To ask whether my therapist will be required to report this

[Vinividivici]

My child half admitted to me that her father and his gf hit each other. She refused to give any details at all.

I told my therapist. My therapist said, "you know that would be child abuse???"

I explained that I know this, but I don't know for sure whether it is happening. I also explained that I have encouraged my child to tell the school or my child's therapist if they are scared of dad or if grown ups are hurting each other or anyone else.

YABU - No, obviously this is total hearsay with no specific details and it would be mad to report

YANBU - Yes. Your therapist has probably already reported.

(*In case this sounds familiar - the general topic of the abuse is also covered in another thread)

Well...Do enlighten us. You say it's not how any of it works, which bits?
Is it not always best practice to inform a patient/client that a referral will be made, unless it places the child in more danger, which there is no evidence of here?
Should confidentiality statements not always be made when starting therapy which set out that sessions are confidential unless there is a risk of harm to someone or a crime is committed?
Do therapists not have autonomy to consider if a third party disclosure meets the threshold for breaching confidentiality? This is the only point which could be argued in my opinion. On the face of it, any concerns about child abuse should be reported, but, this is third party information, the client doesn't know if it is true and the client is encouraging her child to be open about concerns with the professionals involved with her.

It sounds horrific, OP, for you and your dc, I am so sorry. I have reports about similar things, alienation claims taking precedence over safety, and others have tried to raise the alarm too. Most people don't know about it.

If your therapist knows about what has happened previously can you discuss with her what she is going to do and go through the different possible consequences together?

You're getting such a hard time OP from people who clearly luckily have very little understanding of how parental alienation as a concept is used to further victimise mothers and children. Article here for anyone who wishes to learn more: "Parental alienation": A dangerous and harmful concept - Women’s Aid

To all those saying 'just keep reporting/trying, you're a bad mother if you don't', one of the main concerns with this is that, as OP says, the mother is deemed unfit and the abusive father is given full custody, increasing the risk of further child abuse. Surely people can see why a mother in this situation may decide to take the lesser of two evils and rock the boat as little as possible?

Solidarity OP, it's an awful situation and you and your daughter deserve better than the UK court systems.

This is private therapy for workplace stress and burnout. I also pay for a private therapist for my child. CAMHS literally took at least a year to get in touch following these past events.

Actually I’m speaking with many many years with a professional involved frequently with mental health and social services and legal services. Don’t be so bloody ridiculous your opinion is so harmful to people seeking support. Absolute fucking stupidity.

This is encouraging, but it takes many years for change to really take effect and I don't think that this means we are safe.

Do you see the aftermath of these situations? Because I was encouraged at first when I met with the police and SS - but once my ex got his chance to charm them and make disparaging comments about me, they changed their views.

Actually, I think the police officer probably believed my daughter, but they appeared to be under resourced and there was little evidence other than my daughter's and my word - so it was kicked back to SS.

When something is sent to the police for investigation and a decision is made not to move forward, this appears to be evidence of baseless allegations. My ex is a genius at exploiting things like this.

Yes, I have tried to encourage her to speak with the school and her therapist.

It's all very worrisome. I've never seen her less excited to go on holiday with her father (they are going away for half term) and she keeps saying I am being mean for making her go.

Assuming I have no experience at all. Or work with people who do.

Sorry that's just excuses, there is no way my daughter would be spending time with an abuser and I wouldn't give a toss what the police or anyone else said

You would be liable to lose your daughter then. The family court system doesn't like mums who refuse dads contact, particularly for unproven allegations.

This sounds awful OP, I'm so sorry.

I'm not an expert and haven't been through it, but I've tried to think what I would do. I would call SS and explain that DD had made an accusation in the past but it was deemed untrue and you were asked to take a parenting class. Now, DD has disclosed that she has witnessed DV between her father and partner. You are worried about her seeing this, but also worried that you will be seen as interfering again and so would like their advice on what to do next. That way, you are being completely transparent and putting the onus of them to advise you.

I did just that.
Stopped contact, called my solicitor to check my position (civil not criminal matter), started the process of rearranging our CAO to show I acknowledged I was breaking the current one but was being proactive in getting things changed. Represented myself.

I strongly doubt that your situation is similar to mine. We have no CAO and my ex is a savvy and superficially charming law firm partner with limitless energy to terrorise me. Plus there's a record now of my making questionable reports (even though the abuse was real).

The you get your daughter to tell someone else - a GP, a teacher, whoever. But you don’t let abuse continue to save your own face.

Have you read anything I have written?

Yes. You need to parent her.

I'm not trying to save face. I have tried to get my daughter to tell trusted professionals. If I take her and force her to talk, this will definitely look like I am coercing her.

Tell her next time it happens when she’s there to call the police. That will flag up safeguarding concerns.

I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this. Mumsnet posters sometimes live in a world where services exist and always do the right thing. Sadly that’s not always the reality.

Can I suggest you make a safety plan with your child? Where she could get help and how she could seek safety when she is at her dad’s house and scared.

What are school like? They can be an advocate for you both if they are on side.

I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this. Mumsnet posters sometimes live in a world where services exist and always do the right thing. Sadly that’s not always the reality.

Can I suggest you make a safety plan with your child? Where she could get help and how she could seek safety when she is at her dad’s house and scared.

What are school like? They can be an advocate for you both if they are on side.

OP, I can feel rhe fear coming off your posts. Fear for your Dd, and fear that reporting her situation will put her further 8n rhe clutches of her Father. The UK Family Court system is not fit for purpose. I think I'd let the therapist know rhe background. Together you might be able to see a way forward. @acheekyNandyssuggestion has merit.
I really feel for you. I have not been in your situation but a malicious complaint was made about a member of my family during lockdown. W3 got a trainee SW, who made a mess of it and everyone simply doubled down. I wish you & your Dd safety & Peace.
(apologies for typos, App playing up) x

Thank you. A safety plan is a very good idea.

Previously, we bought my daughter a 'dumb phone' to take on holidays with her father. He screened her messages and made sure she had no expectation of privacy. Now she refuses to take any type of device that could be used to communicate. Now that landlines are obsolete, I'm not sure what she COULD do if things got dangerous.

The school are great and they make a point of explicitly stating that they are there to protect my child and are not on the side of either parent. If I told them about the suspected DV, they would definitely make a safeguarding referral and I don't want to be associated with another complaint.

However, it may be worthwhile raising other concerns about her wellbeing when with her father, framed as updates on her life and areas where she may need more support. I could even ask whether it's possible for her to have individual check-ins or something.

This is the 2nd thread about this, was any of the previous advice helpful. Why is she going on holiday with him if she doesn't want to.

Because if I kept her home, her father would aay I am alienating her from him and interfering with their relationship. He would lose his mind and immediately file an injunction. Then he would wipe the floor with me because there is no clear evidence of harm.

The OP recognises that there is another thread. This opened with a very specific question.