To just decide not to get married.

[narnia2025]

I have posted about this before but it is still a thing and I just don’t know what to do.

we were planning on getting married earlier this year but I have been really ill and it just went on the back burner plus the stress of trying to work out who to invite due to the fact we are planning on doing a statoury ceremony with only two witnesses allowed being so overwhelming I just couldn’t think about it.

we are now really wanting to think about booking something but again it is just so stressful as we still haven’t told anyone we are getting married. I know it is going to open the floodgates of people giving their opinions or being upset about the two witnesses. We have looked at the next one up which would be 15 guests but we would still have to make hard decisions which would mean not inviting siblings spouses due to size of family. We can’t really afford any more then that and honestly my dp does not want it. He wants to marry me and is excited about it but he really doesn’t want a wedding and nor do I. Even eloping and going away just isn’t in the price range.

its got to the point that even though I really want this I am thinking of just not bothering. I don’t want to upset people. I don’t want anymore stress. In an ideal world we would pick two strangers or acquaintances and do it that way but I know that is probably still gonna cause stress.

We invited two friends who didn't know eachother, got married, took them to lunch and were home by 2pm. We've been married for 5 years now and not needed to tell anyone.

Just book the two person ceremony, change your last name and either lie to your families and say you've just changed your name for now or own it and play it down when it next comes up: "well, we got legally married last month but we're still saving and planning the celebration".

It doesn't need to be difficult. The legal protection is what's important. The celebration should be just that. Fun and celebrating. If its not fun, it's not a celebration. That can be delayed

My brother got married in a registry office with 2 friends as witnesses, without telling our parents.

Mum was upset at first but she didn’t make a big fuss and she quickly got over it. She still loved him just the same afterwards.

Sadly, both sets of parents were deceased when I met DH and got married so it was just my married siblings and a couple of friends who came to the registry office ceremony. DH has no other family.

Honestly, the important bit is being married not the ceremony.

My brother also got married without telling any family. They went away to a beautiful part of Scotland and asked a couple of locals to be witnesses. They sent us postcards from their honeymoon telling us they had got married.

We were all very surprised, but it was so clearly exactly what they wanted that we couldn’t possibly be upset.

So just get married, with two stress-free friends as witnesses, then tell everyone afterwards.
A friend of mine waited 4 months to tell folks she was married (which included adult kids), and everyone was fine about it.
You're making it way more complicated than it needs to be.

A church service is cheaper than that!

My dp would refuse to get married in a church haha,

we don’t want t a big thing. Think I’ll book the stat one thing week. It’s about 6 month waiting list anyway for the only 2 witnesses one (funny enough the more expensive ones we can get quicker)

Yes I’ve just seen comments online about how difficult it is to get a statutory slot in some areas.
You’ve got time to decide on witnesses and any after celebration. Best wishes.

Could you do a destination wedding? We did, in Vegas with an open invite to anyone who wanted to be there. Inevitably not many people made it, which is what we wanted.

I'm sure you can find 2 Mumsnetters who will be a witness for you - just do that and don't tell anyone about the marriage.

Get married, don't tell anyone, have 2 strangers as witnesses

Just in case you missed this idea @narnia2025
apologies for reposting if you already dismissed it.

Get married at a registry office, not guests just 2 witnesses. If you are worried that asking 2 friends / relatives to be the witnesses will upset others then don’t ask them. Find 2 strangers who will be your witnesses. Don’t tell any friends or family the date. Often happens people ask at the registry office / ask on Mumsnet for witnesses. You get married , no one gets upset because someone else they know was a witness and it’s done. The important bit is you and your partner get married and don’t have all the fuss you want to avoid.