To think telling a child to "cover up" because of male teachers is ewwww?

[FreeeeeeeeFreeFalling]

DD and her mates were wearing fairly standard vest tops at school for an own clothes day. All dressed exactly the same. DD singled out and told to cover up (I suspect because she is slightly larger chested than the others), which she found humiliating. She was told "there are male teachers around" as the reason!
They are 16.
I kind of think if male teachers can't keep their eyes to themselves, they shouldn't be teachers, right?!

AIBU to think this is a bit off?

But why should you feel uncomfortable or intimidated regardless of what you're wearing? Is it your responsibility to stop them behaving in a way that is intimidating? Or is it theirs?

Teachers want to teach. Leave your “Teacher shaming” comments in the bin.

Humans are imperfect. There’s a lot of ideological people on this thread.

But by the same token, why are we expecting people to dress in a way that makes others feel comfortable, then? Is that not just as ideological as expecting people to control their own reactions?

Appropriate for school means no boobs on show, no arse on show and boys keep their tops on. Most jobs have either a uniform or dress code. Can't go to work with your tits hanging out.

She needs to understand that you can't go to school/work dressed like you're going to the beach. You have to dress appropriately for the situation/venue.

As for not being able to control what your 16 year old leaves the house in? Seriously?

Whenever this gets rolled out it's always about the male teachers who actually never actually feature in the conversation.

It’s 50:50. If the starers have to control their emotions, the wearer should also control their emotions.

We all have to live together rightly or wrongly.

Well, you shouldn't. But I do wonder why staring at something that a person chooses to display for others to see is viewed as always being 'perving' in particular, and not just 'staring is impolite'.

There seems to be a conflict there - why expose a body part if you don't want people to look at it? Not stare for an extended period of time (fair enough - it's impolite) but look for a few seconds? I don't understand the thinking behind it.

The 70s Carry On films called - they want their misogynist trope back.

Those poor helpless male teachers, incapable of turning off their sex drive when children are involved.

Are you happy with your daughter being leered at by her classmates?
I mean its a school not the beach.
Complain all you want that this shouldn't be the case, boys and men should learn to behave themselves etc
But, in the meantime your daughter will be the test subject and if she can handle that, then cool I suppose.

I don't think shoulders are the issue with vest tops.

Personally I can think of vest tops - even strappy ones - that would be fine for school.

But we are all being naive if we don't accept that these days they are being cut so that there are vest tops and vest tops.

Do you mean a vest with wider shoulders or a vest with shoestring type straps. If it’s the latter then I’m afraid I agree with some other posters. Some clothing is just not appropriate for workplaces, including school. For all those saying it’s just a body, there are many places where you can’t wear what you want and have to wear appropriate attire. Wholly inappropriate though to say about the male teachers though.

Not showing cleavage
Not see through
Not too tight leaving nothing to the imagination
Not wearing a bra.....

Think it's pretty obvious....

But we should all be able to live as ourselves, without worrying that someone is going to decide our intentions for us based on our clothing.

That’s individualism. Not great

So people should be able to walk around Asda naked?

pretty much everywhere you go will have some basic standards expected. Places like workplaces and schools will often have a higher standard

So, have you reported this to the HT, OP?

I can't help but read this though and think....... did she only not like it because he wasn't "her type" would she/or her friend have reacted the same to a boy who she found attractive or who's attention she wanted to catch? We see this so much now, the lads who the girls don't want attention from are called the pervs etc but the ones they do are free to stare etc and that just gets a giggle........

Totally and utterly missing the point. Every job in life has a uniform - construction worker - steel toe boots. Nurse - scrubs. Corporate - business casual etc.

None of these would allow (and you haven't said this part) a vest top that may also be too revealing etc.

Yeah I have seen women in the corporate world told they were dressed inappropriately. One for a tube top. One for flip flops. One for see through tight shirt with no bra. One for skirt so short you could see what colour knickers she was wearing. All told to go home and change.

I think overall instead of always blaming the school maybe understand the context of what they are trying to teach.

I don't care if people SEE my legs, arms, some cleavage as I have big boobs, there's often some that can be seen even in a normal, not deep V neck, just is what it is. And if I wear high neck they're just as obvious. Otherwise, I have to wear a massive baggy hoody and that's also not that appropriate for some scenarios. Long legs also so in shorts, there's a lot of leg even if they're not hot pant style. But shorts are appropriate in hotter weather, so should you stare?

But just because a body part is there, does it need to be STARED at? If I've gone swimming, I'm wearing something appropriate for the activity, but my legs, arms, cleavage, are likely "on show". It'll be obvious what shape my bum is too, even if it's a full suit, because they're tight. Do I need to be STARED at? If you SEE me, that's one thing, but is it appropriate to STARE, just because you might be wondering anything about me?

Read back on the posts. I've said I believe in being appropriate for the scenario you're in (adhere to rules etc). But equally, if someone is wearing short shorts, it's not on THEM to control someone else's reaction.

You can be an individual and still live within societal rules.

Do they have to control their reaction to the other person’s reaction though? Because otherwise it’s one rule for one…

Yes and dressing appropriately is one of those societal rules.

Calling someone out for perving, which is not an acceptable thing in society, is perfectly acceptable though. Or do you believe we should allow people to behave inappropriately towards others?