Another baby has died in a hot car (Spain)

[comoatoupeira]

Another child has died in a horrific way after being accidentally left in a hot car.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/may/21/girl-dies-car-extreme-heat-spain

again, it was the father, distracted by work, who forgot to drop her off at nursery. I honesty don’t think this is a man/woman thing I think it is a work thing. In every one of this abominable stories it is someone being distracted by a work situation and they forget they haven’t dropped off the child. The article explains really well why it happens and how we need to make safeguards because we can’t rely on ourselves at all times.

distraction kills! Much more than malevolent intent.

AIBU to think that every single parent needs to read this article to realise it can happen to anyone and sometimes extreme stress and the power of habit can overcome us and cause the worst to happen
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html

BE WARNED it is the most upsetting piece of writing I have ever read.

Glad to see your cohort has had their particularly awful post agreeing with you deleted.

That’s the kind of person who is saying your attitude is right!

Birds of a feather, and all that…

I think a poster you agreed with has been deleted too? It's usually down to TGs rather than cohorts or birds of a feather and all that tbh.

I’ve read this whole thread and I can’t believe there are STILL people saying that these people let these deaths happen because they’re negligent. IT. IS. WAY. MORE. COMPLEX. THAN. THAT.

I read the article a few years ago and it’s really stayed with me. My kids are older now but if they were babes-in-arms age I would definitely be putting a routine or something else in place to guard against this for myself.

I know! Shocking isn’t it.

It doesn't matter if you use caps and full stops, people still have different opinions and are allowed to share them. It is indeed what happens on chat forums.

The WP article is a collection of overly descriptive testimonies, people of course will always reject any blame or responsibility. A couple of alleged experts including a 'psychologist' are certainly not convincing.

Most of us are parents. Most of us forget things occasionally but I'd suggest none of us have left our dc for hours in appalling circumstances. So yes, feel sympathy for the dc and for the other parent whilst holding the distracted person wholly responsible, sadly. That is not the crazy witch hunt some of you are trying desperately to paint it.

Nobody doesn't have sympathy for the child.
But you can be sympathetic to the child AND the parent at the same time.

The parent needs to live knowing they caused their baby the most horrific death.

Nobody is being cavalier in attitude to child safety.
The parents safely strapped them into the car. Thats not someone being cavalier or uncaring.

Its exactly the same as forgetting something else. Just when most of us forget it doesn't really matter. Unfortunately when they've forgot it has life long consequences.

@GloriiaI asked a couple of times but I don’t think you have answered: what purpose do you think condemning these parents to a criminal conviction/jail time will serve?

It's not quite 'forgetting' - its misremembering.

You very very strongly remember doing the thing you do every day, or remember the thing that happens daily happening..

So the person 'remembers' that the kid went to daycare with Mum like usual... or the person 'remembers' that they dropped the kid at daycare...

When in fact, they didn't.

Memory and brain are not perfect. Our brain creates memories we swear are real, that are from a different day, another time, someplace else.

But you carry on believing it cannot possibly happen to you - it massively increases the chances that it WILL happen to you.

'Its exactly the same as forgetting something else'

It isn't though, it's nothing like forgetting something else.

Unless someone has cognitive impairment then the safety of their kids should come way before a shopping list or their car keys. If it was oh so easy to do we'd hear about kids left alone in cars for 10hrs every day. Thankfully we don't. So when it does happen that we can leave the blame solely with the adult who failed to safeguard their dc.

You only hear about the ones who die.

You don't hear about the ones who are found very ill.
You don't hear about the ones who are found ok.
You don't hear about the ones who are remembered about at the last second.

It must happen all the time.

@Gloriiayou’re still being prolific and not quoting people that have quoted you?

You’re message at 19.06 is a perfect example of not being quoted but still being prolific and overly invested.

Being polite, doesn’t mean you’re kind and you’re so massively over invested in this post, i find it shocking.

I’ve been polite as well.

These parents are to be pitied and not castigated, I cannot believe you’re so
unkind and lack so much empathy for parents in an awful hellish situation, but that’s your temperament I suppose.

”I would never do that” had been said by these parents as well, until
they did and the worst thing imaginable happened.

I see you’ve been on since this post and chosen not to answer it - again. Presumably because your answer is going to show you up as callous and/or vengeful: you want these parents punished, pure and simple. Town square punishment in pursuit of retribution.

I’m glad the justice system is based on reasoned thought and empirical and theoretical science rather than primitive instinct.

Child neglect is obviously a difficult and upsetting subject. There are the people who do it on purpose and those who do it accidentally.

We could say what 'purpose' do any charges or convictions serve but nonetheless there must be consequences to such serious neglect.

Manslaughter for example is often accidental, careless driving of carelessness at work in high risk areas.

I've no idea why you think charges and convictions should only apply in specific circumstances. If someone is harmed through someone's else's actions or insctions then of course they should face consequences.

I'm not sure why you're criticising me for being 'prolific' when you have been 'prolific' too?

It is a chat forum, we are all allowed to post as much or as little as possible.

I'm a kind and empathetic person but my sympathies as I've said lie with the dc let down so badly by a careless parent.

I read that Washington Post article at the time and it will always, always stay with me. I also read something else about how the brain autopilots to a degree during driving, making it difficult for the brain to remember the change to the routine (as so many of these cases are) once it’s settled into part of the familiar routine, is part of the brain’s own safety mechanism - in order for us to be safe when doing something like driving our brains have to switch off a bunch of other things and sadly that can include the cognitive disruption needed to change steps in a settled routine.

Thanks for this answer.

TRIGGER WARNING: INFANT MORTALITY

You insist that these deaths happen through neglect. As you say, neglect can be purposeful or it can occur through recklessness or carelessness. None of those apply to these cases, however, because your starting point is that active thoughtfulness can prevent all of these types of neglect. The point is that active thoughtfulness when around children is never 100% for all children or all adults at all times. Not because the parents can’t be bothered. Not because they don’t care. Not because they prioritize work. But because of the way our brains function. Nobody can be 100% actively thoughtful about all things at all time. Do you never do two things at the same time? Are you actively thoughtful when you’re ironing and listening to the radio at the same time? Which activity are you actively thinking about? Do you never chat on the phone while you’re watering the plants? Which thing are you thinking about? Have you never cut your finger while cooking? Why weren’t you actively thoughtful not to do so?

TW: there is significant research showing that the risk of death by SIDS can be significantly reduced by co-sleeping and ensuring a baby sleeps on its back. This is a parenting forum and I hate doing this - so I hope my warnings are enough. So, for every parent - mother and father - who loses a baby to SIDS when not cosleeping and not ensuring the baby sleeps on its back: were they neglectful? Arguably, more thought goes into deciding not to cosleep and not staying awake watching your baby all night than goes into the daily routine of home -> drop off -> work -> pick up -> home each and every day.

So, when you say every unnatural death caused by another (sorry I’m on my phone and can’t see up enough to quote you correctly, pls insert your own phrase) should have consequences: what do you suggest for bereaved parents of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome? A criminal conviction? Jail time?

There is no absolute morality about this. Hundred of millions of children have died around the world without a single consequence suffered by their murderers (eg in war, assisted famine, abuse etc). There SHOULD be consequences but there are none. And as a species we accept this because we haven’t ever prevented it. All to say, there’s no absolute to this.

But, fundamentally, the point is that these deaths don’t occur through neglect. They occur through non-100% active thoughtfulness. And, if you’re actively thinking about your own child then you’re not actively thinking about the child running into the road in front of your car who you run over and kill. Is that ok with you, to suffer criminal consequences for that? This is any of us, at any time, in all regards. Sometimes the consequences are immaterial. Sometimes they’re tragic. The “offence” is the same. Criminal consequences would have no rehabilitative or corrective or preventative effect. They would only serve to punish. That’s biblical justice, an eye for an eye. We’re better than that.

I'm a kind and empathetic person but my sympathies as I've said lie with the dc let down so badly by a careless parent.

Self praise is no recommendation!

We could say what 'purpose' do any charges or convictions serve but nonetheless there must be consequences to such serious neglect

There are consequences though. The consequence is utter life long devastation for the parents, who will have to bear this every day of their lives. That’s a far worse sentence than any jail time. It’s not neglect at all in the context you are using it in, but you will never see that as your thought processes are somewhat skewed, so there will be no point in anyone, trying any further to explain.

Yes I can multi task. I can iron and listen to the radio at the same time without burning myself or my clothes. I can water my plants and chat on the phone whilst paying attention to both activities?

There is guidance on reducing the risk of SIDS but every parent who doesn't cosleep does not lose their dc to SIDS whereas I'd suggest every parent who forgets their dc for hours leaving them in a highly dangerous environment will suffer tragic consequences. It's a false equivalence. We all risk assess every single day, well we should.

Again, these deaths are caused by neglect just becaue that is allegedly unintentional does not change that fact. As I've said many manslaughter cases for example are unintentional but the person responsible still faces consequences.

If it prompts every person to be more alert when caring for kids rather than relying on beeping seats then that may be a good thing.

You will regret not taking notice of climate change.

I'm autistic and have DID. This could easily have happened to me. Luckily it didn't. I have alerts for everything so that I don't forget my water or my uniform for work, especially items that are new. When you have DID you often think "oh, one of my headmates must have done it", and then it turns out that nobody did it.

When I was about 7, my dad left me behind in a department store. We’d agreed that while he was looking at menswear, I could look at the toy section.

He finished his shopping and left the store without me. He only realised his mistake when he met up with my mum who not surprisingly asked where I was. He sprinted back to get me.

Such cases never make the news because no one died, the police were never involved and unlike David Cameron (who once did something similar), none of us were famous.

I actually know of someone this happened to. She doesnt live in the UK. She was genuinely a great parent. She was sleep deprived (of course) and drove to work, with the plan of dropping the baby at nursery on the way. Normally the husband would be the one who did that. Got to work, baby was asleep I guess, went, did her shift (nurse) got a call from husband at nursery pick.up.time to ask where baby was, that was when the full horror dawned. This was about 7 or 8 years ago and her life was absolutely destroyed obviously. She wasnt charged with a crime, it was considered a tragic accident. Absolutely fucking horrendous. Awful.

Well I do have children and I don't understand it either.
We apparently live in a world where for a lot of people it seems their children take second place to the other things going on in their life.

OMG, how does she cope?
Has the Dad forgiven her?