Hell, plus feelings of guilt and shame for sinning. I mean we could also go into the fact that making subjects such as sex and masturbation entirely taboo can potentially create such unhealthy attitudes around what should be normal, that it actually creates deviancy.

Odd there have been so many paedo priests in comparison to C of E vicars, who are allowed to marry and have sex don't you think?

Er no, that demonstrates how extremist Islamic ideology leads to atrocities, unless you’re willing to supply us with the details of the last Catholic/Sikh/Hindu/Buddhist/Wiccan suicide bomber..?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cje0y3gqw1po

The CofE was at it too, they just covered it up better.

Haha that was me too. I wasn’t a bad kid (didn’t dare be with all those hell threats lol) so
my biggest ‘sin’ was probably lying to the priest in the confessional about my usually non/existent bad behaviour. I did scrape the barrel a few times and said I didn’t do my homework on time or something equally banal.

i also lied in my first confession! Then I lay awake worrying that I’d lied 😆 I couldn’t think of anything to tell him age 7

Hold on. Have you actually read any of the Quran? Many of the verses ARE extremist, there are plenty of verses in the Bible that aren't too peachy either.

We are talking about how religion can have a negative and lasting impact on people, which is why I said:

'Of course how people are affected is dependant on what is taught in the holy book you follow, who is teaching it, how it has been interpreted and your own moral compass.'

What leads to atrocities is how the individual interprets the word of God in their book and how it is taught.

I don't know why you are focusing on suicide bombers specifically. I used that ONCE as an example. I haven't said there have been suicide bombers from other religions so stop suggesting I have! I said atrocities have been carried out in the name of all religions through the centuries because that's a fact.

Bottom line, religious indoctrination CAN be a terrible thing.

I am a baptised Catholic and have no feelings of guilt. I did not go to a Catholic school though, as my mum felt it better I went to one which was a short walk away. To be fair, it was a good school.

I think it depends on parents and the schools concerned.

@FernFaery Catholics have been responsible for shocking atrocities until fairly recently. I'm in my mid-50s, so not ancient and I was born in a Catholic mother and baby home and have done considerable research into my own home and the shocking history of Catholic laundries and mother and baby homes both in the UK and Ireland. The very high number of dead infants found buried in the grounds of some of these homes, to my mind is worse than suicide bombers. The priest to whom I made my first confession and who said mass at my first holy communion was about 15 years ago found guilty of sexually abusing the kids in the care home run by the nuns in our parish. I went to school with those children. Does it have to be suicide bombers for it to be an atrocity?

Generally speaking members of the IRA are Catholic too.

That is why I said 'in comparison to vicars'

I never suggested vicars weren't at it too, I said priests were at it more, because they were.