To think telling a child to "cover up" because of male teachers is ewwww?

[FreeeeeeeeFreeFalling]

DD and her mates were wearing fairly standard vest tops at school for an own clothes day. All dressed exactly the same. DD singled out and told to cover up (I suspect because she is slightly larger chested than the others), which she found humiliating. She was told "there are male teachers around" as the reason!
They are 16.
I kind of think if male teachers can't keep their eyes to themselves, they shouldn't be teachers, right?!

AIBU to think this is a bit off?

Also, if you are meant to wear stuff you could wear at work on non school uniform days, someone needs to tell off the boy at dds secondary school who came in wearing an inflatable green blob thing from head to toe... I don't know why but what I'm saying is nobody told him off for it and I don't think I would wear that to work

I kind of feel vest tops are likely not very appropriate for school, if they are the thin straps scoop neck type. I wouldn't feel right wearing them to work on our dress down Fridays and I am small chested.

I agree that the phrasing was wrong. They shouldn’t have mentioned males but instead said that it’s not appropriate - and again, as others have said, to all those wearing the same. But also think that there should have been some guidelines on appropriate clothing. These are children wanting to show off, look cool etc so of course they’ll push boundaries. They haven’t yet learnt about appropriate clothing and clearly their parents aren’t fussed about their privacy and dignity either. This is the same argument as the girls that have their skirts up round their bums and flash their pants.

yes girls and boys can wear what they want. But it’s a school. A place for learning and one of the things to learn is self respect.

But she was covered - her breasts were covered by a tank top.

Hilariously I've just received my European relatives' school photos and the teacher is wearing a completely off the shoulder v neck with halter bra straps exposed.

I think we create problems where there are none.

Why is it not self-respecting to wear a tank top? Flashing your knickers I get, but a tank top?

Yes, my children went to a non-uniform school and that was the general rule there. That doesn't exclude wearing vests or shorts, just not low cut vests .or very short shorts. I know the boys were far more comfortable taking exams in the heat of summer in t-shirt and shorts, than having to wear a shirt and tie with long trousers.

Why do people keep talking about a professional environment? Lots of professionals dress casually every day, and school pupils are not professionals anyway. Same as 6th forms that are non-uniform, but expect 'professional/office clothing', meaning smart trousers and jackets; it's like they have no idea how people who work in most offices actually dress.

The teacher isn’t saying that all the male teachers are perverts and if you dress that way they’ll try it on. They are saying that teachers are vulnerable to accusations and it isn’t fair on the children or the teachers to wear inappropriate clothing in a school environment. I agree the teacher should have worded things better and shouldn’t have mentioned male teachers at all, but to take from it that they are saying that their colleagues cannot be trusted around children is a huge leap.

Men and women do stare at big boobs....

It’s not that they can’t cope. It’s fear of accusations. Male and female teachers.

Yes, and that’s a them problem. Not the person with the big boobs.
People stare at those with disabilities, or scarring etc. etc. It for the starer to control.

Don’t US schools have infamously strict dress codes?

Clothing can be inappropriate for certain settings without shaming or victim blaming! I have to go to court (work) I couldn't and wouldn't do that in a vest top

Yes, because you have a dress code. However, if you were given a ‘dress down’ day at work, you would be perfectly entitled to wear a tank top. I highly doubt they would ever have a ‘wear what you like day’ in court.

Children/teens should be covered up for their own dignity. Not because of the body being sexualised, just dressing appropriately. I couldn't turn up to the office with my cleavage on show.
Male teachers are adults who are in control of their own actions and should not be sexualising their 16yo pupils. If you are sure this was the reason given by a member of staff, rather than your DD or other pupils assuming that was why she was told to cover up, make a complaint.

I'm with you on this. Heterosexual female here. I was teaching at a Uni in the 2000's when those awful super-tight, low waistline jeans were in fashion. I really hated having to inadvertantly see the underwear (possibly even pubes) of 20 year old women sticking out the top of them. Similarly, I hate seeing a builders bum, on men or women. I was teaching a science based subject that involved field trips and sampling, where bending over, stretching up etc was necessary. It was gross.

How does not showing skin equate to dignity? Genitalia I totally get, that’s about privacy and protection. But your shoulders, why is having them covered on a hot day more dignified?

No we don't have a dress code actually, because we are expected to know how to dress appropriately for different environments. Not all of my work is in court and my office is more informal, still never see anyone in vest tops.
It's not a bad lesson to learn that there are certain ways of dressing and behaving dependent on the environment/setting

Explain why you don’t want to see ‘private parts’ bodies are just bodies. Different cultures have differing ideas about what is and what isn’t supposed to be on show for everyone to see. It’s part of the human condition and to deny this is just naive or disingenuous

😂 of course boobs are sexualised!! in western culture anyway.

they are also very distracting to men and women!

of course they’re didn’t grow them for that - but they choose to have them on show.

🤪

Good question, I think it’s because genitalia in children is about protection from vulnerability.
I totally understand about cultural relativism, I just disagree with our cultural norms about what skin can be on show, especially for females. I want people to question and reflect on where these ‘norms’ and opinions come from and that perhaps it’s time to change them. Creating cognitive conflict is how we change people’s minds. It’s uncomfortable. I am intentionally trying to make people question their decision making. You’re welcome to question mine, no one has effectively yet 😊

No one is denying that (well I’m not) 🤪.

I’m saying that’s the sexualisers problem, not the teenage girl in a vest top.

Cleavage and shoulders aren't the same thing.

I have never, ever, seen someone in an office - professional or otherwise - have bum cheeks visible as the skirt is so short. It’s common decency in my view and also considering those around you. As a PP said, what looks appropriate for a serious environment (workplace, school, etc) for one person shape will look inappropriate on another. It’s just how it is.

Of course she can, if she's being home-schooled.