Work-based anxiety and procrastination. Is it just me?

[Procrastinatingpenny]

I probably do have some form of neurodivergence but I’m not seeking a diagnosis, just desperately trying to get out of my own way and stop being my own worst enemy!

And, looking for a bit of understanding because I feel like such a failure / fraud / weirdo.

I was a straight A pupil at school. graduated degree with 1st class honours. Got a Masters and PhD. I’m not stupid… in a conventional way… but God Almighty am I stupid when it comes to work.

I procrastinate dreadfully. Not everything, just the hard tasks. I’ve tried all the tricks. But it’s like my brain just goes into freeze. This morning I woke at 4:30am, yes FOUR thirty to get a difficult piece of work (that I should have done yesterday on Friday two weeks ago ) and I lay there in bed thinking about how I was going to get up and do it for four bloody hours until I finally did get up and begin at 8:30 🤯

And here I am now, at the end of another day, and the blasted thing is still unfinished.

I have asked myself so many times why I do this. It’s as though the dreaded task and I are opposite poles of a magnet. It takes SO much effort (actually, it takes distress, not effort) to make contact and the easiest thing in the world to disengage again.

It got worse after I burned out at work six years ago, but if I’m honest it was a problem before then (and completely honestly was part of the reason I burned out).

I’m not afraid of hard work. That is god’s honest truth. I would LOVE to be able to blast through this stupid task. My failure over and over again just compounds the anxiety, the shame, the self-criticism, the guilt… I am CAPABLE of doing it…
And yet here I am… on Mumsnet.

I KNOW I am unreasonable. But does anyone else get this? Is it only me? Argh!

I would actually disagree, I think extreme procrastination is much more common than people think. I think a lot of people don't talk about it out of shame.

I relate to this a lot! I’m currently doing my PhD and working on the side too. I have days where I’m super productive and days where it just feels impossible to do any tasks, no matter how small. It’s always things like replying to an email - if I respond straight away - great. If I don’t respond within a day or two then it becomes exponentially overwhelming and near impossible.

I’ve done time management courses and tried the focus apps but it doesn’t really work because I CAN manage my time, and do so well a lot of the time; other times it’s like trying to walk up a downwards escalator.

I recently saw some videos on interstitial journalling, which seems to incorporate a lot of the tips folks have mentioned here, like breaking tasks into tiny steps, but also jots down any feelings associated with the task (or task paralysis!). I decided to give it a go and I do think it is helping, as it’s not only helping me to focus on one thing at a time but it also feels like I’m being held accountable.

I thought writing constantly would be counter productive and would just waste more time but I definitely spent more time procrastinating than I do writing down the odd sentence. I have periods where the book is empty for part of the day but I just accept what I did get done and let myself off the hook.

I am sure our brains aren’t intended for 8+ hours of deep focus. I often wonder if we struggle more when WFH as it is we feel we need to be 100% focussed on work, whilst if an average day in the office was broken down, there would probably be numerous periods of work chat, coffee breaks, periods of walking between places which all allow your brain to rest briefly…

I empathise enormously! But clearly it is very normal…or at least common!

I TOTALLY agree with this. Most office type tasks just feel irrelevant to our brains.
If you had to land a plane or remove someone’s appendix you wouldn’t be able to procrastinate.
In modern life, in many jobs, we are told being proactive is the thing, but in reality most people are better at being reactive.
I was a good chef, I was a good bartender. IVE had numerous jobs where I had to think on my feet- all fine.
Give me a pile of work to do “ by the end of the month” and I will fart around for 29 days.