To just want to look forward to our holiday together?

[balroymum]

We have 18 nights booked in California in July, me, husband and teen daughter. We decided together almost a year ago now that we wanted to do this instead of our usual beach holiday. It's all booked now and I am really looking forward to it. We've been before about 20 years ago and we loved it.

Husband has seemed pretty indifferent about it for the last few weeks and just not really talking about it. He's said tonight though that he's just not looking forward to it. I'm upset because it makes me sad not to be able to enjoy this with him. I also feel a bit angry as he's making me feel like I pushed it with him. It didn't feel like that when we were planning it but then sometimes I feel like we would never do anything if I didn't get the ball rolling. His reasons are that it won't be very relaxing ect. For context, we are not moving about too much, at least 4 nights in each place and not doing loads of theme park days.
It is anexpensive holiday and we have had to save hard but he's still had 5 nights away abroad with his friends. We can afford it.

Am I being unreasonable to feel sad/cross that he is sucking the enjoyment out if this? Should I be putting more effort into reassuring him/convincing him we will have fun? I just can't seem to do it ....

Tell him he doesn’t have to come…

Hope you’ve booked Alcatraz!

Is he concerned about going to America? I wouldn't be keen between the war and the football and Trump in general.

I have been a bit like your OH in the past. We have been to California several times and I have always had a ball. I have probably been "less than enthusiastic" in the run up to the holiday but that is mainly because I just dread the long flight and that overshadows everything for me. I can't imagine having fun when my mind is just full of "I've got to sit on a plane for 12 hours".

Maybe going forward you’ll have to accept you just prefer different holidays. Let him have his relaxing beach break with the lads and you do the full on travelling holidays with your kids. And meet somewhere in the middle for the holidays you both enjoy - so maybe a city break, but shorter, not long haul, with a beach included. That’s what we do. I went to the US, and took my teenager, husband was more than happy to stay at home as it really wasn’t his thing. You can’t force someone to feel excited about travelling just because you do.

That's pretty selfish behaviour. I get that he isn't feeling it (not really, but maybe!) but to let it infect everyone else's mood, especially your DC's is not considerate behaviour. Tell him to stop being so self-indulgent or stay home. Given everything going on in the world, I'd think he should be grateful you have such a lovely holiday planned.

Well there is plenty of beach & pool time he can have within that itinerary!

Would there be an option to change the Burbank nights to a beach hotel then travel to theme parks? Then it’s not 6 nights in a city as your first stop - is that the part he’s not keen on?
Burbank is convenient for Warner and Universal but depends what else you want to do. Disney is further down, as is Magic Mountain. Will he do the theme parks or stay at the hotel?

Are you planning to drive from LA to San Francisco in 1 day and would he be driving? It’s a beautiful coastal road, but I’ve always stopped on the way - or is that the Big Sur part?

Done this trip a few times and travel for work there often, so many beautiful beaches for him!

What is your daughter most excited about? Keep talking to her instead!

I’d just ignore him.

I get very stressed by holidays and catastrophise it all, so I find I like to downplay them so when it all goes wrong it doesn't matter.

I get anxious before holidays, never excited. I do enjoy them once I'm there. My husband is an excited/excitable person. He has learned over time that i cannot be excited about holidays. What has helped us understand each other it that one of the kids has turned out like me, and gets very difficult before holidays. My husband continues with his excitement and he gets that i can't feel the same way. Excitement from him breeds anxiety in me! It has taken us about 20 years for us to work this all out and we muddle through accepting we are very different.

I keep all my worries to myself though - when he's excited i just smile and nod. Maybe yiur husband needs to adopt that approach!

We’ve just had a 2 week holiday in Canada with no more than 3 nights in any one place. Usually we go to France for a couple of weeks and stay put! It was refreshing to do something different. And overall the holiday seemed longer because we did and saw lots of different things. Caught up with old friends in one city. Road bikes and saw a bear on a golf course! Went to one art gallery and saw a Beatles exhibition….the scenery was amazing and on a different scale. It’s been 40 years since I went to California but I imagine there are many parallels. It definitely left me wanting more. On the downside re California, I’ve heard from friends that it is very expensive right now. Could that be stressing your DH?

To be fair to your husband, until the evening where he said he’s not looking forward to it, he’d not brought it up or moaned or moped. He’d just behaved indifferently and not mentioned the holiday.

8 weeks is a long time to behave excitedly about something. Maybe he’s concerned that it’s a lot of money to spend and if he encourages the excitement then there’s a risk you’ll all feel a big come down after the holiday? Does he compartmentalise his feelings often?

he’s now in a position where he shared his feelings with you and your response is that he’s ruining the holiday. So not only is he apprehensive about the holiday, but he’s also feeling guilty about upsetting you and bringing the mood down.

poor guy was feeling unsure. Now he’s probably even worse.

i’m sorry that it’s spoiling your excitement. But not everyone has to feel excited 8 weeks before a holiday. Hopefully you’ve got plenty going on beforehand that you’ll both enjoy and the excitement will gradually build for him.

apologies if I’ve misunderstood.