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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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9
NotTheOrdinary · 19/05/2026 19:58

Whysnothingsimple · 19/05/2026 19:57

This whole thread is typical yummy mummy “Let them eat cake” stupidity.

Peak MN.

Kirbert2 · 19/05/2026 19:58

FernFaery · 19/05/2026 19:53

I’m really pleased it worked out for you and you have compelling circumstances. But what about working private renters who are forced to move with no choice in the matter due to affordability? What about their support networks and kids schools?

I was a working private renter. I lost my job because I was with my son in hospital and was then rehomed in social housing so my son could be discharged from hospital.

As I said, we were fortunate that it was somewhere close enough that my son didn't have to move schools. It was pure luck, it was just as likely we would've had to move his school and be forced to live in a different area.

Allrightonthenight1 · 19/05/2026 19:58

BoredZelda · 19/05/2026 19:51

No, there are 45% of people who are without pensions. There is nothing in the reporting suggests it’s because they all can’t afford it.

Children need clothes, food and shelter. Anything else is a choice. Too few people make the choice to prioritise other things either for their children or themselves and never consider whether actually it would be better adding something to a pension than say, having a weeks holiday in Turkey every year. Some people will save madly all year to splash out on Christmas gifts for kids and throwing a huge party. It’s all a balance and a question of priorities. People can choose to do other things with their money if they wish but the reality is, the number of people who genuinely have absolutely nothing to spare to pay in to a pension is much lower than people seem to want to believe.

This

Gillydoller · 19/05/2026 20:00

FernFaery · 19/05/2026 19:47

Yes.. read my post again..

The post you quoted? I read your post. You seem to be against dropping the triple despite it being economically impossible to maintain. It’s not possible to keep the triple lock going continually. If you do that at some stage in the future there will be no government spending other than on state pensions.

JustMyView13 · 19/05/2026 20:01

Australia have pretty much resolved this problem with their Superannuation. It should be a model on which the UK builds. The introduction of AE was a good start, but it needs to go further.

NorthXNorthWest · 19/05/2026 20:01

It is amazing how there is sympathy for people who may be forced to move because they cannot afford housing, but far less sympathy for someone who could effectively be taxed out of a home they may have lived in for 50 years because of the house price inflation they did not create and may never have actually benefited from in cash terms.

XenoBitch · 19/05/2026 20:03

Whysnothingsimple · 19/05/2026 19:57

This whole thread is typical yummy mummy “Let them eat cake” stupidity.

Yep. Speaking from a place of privilege in their ivory tower.

Funny how you don't see someone on NMW start a thread about anyone else like them should be forced to ilve in a house share.

I swear sometimes that the more money you have, the more you lose empathy.

BiteSizedLife · 19/05/2026 20:05

Billionaires and trillionaires, and the 1% would be delighted. We are al squabbling, arguing amongst ourselves and blaming each other for the West's bankruptcy.

No one is looking their way.

It's worked a charm!

BoredZelda · 19/05/2026 20:05

Whysnothingsimple · 19/05/2026 19:53

How much is your household income per year? Who earns it and how many dependents do you have?

We are (now) two higher wage earners with a disabled child. We have not always been that way, but have both been paying in to our pensions since we started working. I worked in hotel housekeeping before minimum wage was a thing. I was living away from home and supporting another family member. I had a little disposable income and could have gone out drinking with my mates once a week, instead I did it once a month and paid into my pension. The reason I did this is because I saw my parents, who raised 3 of us on one very low wage, were always able to pay a little into their pensions, and insurance policies they had for us. The guy would come to the door for the money and mum always had it. We’d hide from the bloke who came for the money out of the TV, we’d put up with it when there were no more 50ps for the electricity meter at the end of the week, but that guy always got his money. My parents were adamant that money was the priority and that has always stuck with me.

Not that any of this is relevant to my point, which is based on the statistics available. They make it clear the 45% of people who are not paying into a pension, cannot possibly be entirely made up of people who can’t afford to.

FudgeFudy · 19/05/2026 20:08

These conversations always go the same way, with loads of people talking as if there are only two groups: 'The Rich' who live high on the hog and will retire at 55 (latest), with seven-figure pension pots, and then 'Normal People', none of who have two pennies to rub together.

Yes there are a lot of people who truly can't save for a pension no matter what they do. And that is clearly a huge problem. However there are also a very large number of people who will, say, get a new car on PCP every three years because what's wrong with having a nice car if you work hard? Or they'll take a couple of foreign holidays a year because well you've got to get away haven't you, and you don't want to slum it in the UK. Or they'll get a dog which is obviously going to cost a fortune because, well, they like dogs. Or they'll borrow to tart their house up in whatever the latest style is (that will age like milk requiring it to be done again within the decade), because again you should be able to have a nice house if you work hard etc etc.

They do this sort of stuff and then say 'Oh but I don't have anything spare to put into a pension'. It is these millions of people whose heads need wobbling re pensions and who the government (or whichever organisation it may be) are trying reach, not the unfortunate people whose finances are truly precarious.

NorthXNorthWest · 19/05/2026 20:09

BoredZelda · 19/05/2026 20:05

We are (now) two higher wage earners with a disabled child. We have not always been that way, but have both been paying in to our pensions since we started working. I worked in hotel housekeeping before minimum wage was a thing. I was living away from home and supporting another family member. I had a little disposable income and could have gone out drinking with my mates once a week, instead I did it once a month and paid into my pension. The reason I did this is because I saw my parents, who raised 3 of us on one very low wage, were always able to pay a little into their pensions, and insurance policies they had for us. The guy would come to the door for the money and mum always had it. We’d hide from the bloke who came for the money out of the TV, we’d put up with it when there were no more 50ps for the electricity meter at the end of the week, but that guy always got his money. My parents were adamant that money was the priority and that has always stuck with me.

Not that any of this is relevant to my point, which is based on the statistics available. They make it clear the 45% of people who are not paying into a pension, cannot possibly be entirely made up of people who can’t afford to.

Someone will be along to tell you how lucky you were... Its not the same as someone with real hardship...

That is as much peak MN as any yummy mummy!

XenoBitch · 19/05/2026 20:13

FudgeFudy · 19/05/2026 20:08

These conversations always go the same way, with loads of people talking as if there are only two groups: 'The Rich' who live high on the hog and will retire at 55 (latest), with seven-figure pension pots, and then 'Normal People', none of who have two pennies to rub together.

Yes there are a lot of people who truly can't save for a pension no matter what they do. And that is clearly a huge problem. However there are also a very large number of people who will, say, get a new car on PCP every three years because what's wrong with having a nice car if you work hard? Or they'll take a couple of foreign holidays a year because well you've got to get away haven't you, and you don't want to slum it in the UK. Or they'll get a dog which is obviously going to cost a fortune because, well, they like dogs. Or they'll borrow to tart their house up in whatever the latest style is (that will age like milk requiring it to be done again within the decade), because again you should be able to have a nice house if you work hard etc etc.

They do this sort of stuff and then say 'Oh but I don't have anything spare to put into a pension'. It is these millions of people whose heads need wobbling re pensions and who the government (or whichever organisation it may be) are trying reach, not the unfortunate people whose finances are truly precarious.

There needs to be a balance between planning for the future, and living in the now.
Because there will be people thinking they are doing the right thing by cutting back on anything nice to save for a pension, and they die before they get to claim it.

Icepop79 · 19/05/2026 20:15

I have virtually no pension provision. I’m self-employed and started paying into a pension at 29, but have never increased my woefully small monthly payments. I’m worried about it, but with school fees for the next 6.5 years, I have absolutely no money left over each month to increase my contributions. I had to extend my mortgage to cover the doubling up of school fees for my children for the next few years, so I’m already committed to working far beyond when I had hoped to retire. Realistically, I need to keep working until I’m at least 70-75. It scares the crap out of me, but there’s no other option - I simply won’t be able to retire. I’m in a high-level, demanding job so I really need to hope I can keep my marbles long into old age!

GameOfJones · 19/05/2026 20:17

HowdoyoureallyKnow · 19/05/2026 19:10

@BoredZelda you don't need to wait till 18 children can have one my 13 year old has had one for several years ( sipp) self invested personal pension .

This is correct. We opened a pension for both of my DDs when they were 8 and 6.... I'm just kicking myself that we didn't do it sooner. We only pay in £25 a month each and will stop when they're 18 but it should be a decent sum.

measuretwicecutonce · 19/05/2026 20:19

its dawned on me, the reason for all the panic is that they are realising that those who could be saving aren’t! Probably because they are working hard, paying shit loads of tax and thinking ‘we’ll live our lives whilst we’re young enough to enjoy it’. Oh and if we have nothing when we retire we’ll be the same as those that never worked/worked very little,

Not rewarding people for doing the right thing is/will come back to bite!

FudgeFudy · 19/05/2026 20:19

XenoBitch · 19/05/2026 20:13

There needs to be a balance between planning for the future, and living in the now.
Because there will be people thinking they are doing the right thing by cutting back on anything nice to save for a pension, and they die before they get to claim it.

Absolutely, there needs to be a balance. But the hard actuarial facts are that a 40 year old woman today in the UK can expect to live to 84-ish. You can access a private pension at 57. So yes if you know you'll be dead of some hereditary condition by 50, don't save into a pension. But otherwise, saying 'there's no point saving into a pension because you might be dead before you can get it' is just silly.

BoredZelda · 19/05/2026 20:20

NorthXNorthWest · 19/05/2026 20:09

Someone will be along to tell you how lucky you were... Its not the same as someone with real hardship...

That is as much peak MN as any yummy mummy!

Edited

Erm what? Not sure I understand where you are going with this. Have you anything actually to add to the debate or just slipping in to some bizarre word salad?

XenoBitch · 19/05/2026 20:22

FudgeFudy · 19/05/2026 20:19

Absolutely, there needs to be a balance. But the hard actuarial facts are that a 40 year old woman today in the UK can expect to live to 84-ish. You can access a private pension at 57. So yes if you know you'll be dead of some hereditary condition by 50, don't save into a pension. But otherwise, saying 'there's no point saving into a pension because you might be dead before you can get it' is just silly.

I know, but there are people posting on this thread on NMW jobs, and some that earn even more, that can't afford to put into a pension.

Jardenalia · 19/05/2026 20:24

yellowhatonacapybara · 19/05/2026 17:26

The big problem for the self-employed (and I am one of them) is that given my income fluctuates significantly and I need to put aside money to live during the times I have lower incomings, locking money away, even with the tax benefits, feels like a very bad idea.

I totally agree, which is why paying in little but often - without fail, like you don’t not pay the mortgage - over many years is the only way to make it work. In my experience (30 years self-employed), but it’s not easy by any means 😔

BoredZelda · 19/05/2026 20:24

GameOfJones · 19/05/2026 20:17

This is correct. We opened a pension for both of my DDs when they were 8 and 6.... I'm just kicking myself that we didn't do it sooner. We only pay in £25 a month each and will stop when they're 18 but it should be a decent sum.

I shall look in to this. She has a Child Trust Fund account that was opened with that scheme the government had in 2009, we’ve been adding to that. But that’s probably going to be eaten up by whatever additional stuff she needs as a disabled teen going to Uni.

OneTealShaker · 19/05/2026 20:24

Of course they are not saving enough.

The are paying through the nose for the millions on benefits to have endless children and sit at home with minor ailments claiming benefits

NorthXNorthWest · 19/05/2026 20:25

BoredZelda · 19/05/2026 20:20

Erm what? Not sure I understand where you are going with this. Have you anything actually to add to the debate or just slipping in to some bizarre word salad?

Sorry, I was being ironic.

Usually when somebody posts their own experience, as you have, someone will come along and explain why your experience is apparently not relevant or simply “luck”, so therefore you do not really understand the hardship being discussed.

My comment was more of a counterbalance to the Peak MN yummy mummy comment a few comments before.

BoredZelda · 19/05/2026 20:26

XenoBitch · 19/05/2026 20:22

I know, but there are people posting on this thread on NMW jobs, and some that earn even more, that can't afford to put into a pension.

Presumably anyone looking at the thread and knowing they genuinely can’t afford to add to a pension would know this isn’t about them. Bean Soup Theory and all that.

XenoBitch · 19/05/2026 20:26

OneTealShaker · 19/05/2026 20:24

Of course they are not saving enough.

The are paying through the nose for the millions on benefits to have endless children and sit at home with minor ailments claiming benefits

Edited

Um, all the people you mentioned are grouped the same for the purpose of this thread.

Dymaxion · 19/05/2026 20:28

Has anyone mentioned the change from defined benefits pensions to what are offered to most employees now ?