People reply less and less these days

[AliceAbsolum]

Mostly to whatsapps because that's how I communicate with most people.

They either take weeks to respond, or just don't bother at all.

Maybe it's me! I just feel like people want to be less and less social. Definitely since covid, but I've noticed a further shift in the last 8-12 months.

Makes me sad really.

I think people are utterly bombarded with messages, calls, texts and emails now; and what’s worse, because of mobiles there’s an expectation the response will be instant, with ever shortening timeframes.

I don’t blame people for just not bothering if they don’t have to. Modern life is a total ball ache and everyone wants something from you

I don’t buy this too busy to respond nonsense - you only have to sit and people watch to see people are glued to their phones!! Even in cars whilst sat at traffic lights! I think it’s rude. It’s almost a ‘my time is more important than yours’ scenario.

Doesn't that work the other way as well, though?

Just because someone has messaged me, doesn't mean that I'm obligated to reply. I could be sat twiddling my thumbs for all that matters - it's my time to do what I like with.

I detest voice notes and never listen to them!

I genuinely hadn't realised sending chatty messages on Whatsapp was considered being social. For me, being social means face-to-face over coffee, wine, a bite to eat, or an event. And if that isn't possible then a video call. For me, even email would be a better way to properly 'talk' than Whatsapp where any lengthy discourse feels arduous, especially with my fat thumbs.

I do. I ring my elderly father most days, godmother at least once a week, sister several times a week. Friend in Australia every week for an hour. I rarely use my mobile to ring but use the landline. Mobile signal crap where I live. And being social is face to face not exchanging WhatsApp messages. I hate voice notes and never make them and are less likely to listen to them straight away.

The problem is it’s too much.

I use to love spending an hour chatting on the phone with a friend after spending all day with her at school. I loved Facebook when it first came out, updating my status and checking what my friends are up to.
Now I’m sick of on demand communication, what’s app groups for anything and everything, teams at work, text messages, messenger and I’m not even on the more current chat apps.
i do answer especially my kids and husband but everyone else ill answer if ive got time but otherwise I leave it and yes sometimes forget.

I'll be honest, I'm one of these people who are slow to respond because I'm not glued to my phone and often leave it in another room and don't even look at it after 7,30pm until 7am because I just get bombarded by messages and notifications even with the phone on silent and I'm also sick of a certain couple of people who just message me with negative woe-is-me stories in a stream every few days - never anything positive.

One is a gossip who tells everyone about everyone else's private lives and who bombards everyone with countless questions in every single message (and who then goes around to everyone, crying that she's being ignored if you don't respond to her message within 5 minutes - she's 70 and definitely should know better - she's not lonely and is surrounded by loving family and friends and her husband but she's a huge drama queen who thrives on "bad luck" and of course she HAS to be at the centre of it) and the other one constantly moans and asks advice but doesn't take that advice and then moans again because nothing's changed.

I have enough worries and negatives in my own life, without being forced to take others onto my shoulders too. It used to stress me out having long typing sessions answering loads of inane questions or offering advice knowing it would be ignored, whilst trying to deal with my own stuff and look after my own family and neither of these people ever offer help to anyone else, so I put my foot down.

I do check notifications when I get back to the phone but if its a woe-is-me rant from the usual suspects (both close members of the family so blocking them isn't an option), I just pretend I've missed the notification.

Got to admit, I love putting the phone down at 7.30pm and knowing I'll be away from it all night,

You sound just like me.
I barely watch TV at all (even stopped watching the soaps which I had watched with my mum and nanna since I was small) and will literally just watch a movie in bed at night before I go to sleep.
I suffered a severe mental breakdown a few years ago (due to bullying, mental health and also physical medical issues and I'd stupidly kept trying to mask it for years and putting everyone else before me before realising that these same people disappeared as soon as I was hospitalised ) and now I prefer to be in my own little world with just those who I actually want to stay in touch with and even then, I only really speak if I have something to say and they're of the same mindset as me.
Due to me being retired, people seem to expect me to "be free" for a long chat whenever THEY want it but they wouldn't be there for me if the shoe was on the other foot.
I like spending my days doing gentle exercise from my physio, being with my dogs, losing myself in books and genealogy and basically minding my own business, Sometimes I actually think I've become my Nanna, but she was lovely so I don't care.

NEVER leave voicenotes! JFC

Please don’t do this without some kind of warning!
I HATE unexpected phone calls, friends or strangers, I freeze and if I’m not prepared I often don’t answer.

I see messages and then tell myself ill reply later when im not in the middle of something but then if a load of new messages come in after that it pushes the first one down the screen and its easy to forget to go back to it.

I just stick a thumbs up react on stuff now to show ive seen it if it doesnt need a full reply. Life is busy for a lot of us.

I dont tend to not reply to voice messages. I hate them. Some people I know go on and on. I need a notepad to keep track of what theyre saying so I can reply. Plus I need to be in a quiet place to be able to hear. Its exhausting. So I dont bother

I don’t even open voice messages.

I send back sorry can’t open on the phone 😅 they can either type it all out or it doesn’t matter.

I think random work group what's app or school class what's app its fine not to respond. There are 30-40 people in those chats. Most people don't. What I find annoying is when people who are meant to be close friends dont respond on a grp chat. Even when someone is trying to organise us meeting up or shares something upsetting about what's going on with them. I find that behaviour self centred and off putting. Its definitely more common.

I personally find texting/WhatsApping too much, very anti-social. Occasional very quick messages, yes, but if you can't be bothered to speak with me then.......
I dont need a lot of human contact, but a heavy reliance on the likes of WhatsApp really grates on me, I find it a bit lazy.

If I want to speak with someone, I sometimes use text to check they are free to chat first, and many do that to me too, which is quite a good balance.

A lot of my generation hate phone calls though. There's more pressure to remember what was said for a start and it's easy to say the wrong thing. Whatsapp/text allows you to think about how you want to reply, or double check details.

What’s wrong with being lazy?

Well you'll have even fewer friends soon if you don't even have the time to chat to them! How can you be friends with someone you don't have time to talk to? It's pretty much the entire point of friendship.

Not if you did it frequently.....

A warning.....because I want to talk to you. Why is talking to someone considered so threatening/unbearable? It's just communicating.