Work-based anxiety and procrastination. Is it just me?

[Procrastinatingpenny]

I probably do have some form of neurodivergence but I’m not seeking a diagnosis, just desperately trying to get out of my own way and stop being my own worst enemy!

And, looking for a bit of understanding because I feel like such a failure / fraud / weirdo.

I was a straight A pupil at school. graduated degree with 1st class honours. Got a Masters and PhD. I’m not stupid… in a conventional way… but God Almighty am I stupid when it comes to work.

I procrastinate dreadfully. Not everything, just the hard tasks. I’ve tried all the tricks. But it’s like my brain just goes into freeze. This morning I woke at 4:30am, yes FOUR thirty to get a difficult piece of work (that I should have done yesterday on Friday two weeks ago ) and I lay there in bed thinking about how I was going to get up and do it for four bloody hours until I finally did get up and begin at 8:30 🤯

And here I am now, at the end of another day, and the blasted thing is still unfinished.

I have asked myself so many times why I do this. It’s as though the dreaded task and I are opposite poles of a magnet. It takes SO much effort (actually, it takes distress, not effort) to make contact and the easiest thing in the world to disengage again.

It got worse after I burned out at work six years ago, but if I’m honest it was a problem before then (and completely honestly was part of the reason I burned out).

I’m not afraid of hard work. That is god’s honest truth. I would LOVE to be able to blast through this stupid task. My failure over and over again just compounds the anxiety, the shame, the self-criticism, the guilt… I am CAPABLE of doing it…
And yet here I am… on Mumsnet.

I KNOW I am unreasonable. But does anyone else get this? Is it only me? Argh!

Unless I do the hard tasks first they never get done. I write a list, steal myself and remind myself how great I will feel when I actually get the thing done. When I have done whatever the bastard thing is I have a chocolate biscuit 🙂

I’m the same, putting things off all week, staring at my computer or doing simple quick tasks, then Friday afternoon comes long, I work like a super human and achieve so much!

A big part of my problem is thinking I don’t know where to start the task, even though I’ll have done it before.

I don't know if it's an option, but if your work offers copilot licenses that might help. It's very good at breaking things down into subtasks and you can even built an assistant within it which can help organise a to do list, with smaller subtasks, and help you prioritise what to do first (or even "i have 20 mins until my next meeting, what should I do" things)

I think it's a really common issue.

As a pp said, just opening a relevant document is a start - and one of the hardest things, but once you do it, you've broken through a sort of barrier.

Yes I do this, it's horrible and has caused me so much shame and regret over many years, and has definitely held me back at work too.
I do the waking up at 4am to get something finished on the day too, then I'm wiped out by about 10am and don't get anything done after that.
I don't think I have ADHD symptoms outside of work or work-type situations so don't think it's that, more about anxiety and perfectionism. I went to high pressure schools and had a lot of pressure academically from my parents and I think this has left me feeling like nothing I do is good enough, I put things off and off for fear of not doing them perfectly.
There have been periods in my life when I've been better at not caring so much about the results - eg when my children were young and took up most of my home time and headspace, and I just wanted to get home to them, I think I managed better at just getting things done by 5pm. But problems are creeping back in again and having a terrible manager for a while didnt help.
As others have said, it helps me to be in the office or on a silent teams call with others to a certain extent. Also scheduling my time with quite detailed breakdowns of what I should be doing in every half hour block. And working with people I like and therefore don't want to let down.
But the most important for me is letting go of needing to achieve something brilliant and instead just getting it done... that's much much easier said than done, and also much harder when I'm already feeling stressed.

I have this.

I firmly believe its because our brains are not designed to prioritise office type work that we know is not really life or death. Our brains can't force us to consider that funding report or contract as essential or meaningful. Its too far removed from human needs.

For millennia human occupations were based around very clear necessary areas:

1. human needs - food, shelter, water, health
2. creation of things required for 1) tools, useful machines, equipment for storing and cooking food, transport , clothing. Things to make getting what we need easier.
3. pleasure - decorative arts, music etc

Now many modern office type occupations are so far removed from real need. If you don't do that report what really happens? Nobody dies. The world goes on turning. Our brains know this. Its not meaningful work so it doesn't switch on the part of your brain needed to prioritise it.

Have you tried body doubling? It's the only reason I got my masters dissertation finished on time. I used an app called focus mate where you book in a timeslot and get paired with a random person on a video call, you say at the outset what you're working on and then sit there on mute but on camera for an hour. I found it so so helpful.

Honestly, I think the majority of people have this. It's not ADHD, unless we are saying a majority of people have ADHD! Very few people don't ever procrastinate.

I love this post, it is so true. Our modern lives are so utterly unnatural and completely different to how animals are meant to live and completely different to how humans have lived for the majority of history!

I’m the same OP. It’s a nightmare. I could be so productive but I’m just not! I’m writing a long email at the moment but am clearly also scrolling. I don’t know why and I hate myself for it.

I use lists and calendars in my non working life and can’t really function without them. I used to use them when I was office based and they helped then also. I should probably start again.

wfh has ruined me. I need people around me to hold me accountable. Not that they know they are but I can’t faff so much in the office and being able to immediately refer to people helps.

I'm going to ask the GP about ADHD, I just feel as though they’ll laugh at me.

This may not be your solution, but I find big tasks are overwhelming so I break it into bite sized chunks. Any tasks can be split into subtasks, it takes practice. Maybe try it on a no-risk non work task, so you don't feel scared. Try it a few times then try a work task. Do it in stages. It works for me.

Definitely not just you. There are a couple of courses on managing adhd on Udemy which are really useful. I know you said you didn’t want to seek a diagnosis but there’s no need to, to do the course.

Theres also a course on imposter syndrome - is there possibly an element of that?

Im academically able and can pass most exams but bloody useless at actually doing anything 🙄

Yes most people procrastinate a bit. But clearly some of this can be debilitating - not submitting your dissertation and thus failing your degree or only starting work at 1am when you work normal office hours. Extreme procrastination is far from normal….

Hard relate over here! 👋

I'm currently experiencing the pm slump where I just stare at my laptop screen

I've got no advice either but you've also described me. No diagnosed neurodivergence but definitely suspect something!

I’ve just turned 52 and hit a wall in the first year of a job with little support, managing two ND teenagers. I’m now on the waiting list for ADHD assessment through the GP. I’m sick of struggling and feeling like I’m useless and I finally feel I deserve to understand myself better. I’m in a professional role with lots of knowledge and experience but I’ve been tearful for months trying to cope with my job knowing I’m perfectly qualified for it. So I don’t think you’re unreasonable OP. If you are, so am I!

I'm like this too. The main thing is I have a job where it doesn't cause too many issues and I don't worry about it too much as that is my work style and I work round it. Like sleep, it gets much worse if I monitor it or worry about it as it is self-perpetuating. I try and get most things done in the "new and novel therefore exciting and doable" phase rather than leave them and let them get to the "I can't even start this as I am frozen" phase.

I have actual physical pain when trying to tackle something when I'm not in the zone. I try and stand outside of it and ask myself why I'm feeling like that.

Yoga and meditation has helped. As a counterpoint to procrastination I also have hyper focus so when I am in the zone I can produce amazing stuff and quite quickly.

The main thing is don't worry about it, it's how you are and just find ways to work round it and with it.

I know what you mean. The only way I can do a difficult task, or a task i have never done before, is to visualise each step in detail, actually see myself doing it as well as planning it all out in my mind. I just can't start a task without knowing all the steps and what i want the end result to look like. It usually means that i spend twice as much time thinking than i do actually doing a task, but the task does get done more efficiently and the outcomes are better in the end.

When you do actually get the jobs done are you happy with the result in the end? Is there any part of the process that you actually enjoy whilst you're doing it? What is is about a job that you dislike or feel uncomfortable with?

I'm quite depressed by how many people have said that ADHD meds are a game changer. I mean, good for you, obviously, but I couldn't take them even if I had a diagnosis, as I have high blood pressure and all stimulants are out for me, even coffee (which I know some people use to self-medicate). I've been doing some googling - mainly as a displacement activity, it has to be said 😂- and have found a few sources that suggest saffron supplements can sometimes be helpful for improving focus and concentration, and actually tend to lower blood pressure, depending on your prescription drug regimen (so needs keeping an eye on but the direction of travel is better than the reverse). I found a decent offer so I've ordered some to see what I think and I'll report back once I've tried them. Not a recommendation or a substitute for medical advice blablabla, but thought I'd share it so people can do their own research and see if it seems like it might suit them.

There are ADHD medication options that are non stimulants as well, and I believe there are some SSRIs which are said to work better for neurodivergent people than others which you also might be able to try in the meantime if they might be appropriate. I know diagnosis is a really long road (4 years for me from first enquiring to trying meds), but I tried a lot of other things in that time and nothing else really helped. So I would say there's nothing to lose from starting the process while you're trying other things, although I appreciate easier said than done. When I say life changing, I still have huge limits btw, I just don't spend hours in tears fighting my brain every day any more, that alone is life changing.

Thank you, that's helpful. I have a complicated medical history so I probably need to involve my GP in any trial-and-error stuff anyway. Will be interesting to see what they suggest.

Oh gosh - me too. Thank you for posting this.

I think I probably have undiagnosed ADHD that has got much worse with peri-menopause.

Hello me.

The trick (for me) is simply to get started. Like that old trick to get to the gym - just focus on putting your gym clothes on and getting in your car. Once you manage that, the rest will follow.

I Undermine the perfectionism by telling myself - “this is just the draft version” “I’ll do it rubbish to begin with and write the proper version tomorrow”. I find this removes the pressure and I can start. Once I’ve started, it’s quite absorbing and ends up being fine.

Copilot is also really helpful for getting you started. It doesn’t do a great job but you immediately see how to make it better / do it your own way.