To think telling a child to "cover up" because of male teachers is ewwww?

[FreeeeeeeeFreeFalling]

DD and her mates were wearing fairly standard vest tops at school for an own clothes day. All dressed exactly the same. DD singled out and told to cover up (I suspect because she is slightly larger chested than the others), which she found humiliating. She was told "there are male teachers around" as the reason!
They are 16.
I kind of think if male teachers can't keep their eyes to themselves, they shouldn't be teachers, right?!

AIBU to think this is a bit off?

You can't seriously be asking that?? 🙄

Unless of course you subscribe to the "she was wearing a shirt skirt and was asking for it" trope...

But there is such a huge gap between subscribing to this and wanting young girls not to feel peer pressure to wear ever shorter, ever skimpier clothes.

In fairness it was someone saying that male teachers were around (so presumably a woman), not a male teacher who made the comment.

The comment about male teachers is silly and smacks of a previous age where women were told to cover their ankles in case a passing man was driven into a frenzy.

That said, when a girl is at school I would expect her to be dressed sensibly. I am not suggesting a buttoned up suit on an own-clothes day, but I would also expect the flesh on display to be limited to head, arms and legs from just above the knee. It's school, which is intended to be preparation for work.

It's not about learning, it's about showing respect for the environment one is in.

Relying to KitTea3

So what do you suggest someone wears if the weather is really hot? I assume when you go abroad on holiday you also wouldn't let your child god forbid wear a vest top cos that's inappropriate yes?

Again the faux naivety on here - it's perfectly possible to wear clothing in really hot weather which isn't a clingy spaghetti strap top. If anything very light, loose and covered would be better

Because boys need to be liberated from having to cosplay the Dominant Sex and to embrace the vulnerability and playfulness of our shared humanity. Bankers and politicians in suits, knights in armour, Victorian plantation owners in top hats...it is all about men's dominance. Boys need to inhabit their bodies gently and beautifully, not just as protectors/rapists. At every western evening do you can see how men's power is linked to this uniform internalised denial.

You are right it is difficult whether you are male or female - being near someone who has a large portion of their boobs on show is distracting and not in a good way, whether they are a child or any age.

Probably get flamed for this but…

in truth women should be allowed to safely wear what they want and men should be able to control themselves and vice versa. The harsh reality is the world just isn’t like that and we will never reach a point where 100% of men are going to exercise self control so surely it’s better to teach young women to be self aware and increase chances of keeping safe.

Even when I was young and skinny, I had round boobs and a high cleavage.

It took years to recover from feeling I was shaped wrong. I shall always be in recovery from an eating disorder.

No wonder some girls are in binders or chopping bits off.

Body shaming should not be part of education.

You think women are made unsafe by their clothes?

No, they are made unsafe by male violence.

Babies, pensioners, women in jeans, women in burqas all get raped. Their attackers are not fashion police. Their attackers look for other forms of situational vulnerability.

It’s the wrong thing to wear, and the advice given is the benefit your daughter not the staff

Totally agree, of course it's not okay.

I think this type of clothing for a school day is "putting it out there". It's sexualised, competitive. I'd bet money that a "what are you wearing?" conversation has taken place between OP's daughter and friends.

We’re not bothered about arms and legs though are we?

School is not a club and it’s not the beach. It’s a professional learning environment so clothes should be appropriate.

This is clearly someone who’s denying the natural feelings people have when they see bits of flash poking out from under clothing.
Why would you do that?

I worked as a Civil servant which most people would consider a "formal office setting" in summer we all wore shorts, strappy tops, cropped T shirts, most of the men wore shorts unless they had a formal customer facing meeting. In most offices that aren't customer facing you can wear what you want.

Have you seen how schoolgirls that age are dressing generally? Round my way, they are literally walking around in skirts that don't properly cover their butt cheeks, their underwear on show sometimes. It seems to be a trend..... my mother would have skinned me alive had I attempted to leave the house like that, 16 or otherwise.... Whilst I echo the sentiment of the majority of people, that how a woman dresses does not and should never be an invitation to sex, there does come the question of self-respect and then... whatever happened to a bit of modesty???

I have no idea which school(s) the girls I see regularly are attending, but one of them I recognise as a local Catholic school.... teachers should be telling them to dress appropriately. That's surely part of the discipline of the educational and growing up process?

Plus, the poor boys going through puberty, bad enough for them anyway, but with butts and boobs on display, it's distracting for them.

There's been a dress code at every single place I have ever worked and yes, it should be the same at school.

You know exactly what it means.

Depends on the office. I have never worked anywhere where that dress code would be acceptable, even now post lock down casual.

you are right very little can keep us safe from those men and in those circumstances clothes probably don’t come into it. I’m referring to the men who will happily touch you up, pinch your bum etc. that kind of assault. My friends daughter will only wear jeans to the pub because she’s less likely to experience these situations than if she’s wearing a short skirt. That’s the angle I’m coming from

Sorry, I can't agree. I have been perved on while wearing a flappy raincoat.

Also, school is not the pub.

I taught secondary. Imagine the totally innocent man (let's say a young good looking one) is accused by another child of staring at your daughter. The accusation will quite rightly be taken seriously, teacher will be suspended pending investigation even though he has in fact done nothing wrong.

This happens.

She was told "there are male teachers around" as the reason!

For that sentence alone, I voted that YANBU.

I think if the person who said this is a professional at your DD's school, then they really need to think about the way they communicate things.

I see what you’re saying. But IMHO it depends what you think school is for. And what you think respect is.

I was at school during punk, when people like Vivienne Westwood were encouraging us to challenge the status quo, e.g. about how women should dress. Later, so did (Lee) Alexander McQueen, with his 90s bumster trousers with arse cleavage. They both respected their environment: British tailoring, tartan, Victorian gothic etc. But also subverted, pushed the boundaries and challenged. And are now two of Britain’s biggest brands, worn by Royalty, making millions, employing thousands.

I could say the same for music, art, science at school. So many British scientists have pushed the boundaries. I believe schools should be creative places, where people can show up as themselves and explore and innovate. Not places where you have to strictly conform and be regimented for the sake of it. Literally, uniform.

Respectful, yes. Considerate, yes. Kind, for sure. But conformist, no.

And in school girls should feel free to dress how they wish, without being concerned about what men think of them - or what they might do to them.

But depends what outcome we want education should achieve.

I hope you didn’t trip over in your rush to judgement. A little less haste and you might have actually thought about what I wrote. I am all for anyone wearing anything they feel comfortable in (including pyjamas in the supermarket if they like) where there is no dress code. That includes teenage girls with bums and tits out. Good on them for having the confidence of youth. They do need to be aware they will attract attention. You can wish it weren’t true as much as you like but it’s a fact of life. They aren’t asking for it nor do they deserve it. Being young doesn’t make someone automatically vulnerable, and my preferred way of dealing with it would be a swift kick to the bollocks.

I kind of think if male teachers can't keep their eyes to themselves, they shouldn't be teachers, right?!

They shouldn't use the male teachers as an excuse, the female ones don't want to cop an eyefull either.