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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just want to look forward to our holiday together?

63 replies

balroymum · 20/05/2026 20:59

We have 18 nights booked in California in July, me, husband and teen daughter. We decided together almost a year ago now that we wanted to do this instead of our usual beach holiday. It's all booked now and I am really looking forward to it. We've been before about 20 years ago and we loved it.

Husband has seemed pretty indifferent about it for the last few weeks and just not really talking about it. He's said tonight though that he's just not looking forward to it. I'm upset because it makes me sad not to be able to enjoy this with him. I also feel a bit angry as he's making me feel like I pushed it with him. It didn't feel like that when we were planning it but then sometimes I feel like we would never do anything if I didn't get the ball rolling. His reasons are that it won't be very relaxing ect. For context, we are not moving about too much, at least 4 nights in each place and not doing loads of theme park days.
It is anexpensive holiday and we have had to save hard but he's still had 5 nights away abroad with his friends. We can afford it.

Am I being unreasonable to feel sad/cross that he is sucking the enjoyment out if this? Should I be putting more effort into reassuring him/convincing him we will have fun? I just can't seem to do it ....

OP posts:
whyohwhyisitalwayswet · 20/05/2026 21:05

Is this a destination you both (and your teen) chose and he's now gone off it? Or was this something you were keen on and he agreed to and is now regretting it? And, why is he not looking forward to it? Is it the length of the trip? Or just that it will not be relaxing? More context would help.

Strandas · 20/05/2026 21:08

July is a long way off. Maybe he just doesn’t want to talk about it right now. Is there anything you still need to book?

JacknDiane · 20/05/2026 21:08

Jesus id give my right hand for this holiday, he really needs a boot up the arse.

Original poster
balroymum · 20/05/2026 21:09

We both chose it. He said something a few months like this but again, all booked. He us a worrier so we talked it through and planned days to include just exploring, pool, beach ect. I honestly don't know.

OP posts:
ididabigfatsmelly · 20/05/2026 21:11

Tell him to smile and look forward to a lovely holiday

Shinyandnew1 · 20/05/2026 21:12

Can you talk to him and try to pinpoint exactly what isn’t going to be relaxing?

How are you travelling between the holiday destinations-is he driving?

CypressGrove · 20/05/2026 21:14

Husband has seemed pretty indifferent about it for the last few weeks and just not really talking about it. He's said tonight though that he's just not looking forward to it.

How much are you expecting him to talk about it now in May when its not until July? If he's anything like me he also has to deal with the mad rush coming up at work to be ready to be away for that long.

Original poster
balroymum · 20/05/2026 21:16

Only car hire to book which he says he wants to sort. I don't think the news is helping with everything going on in America but then I'm not planning on joining any rallies ... I do feel like I want to say 'Come on!' but I can't make him want to go. And I can't cancel either. Why is this so ugh. I just want to get excited together about this. I'm also worried that daughter will pick up on this soon as he's just not reacting when she talks about the things she is looking forward to doing together. I just feel like crying.

OP posts:
Original poster
balroymum · 20/05/2026 21:23

We are only driving one bit - Big Sur! The rest are ubers or internal flights. He works from home, steady job but not particularly stressful and definitely no more so over next 9 weeks.

Not sure if this is relevant but I do have a very demanding job and have always been main earner. I love my job though. I wonder if part of my feeling is resentment that I am working flat out, we're making enough to have this amazing holiday and still, nope, not happy with it?!

OP posts:
CypressGrove · 20/05/2026 21:35

Is he anxious? I now a few people who get anxious re travel. So they enjoy the early planning and the trip itself but not the lead up. I don't think its super uncommon.

Original poster
balroymum · 20/05/2026 21:37

Really CypressGrove? I really hope so! He definitely was excited when we planned it.

OP posts:
CypressGrove · 20/05/2026 21:43

balroymum · 20/05/2026 21:37

Really CypressGrove? I really hope so! He definitely was excited when we planned it.

My DH is exactly this! I just leave him to it and he relaxes on the plane. Another friend's DH is similar but is also anxious flying so he relaxes from when they arrive. My DC are teens now so understand DH's anxiety re travel so we share our excitement together and leave DH to go through what he needs to.

Hollowvoice · 20/05/2026 21:45

We have a holiday booked in July.
I know I will really enjoy it but right now I can't say I'm looking forward to it as such, it's too far away and there's too much to do before then to properly think about it?

Hmmmmwineandchocs · 20/05/2026 21:50

I’d try and ignore. Don’t let it spoil your excitement.
We’ve done West Coast road trip, California road trip and an Oregon/Washington road trip, all amazing! I get less excited by them because i know it’s not the relaxing sit by a pool kinda trip, but once I’m there i have a fantastic time.

mamajong · 20/05/2026 21:51

Has he had input into the itinerary? Is there an option for him to opt out of some activities? My ex and I had very different ideas of holidays. He was a beach and chill person where as I find that boring, I like a plan, he doesnt, I wake early,he likes a lie in. We had to compromise and be willing to spend time apart, sometimes he would opt out of sightseeing to chill by the pool and thats ok. Could that be the issue? That he thinks the itinerary is too packed and he would like some 'do nothing' days? Is there flex for not all doing everything?

Fidgety31 · 20/05/2026 21:53

Lots of folk don’t get excited about a holiday until they are actually at the airport … so maybe that’s just how he is .

Original poster
balroymum · 20/05/2026 21:53

Maybe I do need to just leave him be. Should have read that bit 5 minutes ago! I've just asked him what exactly he's not looking forward to and he said, "That it's not a beach holiday." When I said what is it about a beach holiday that you look forward to more he said, "Sitting, relaxing, going out for meals on the evening." He says that this holiday sounds like "a lot" and "looking round cities." I've listened without comment or judgement and tried to reassure him that we will have those holidays again, just something different this year. He's just basically saying that's how he feels and he can't help it. I've said that he had the opportunity way back to say he didn't fancy it but being as he said nothing, he's going to have to do a better job of pretending he's not miserable about it. He's now sulking and petulant and honestly, I am furious! He is acting like a spoilt, grumpy child.

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MermaidMummy06 · 20/05/2026 21:53

I can be like your DH. We went to Japan last year, and a colleague (who has never travelled) was perplexed I wasn't jumping up & down with excitement and 'she'd be excited for me'.

I told her I was in prep mode, and still worried about a few things, or something happening to cancel it (almost did happen, happened this year instead, DH's unhealthy DF both times) but it'd be different once I got on the plane. Then I relax & have a fabulous time!

Original poster
balroymum · 20/05/2026 21:57

Well, here's hoping he's like that! And yes, good shout about leaving him by the pool some days - right now I think that's the safest option - maybe a pool in Spain!!!! 🙈🤣

OP posts:
HedgehogsOnTheWall · 20/05/2026 21:58

Strandas · 20/05/2026 21:08

July is a long way off. Maybe he just doesn’t want to talk about it right now. Is there anything you still need to book?

A long way off?! It's in six weeks.

Original poster
balroymum · 20/05/2026 21:59

Exactly! We go in 8 weeks!

OP posts:
ihearyoucalling · 20/05/2026 21:59

I feel this is quite a subjective thing and you'll get people saying it's not the holiday for them (which I agree with, wouldn't go to America at the moment.) But it's just a different holiday to what you are used to, and it's not the end of the world if he doesn't enjoy it as much as other holidays. And he might find he really does enjoy it. For context, we just had a big holiday that I wasn't keen on going on and was frankly dreading - I hate flying, it was a long flight, and I wasn't sure about the destination and the accommodation. But it turned out to be the best holiday ever.

ConflictofInterest · 20/05/2026 22:02

I wouldn't worry, I'm exactly like this. I've got a holiday booked for July that I'm absolutely dreading. I found it, planned it, convinced everyone else it would be great, booked all the various aspects of it with great excitement after lots of research. Now I feel sick thinking about it. I even have a note in my phone reminding myself I do this before every holiday, but especially things a bit different that are outside my comfort zone, it's just how some of us are. I'm sure he'll be fine once you get there. I'm always fine once I've checked in.

CypressGrove · 20/05/2026 22:03

balroymum · 20/05/2026 21:59

Exactly! We go in 8 weeks!

Again I think that's a different personality thing. 8 weeks is ages away for me. Is he actively bringing up the holiday and moaning about it? Or just not bringing it up? If it's the first I'd be annoyed, the second I'd leave him alone.

Original poster
balroymum · 20/05/2026 22:05

Glad to read that last sentence Ihearyoucalling. And you're right - it's not the end of the world if he doesn't enjoy it as much as I do, even if I really want him to.

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