AIBU to inform the school safeguarding lead after this?

[rebectable]

Daughters friend, 8 years old, turned up at our house at 10pm at night. Walked around 10 mins to our house, and was outside our front door for 12 minutes. Didn't press video doorbell, but hubby noticed it on phone, app notification from sensor. Took her home, parents were in bed. Told mother this morning, who messaged back, apologised, showed some contrition - but hardly loads. Girl sneaked out, took keys, and locked door. Turned up with teddy and pyjamas for "sleepover". My daughter was asleep upstairs. Some kind of sleepover game at school, but nothing arranged. Do I report to school safeguarding lead?

Do you think your daughter was expecting her? If she was just standing outside the door it sounds like she may have been waiting for your daughter to let her in.

I would definitely have a conversation with the safeguarding lead.

I’m confused you told mum this morning ? You didn’t wake her up last night ?

No I didn't wake her up, I messaged her immediately though asking her to contact me as soon as she saw message. Older teenage sibling took her into house.

The parents had no knowledge their child left the house until the next morning? Is that what you are telling us?

I think YWBU by not speaking to the parents last night.

You took her home and didn't check that her parents were actually there?

Did the parents know that she left the house? If the parents were aware then I’d mention it to the school, if she snook out, then I wouldn’t.

That's what DH said. Maybe I should have done, it's difficult when she was taken straight in. Obviously I expected them to come to door, kind of threw me. Messaged her instead. But I've asked for advice about what to do now, it's about the child not my failings

Thanks for your reply. What I'm worried about is why did she sneak out, and not just mention it to her mother? Why did she sneak out in dark at 10pm? It's quite a process mentally to actually go out and do it.

You probably should have called the police last night so they could do a welfare check on the home.

But, yes, report to the school.

She probably believed there was a sleepover, she could have extra needs and put a plan together. I’d have expected the mother to call you today. I would send the teacher a message to mention what happened, they can have a word with the children about accepting sleepover invites without the parents discussing it first. Very strange.

So are you saying that an 8 year old girl turned up at your house at 10pm and you took her home without checking that her parents were actually in and didn't inform the parents that she had let herself out of the house?

I mean, I think you need some safeguarding training if that's what happened. You just left her there?

It won’t hurt to report it. But your reaction of taking her back and not telling the mum right then is really weird. There was nothing to say she wouldn’t immediately run away again either. Maybe read up
on some safe guarding yourself too

It’s all a bit odd … yes I think email the school and explain what happened… it can always add to a bigger picture you are unaware of.

did your daughter say anything (I’m wondering if the child had been tricked/ misled into thinking it was a sleepover)

another thought is maybe the parents weren’t even at home … I wonder if teenager was baby sitting and so the youngest had an opportunity to escape..

we will never know at this point, but yes email school just in case .

I think the oddest part of this whole situation is that you just took her home and didn't let anyone know she has left the house... She's 8 years old and you just took her home and left her without informing anyone what had happened?

Your response also sounds weird.
You didn't check she got in safely or that her parents were aware last night.
If you were that worried about safeguarding surely you would have called on the parents when you dropped the girl back or rung the police at the time.

You mention it being a 'sleepover game'. As someone else said she likely didn't ring the doorbell as the game might involve sneaking over to a friend's for a sleepover and she had planned this with your child.

Have you actually asked your own child what they know about this?

You mention it’s some kind of sleepover game at school. Can your daughter elaborate? Sounds like kids are egging each other on / making others go to non existent sleepovers? If so, I’d be raising this as some kind of cyber bullying not necessarily a welfare issue with the family.

What does your daughter say, did they conspire to have a sleepover?

edited to add, I’m not sure if this is a safeguarding issue but some kind of weird craze that kids get involved in. What have the child’s parents said?

This was my first thought. Is she a friend or someone from the class who is easily influenced? Did anyone tell her siblings about why you were dropping her home after 10pm?

Yes I wonder if this child is particularly vulnerable in which case definitely raise it with school.
But @rebectable does need to discuss this with her daughter as to why this girl would turn up unannounced so late at night. Was it a prank on the girl and she didn't think she would really come over? Was it actually a genuine invite?

What has your own child said?

How well do you know her parents?

If you’ve never had any concerns regarding this child’s welfare before then I wouldn’t report it. I’ve known loads of children to sneak out and “run away”.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but it was really stupid of you and your husband to not knock on the parents door and ask the teen sibling to go and get their parents so you could explain what actually happened to them.

Why do you think this is the responsibility of the school’s safeguarding lead?? You are the adult that has witnessed this. Not school. Safeguarding children is EVERYONE’s responsibility. I would have phoned your local children’s social care last night. They all have out of hours numbers, or at least phoned them this morning.

She was just standing outside your house for 12 minutes? What was she doing? Poor thing. This is worrying.

This is all a bit weird. I would have taken her home and banged on door till parents answered. I wouldn’t necessarily think they needed to be reported if this was an isolated issue, but I wouldn’t have sent her home without speaking to them.