DD14 and concert

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More of a WWYD , than AIBU.

DD was invited to attend a concert with a friend , by the friend’s mum. As we were sorting out details, it turns out they will be going on their own (seated tickets) and meeting some of the mum’s friends at the venue. So technically, they would be with adults, but I don’t know them and neither does DD. They’d make their own way there (several stations by tube , no changes). They’d be picked up by DH when it is all over . I said I’ll think about it. While I trust the other mum’s judgement, I’m quite uncomfortable with the set up. DH is fine with it, but then again he’s fine with most things. The other mum obviously doesn’t mind either , but she won’t send her DD without mine. Tickets are all sold out so I can’t go , even if I had to be in a different area.

So what would you do in this situation? Straight up no? Say yes with as many safeguards as possible? Say yes and try to find a way for me to go (possibly keep hunting for resale tickets)? Take them there and meet the other adults/do handover? Any other possibility I haven’t thought of?

What are you worried about exactly?

Are they not used to taking the tube if that's the worry can you just drop them off ?

If they are used to the tube (and if it is only a few stops then presumably they are), I would just let them go. If not, or if they are a bit nervous, I’d take them to the venue

Close your eyes, take about six slow deep breaths and then imagine the night itself from your DD getting ready to when your DH picks them up. Imagine everything going perfectly and any obstacles being navigated smoothly by your DD and friend and supervising adult. Try to imagine it as though you are following them rather than as them.

After you open your eyes, see if afterwards you feel better about the situation or if you get any ideas of how you can be involved.

Which venue is it? My DS went to a concert at the O2 in Greenwich when he was 14yrs. He went with 4 friends and one parent had to accompany them or they wouldn’t have been allowed in. One of the adults might need to meet them outside. Would this make you feel better about letting her go? I can understand your concerns. These things are difficult when it’s their first time doing it but my son and friends had a great time.

So will there be some known adult who is prepared to be loosely responsible for them if they have a disaster?? How far away would you be? I think I would be ok if they are sensible.

Yes , that’s the set up. It’s the “loosely responsible “ that makes me feel uncomfortable and the fact that I don’t know these adults. She went last year to the summertime ball with some other friends and a parent(that I knew well) and that was fine. We’d be about 30 mins away by car.

I’d be stressed but I’d let them go, make sure her phone is charged up etc.

Considering that DH is picking them up so their only tube journey is at a reasonable time, I would be fine with the arrangement even if the mum's friends weren't there.

If I do that, I’ll be bombarded by all the things that could go wrong. My brain is not freedom friendly, so I often have to go against it to allow DD to have age appropriate freedom and independence, which I think I have managed pretty well so far. It’s just that this particular scenario, needs a lot of faith that “it’ll be fine”.

Do they get the Tube regularly? If not, could you or the other mum get the Tube with them and meet the other adults and then go home?

If I were the other mum, this is what I would have offered to do.

Sorry seen in the title.

At 14 they will be denied entry without an adult accompanying them, so I assume they will physically be with an adult getting in?
As it’s seated, I would be more inclined to let her go, with a few basic instructions like what to do in an emergency etc. If it’s a large venue like Wembley, service can be patchy due to high demand but there are plenty of stewards about.

I went to Wembley stadium with a friend as part of a coach package when I was 14 (it was 1990!) and my dad picked us up from the coach stop after, I felt so grown up!

Is it the first concert of this sort for your DD? Has she ever been to the venue? How reliable is she? How reliable is her friend? Where adults will be seating? Would they be allowed into venue without adults?
My decision to let her go or not would depend on all these^ details.
I would be inclined to let her go but drop her ( and her friend) there and pick them up. I wouldn’t rely on these adults much unless they are sitting together. I wonder if they only were mentioned to calm you down .
By the way I wouldn’t ask the other mum directly where they would sit as she might lie to you. She wasn’t exactly forthcoming with details until now. I would rather ask how would they contact these adults in case of emergency as concert venues often have problems with signal.

The title says age 14.

I think I would take them there so you know they've got to the venue. They can meet the other people once they are there.

Eons ago when my daughter was a teenager and went to big arena concerts from age 13 with a friend, one parent would take them and drop off, friend's parent would collect, and that was in the days of no phones. I also had a rule that no one was to be left alone at any time while they were there. I'm assuming your daughter has a phone which should make your worries lessen.

this particular scenario, needs a lot of faith that “it’ll be fine”.

Why wouldn't it be? What do you think might happen?

I guess it depends whether your dc is used to the tubes. I have 2 14 yo DDs and we’d take and want to hand over to a responsible adult. Dh is taking them to a gig in Birmingham in a couple of weeks. They’re excited to be going with him and I really can’t imagine them going without a known adult. Dd1 did that at 17. But if you live in a city it might be different to us country bumpkins.

You really, really don’t want me to answer that question.

Hmm having been to a few concerts recently where drunk idiots have been an issue, I think I'd be a bit concerned in truth. I'd want to travel each way with them to be on the safe side and wait nearby.

She’s been to a few big concerts either with me or with friends and a parent. We’ve been at this venue before but in a different building. She’s a pretty sensible kid and so is her friend , and yes , they’re both used to taking train/tube/overground.

They will definitely have to meet up these adults as they will be refused entry otherwise.

I think that covers most of the questions?

No. There’s no adults, they’re loosely connected and so will not give two hoots about your daughter.

How well does your daughter’s friend know these adults? If they are adults she’s close to, I wouldn’t be particularly concerned provided both your DD and her friend are sensible. If your daughter’s friend doesn’t really know them I’d be a little more cautious.

It is VERY much like Wembley. And yes the adults will definitely meet them so they’re allowed entry.

I know , I know. I did all kinds of things at 14 , but I was a lot more independent, grown up and used to looking after myself.

So now is the time for you to encourage your daughter to become more independent.

I think it sounds fine, especially as they’ll be in the seated area.

As a society, we are far too overprotective these days. As you said, you did similar, and depending on how old you are, perhaps without a phone!

Exactly, you were only more independent because your parents allowed you to be. It’s hard loosening the reins with teens, but this seems like a reasonable risk. Tell her to message you when she’s off the tube at the other end if you’re really concerned.