To ask whether my therapist will be required to report this

[Vinividivici]

My child half admitted to me that her father and his gf hit each other. She refused to give any details at all.

I told my therapist. My therapist said, "you know that would be child abuse???"

I explained that I know this, but I don't know for sure whether it is happening. I also explained that I have encouraged my child to tell the school or my child's therapist if they are scared of dad or if grown ups are hurting each other or anyone else.

YABU - No, obviously this is total hearsay with no specific details and it would be mad to report

YANBU - Yes. Your therapist has probably already reported.

(*In case this sounds familiar - the general topic of the abuse is also covered in another thread)

You are not even trying to protect her

As a therapist, what the fuck?

you need to report this.

this is safeguarding your child.

you have parental responsibility.

IF YOU FEEL YOUR CHILD IS AT RISK FROM HARM YOU MUST EXERCISE YOUR PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY AND KEEP HER WITH YOU. Report to police, social services, GP and school.

then you need to go to a solicitor if you want to change your childcare agreement due to the risks.

if you do not take steps to protect her, this will certainly go against you when social services eventually get involved.

you just do what you can to protect her, no theorise about what may or may not happen.

Correct. I reported to Social Services, they came and inspected my house and questioned me but only spoke to him by phone, and eventually they told me that I have to attend parenting classes and that I must support the child parent relationship. (He was also told to attend the classes but I don't know if he did)

My kids have a posh rich doctor as a father. There is a no contact order in place for their safety. Please report this - she needs you to stand up for her.

There are voluntary organisations that can help you to advocate for yourself and your daughter if you are not being listened to. Have you tried those avenues? I totally get the point that rich people can buy good legal support, no doubt.

As a therapist, perhaps you can understand why the immense trauma of spending £25k on legal fees and spending two months trying desperately, but futilely, to protect your child from a strangler would lead to a complete loss of faith in the system.

It was made clear to me that I was at risk of losing access to my child due to the parental alienation claims

You said you encouraged to tell the school if she’s scared… but she’s told you… her mother. Why aren’t you doing anything!?

If my ex strangled my child I'd be calling the police.

You are not powerless. You keep reporting him. You go to court where necessary. You keep going until someone believes her.

How old is your DD?

A bad experience is no excuse to wash your hands of protecting her. It’s totally unfair that you were treated like that, but you are responsible for her safety, ignoring it doesn’t make you any better in the long run

You need to get your therapist to advocate for you to social services/the court that your intention is not parental alienation. Same with your DDs therapist. Is her therapy via CAMHS? Does she have a care coordinator? Do you have a parent worker? Find the thoughtful professionals who are involved in your lives, the ones who don't fall for your ex's charm or intelligence and make use of them in putting your case

Both.

You have no option as her mother, to shout from the rooftops and never stop. Period.
as a mother; nothing could stop me. As a therapist nothing should stop you. Your proposal is what? Do nothing to protect her? Never.

social services and cafcass are actually very good at exploring and evidencing parental alienation. I am frequently involved in cases such as these. They require evidence.

judges do not remove access to children for no reason. The threshold for this is very high.

there is something you are not telling us.

If I am seen to be making vexatious complaints, I will lose my child. This is such a nonspecific, vague report that it would go nowhere and both my daughter and I would come to harm.

Have you tried going through her school? Would she tell a teacher what's going on so they can report it too?

your contact is at risk if you are not seen to do everything in your power to protect her.

have you reported what she said to the police? Are you keeping a log of evidence and what she says?

You’ve only mentioned making one complaint. And domestic violence isn’t non specific. Keep reporting incidents builds a pattern of abuse.

Here is what I haven't mentioned: I took a video of her telling me about the strangulation. She had told me one snippet of concerning information and I waited till we were alone with my phone before asking anything about it. Apparently this was evidence that I am a bad mother and alienator.

Honestly , I had no clue that this was viewed as a bad thing. I told multiple (non family law) lawyer friends that I had taken a video and they all thought it was a great idea.

Presumably you're in therapy because you have some mental health/emotional issues? Maybe have a conversation with your therapist about the anxiety and fear you have around this. Find out what is real world and what is caused by your own difficulties. Approach it from a "I want to protect my child, but I don't believe the system will work in my favour, help me make sense of how much of that is true in the real world and how I can present my case best to help my child" Your therapist is yours, use them

When I was in a similar situation, the person I was seeing (MH nurse) asked her supervisor for advice. The supervisor agreed it was a safeguarding issue. It went to social services, who then called me and decided it wasn't such a big concern after all.

I'm guessing your ex claimed you were coaching her to speak in the video?

Get her to talk to a teacher at school. One she'd be comfortable to open up to without prompting.

Poor child!

He didn't have to. It's just accepted by family courts and SS that filming your child is evidence of bad faith. Who knew? Not me before this horrible mistake.

It sounds as if you have had a really difficult time and are worried about the repercussions if you were to report this.
My understanding is that the therapist should report this as a safeguarding concern. A child witnessing domestic abuse is classed as child abuse.
Although you are worried, my advice would be to contact Social services yourself, explain what your child has told you but also explain that you are worried about your safety and the safety of you child because you have reported it.
I wonder if Womens Aid may be helpful for advice.

I have severe work burnout and the sessions are about this. I told the therapist in detail why I would be concerned about reporting.

As You mentioned it in your Op, I looked at your old thread about this, and it sounds awful but it was 2 years ago, so they’re not going to think you are hounding this guy, you need to report what your daughter told you.